'AITA for refusing to switch hotels for my family member's kids?' UPDATED

"AITA for refusing to switch hotels for my family member's kids?"

So, let's get into it. I (34F) booked a vacation to Cyprus at an adults-only hotel. Now, don’t get me wrong—I adore kids (heck, most days I act like one). But I spent most of this summer babysitting and watching family members’ kids so they could have some “couples time” or just a break.

So, I decided it might be nice to book a 5-star, adults-only hotel where I could relax after two months of running after nieces, nephews, and little cousins. I managed to score a great deal and booked a week at the Amavi Hotel in Paphos for a ridiculously low price, including flights.

While setting up this trip, my cousin (let’s call her DD) and her three kids were staying with me, since hotels in my area were insanely overpriced and I live in a vacation destination and a 4 min walk from the beach.

My cousin’s son (let’s call him Matt) overheard me telling a friend about my trip—how everything was booked and we (my boyfriend and I) were all packed. He immediately ran to his mom and asked if they could come with me. Without thinking, DD said, “Of course we can! Your auntie will find us a great deal and we’ll all fly out together!”

I was dumbfounded. I pulled DD aside and explained the deal was for an adults-only couples hotel because I wanted to spend quality time with my boyfriend. We’d both been extremely busy with work, apartment hunting, and me babysitting kids all summer. DD just shrugged and said, “Well then just call the company and switch hotels, what’s the problem?”

I told her I wasn’t switching—my hotel was part of the special deal. I even offered to help her find a family-friendly hotel and gave her options. She looked, then turned to me and said, “Wait, but if you won’t be at the hotel, who will help me with the kids?”

I said, “I don’t know—get a babysitter, bring your mother, discipline the kids so they behave better, pick one.” She got upset and called me rude and selfish. She claimed that since I don’t have kids, I don’t understand how important vacations are for parents, and that she deserved a break too.

I reminded her I’d been watching her kids every day after work for the past 4 days while she was staying at my place—so she was already getting a break. Her response? “So what, I have to be with them all the time. The least you can do is help out once in a while. You’re not married, you have no kids, you basically have nothing to do with your day.”

And this is where I may have been the AH. I told her flat out that I don’t owe her anything. I was already doing her a favor by letting her and her kids stay at my place since they couldn’t afford $500/night hotels. I am not her childcare.

Then I asked how she expected to afford a vacation like mine when she couldn’t afford a hotel in our own country—especially with 3 kids. Her answer? “You guys can just pay and I’ll pay you back when I have it. I mean, you don’t have kids and your boyfriend makes great money. Tell him to pay for us, he won't mind.”

I don’t know if entitlement was on sale that day or if there was a clearance on audacity, but I wasn’t having it. I told her she must be high if she thought we were going to pay for her and three kids. She got upset, packed her stuff, and left to stay with my mom, as I was being a bad host.

An hour later, I get a call from my mom and her mom, asking how I could “kick her out at night with 3 kids.” (It was 6pm, and she left voluntarily.) I explained everything, but they sided with her and told me I should just pay. I told them if they wanted her to go on vacation so badly, they could fork out the $4,000 and babysit too.

Later, my mom called back after learning DD twisted the story, claiming I was flaunting my money and vacation in front of her kids to make her look like a bad mom. (For the record, I work 10–12 hour days and hardly have money to spare.) My mom tried to keep the peace but eventually realized I wasn’t budging.

Then last night, I learned from my boyfriend that after leaving, DD actually called our travel company and tried to switch my hotel booking to a family hotel, adding a suite for her and her kids, plus business-class flights. She even lied, saying I wanted to cancel my trip to spend time with her. The agent thankfully called my boyfriend to double-check.

For context: my boyfriend is extremely generous—the kind of person who would literally give his coat, hat, and shoes to someone freezing in the street (and has, literally last winter).

If I had asked, he probably would have paid for her vacation without hesitation. But since she was being so entitled, I refused to even bring it up. She’s already raising her kids to be entitled, and I wasn’t about to enable it. So… AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

Environmental_Elk542 said:

Absolutely NTA. Your cousin is one, though. It seems to me that you’ve helped your cousin so much that she now feels entitled to your help. And she showed how despicable she is by going behind your back to change your plans.

OP responded:

And trust me I will make her pay for it. I try to help because she is a single mother but at this point it's beyond me.

cassowary32 said:

It’s funny when people leave to “punish” you. Oh no! I don’t have to babysit your wild children anymore! How will I go on?? Enjoy your trip, and make sure she can’t do more to sabotage your trip. Contact the hotel and warn them.

And Tellthewholetrue said:

She just screwed her self out of a babysitter what an idiotic person. Good for you. And tell your mom you’re her child not your cousin. So next time she does that she’s on her own.

One day later, she shared this update:

First off, I wanted to thank all of you for your endless support and for making me feel better about everything that is going on with my family. Your comments have shed a lot of light on a few things I overlooked in the past. I decided to start off this post by answering some of your questions before spilling the petty revenge in play. To answer some of your questions:

Where are the kids' fathers: My cousin claims that two of her children are from random one-night stands and that my family pressured her to keep the babies and promised to support her the whole way.

The youngest son's father is actually a really great guy who is sick of her behavior towards him. She once got him arrested after telling the cops he assaulted her.

His “assault” was yelling at her to stop spending all the money he gives her on herself and to spend it on his son for a change. She called the cops, and he was arrested in front of his son.

He lost his job because of this and struggled for a while. Luckily, he got back on his feet but avoids all contact with her. She makes it impossible for him to see his son and tends to speak ill of him to Matt (what we will call her youngest).

Why I stay in contact with her at all: I adore those kids. They are amazing kids and they deserve better. Therefore, I made sure that they know that what happens between me and their mother has nothing to do with how much I love them and how much they mean to me.

Their mother and I are just not seeing eye to eye at the moment; however, we will find a way to spend time together without her. I don’t believe her kids should be punished for her behavior—they already suffer enough from feeling like their fathers abandoned them.

Why her parents don’t do anything about her behavior: Her mother is the reason she is like this, to be honest. Since she is the youngest out of five kids and the only girl, she was spoiled to no end. When she came home pregnant, her mother promised her anything to keep the baby and of course delivered.

By her third child, she pretty much demanded to be treated like a queen. Her father, on the other hand, is actually a really good man and is very embarrassed by how his wife and daughter behave.

My uncle did most of the work raising their four sons, and it shows, as they are all perfect gentlemen. He managed this while running a business and making sure his wife had everything she could possibly ask for.

However, when their daughter came along, my aunt took a bigger role in raising her than she did her other four kids. My uncle has tried a few times to reason with his daughter in the past; however, it always turns into a huge deal where her mother takes her side and he is left feeling horrible with himself.

He deserves better. I often ask him why he stays with my aunt, and he usually just chuckles and says: “Love will turn seeing men blind and strong men weak. I might not always love my wife’s actions, however after 40 years I can’t imagine a day without her.”

Where is MY FATHER in all of this: My parents are divorced, and my father wants nothing to do with my mother’s family if it isn’t directly connected to me or my siblings. He claims that my mother’s side of the family is a manipulative cult, and if not for my mother he would recommend that I cut them all out of my life for my own peace of mind.

He also thinks my uncle (DD’s father) has no backbone and will say and do anything just so the loon he married won’t yell at him in public. My father is not one to meddle in my life when it comes to his ex’s family, but he is always the first to tell me to cut everyone off except the kids—there is still hope for them.

Does my family help me the same? Yes, DD’s brothers do. Like I said before, my cousins are perfect gentlemen and have always appreciated my help. They buy me gifts, send me to spa days as a thank you for helping them out with their kids, and have even deposited large amounts into my bank account when I was struggling after getting my degree.

They never let me pay them back nor do they ever bring up the things they have done for me. From watching over my dog while I was in the hospital to accommodating any request I have to the best of their ability, they are truly their father’s sons.

And now the update you have been waiting for:

Last I left off, my boyfriend and I were having a late dinner when he told me she tried to change our travel plans to better suit her. As he told me this, my mind ran straight to REVENGE!

Now let me make this clear: in my relationship, my boyfriend is the level-headed, calm, and collected side, and compared to him I am typically the crazy one. I tried to enjoy my dinner, but I couldn’t stop thinking about how she behaved and if maybe I was in the wrong myself somehow.

Fast forward to last night—after reading all your comments and feedback, I had a craving for some petty revenge. I invited my boyfriend to spend the night at my place as it was finally empty, and of course, he agreed.

When we got home, I jumped into the shower and told my boyfriend to put something on for us to watch. When he turned on the TV, it was still connected to my main computer as I had been working on it and never switched it back to cable. He quickly noticed that someone’s WhatsApp was logged into my computer. This computer broadcasts to all three smart screens in my place.

Since I use my main computer mostly for work, I had never connected WhatsApp to it and certainly not WhatsApp Web. He was confused. He knocked on the bathroom door and asked if I had maybe connected my personal WhatsApp to the computer. I said no way—it would be a huge security breach.

I quickly realized that the only person it could be was DD, as two of the kids are too young for a cell phone and the oldest doesn’t even know WhatsApp Web exists. I leapt out of the shower and into the living room/kitchen to check who was logged in.

When I say leapt, I mean jumped out completely naked into a part of the apartment that is mostly windows (yes, I know—not smart). My boyfriend threw the couch blanket over me before running to close the curtains. I, however, was more interested in the WhatsApp she left open than whoever might be seeing me naked at 1 AM.

My boyfriend told me the best thing would be to log out of her account because it was her personal and private conversations, and it wouldn’t be appropriate to snoop. Unfortunately, he must have forgotten that he’s dating a crazy, petty person with a thirst for revenge.

Before he even finished his sentence, I had already copied and backed up everything she had on WhatsApp onto a USB in case she logged me out from her phone. My boyfriend decided it would be best to take the dog out for a long walk since he knew I was going to do the opposite of what he recommended (as always).

A few minutes after he left with the pittie, DD’s WhatsApp started getting messages from an unknown number demanding a DNA test and to see his son. Apparently, DD had no idea she was still logged into my computer because she started answering.

I could see all her conversations happening live and documented everything for later. Turns out DD had lied to quite a few men about who the fathers of her two older sons are. She had four guys on the hook, believing they were the father and demanding paternity tests and visits.

So many possibilities ran through my mind—it was overwhelming. When my boyfriend came back with my pup, I started spilling everything I had just read and how she was scamming these guys into giving her money, telling them they were her kids’ fathers while telling my family she had no idea who the fathers were.

I must have been speaking too fast because he was confused, so I decided to show him. As he stood in front of the screen reading the messages, he noticed one of the numbers looked familiar.

He clicked on the photo and realized one of the men was someone he worked with in the past and knew from up north. Being the honest and sweet man he is, he wanted to call the guy immediately and tell him he was being scammed. But I had something else in mind. I begged my boyfriend to wait at least 12 hours so I could put a plan in place.

He was reluctant at first, but when I explained my plan, he got on board quickly as long as I promised that whatever revenge I inflicted would not harm the kids emotionally—they are going through enough and should not be part of this. I agreed completely.

When I was sure my cousin had gone to bed, I messaged all the men she was fooling—pretending to be her—and told them I was finally ready to let them meet their son. I wrote each message a little differently, using information from their previous chats.

After each one accepted, I deleted the message from the chat and recycle bin so she would have no way of knowing. I set it up so they just needed to come to a restaurant my family often gathers at.

They would see DD and demand to know where their son was in front of her parents, my parents, her brothers, and whoever else was there to witness the mess. Then I messaged my family group chat, apologized for my behavior, and said I didn’t want to be the reason the family was divided.

I offered to host dinner at our usual place, and of course, they loved the idea. I did this knowing she would show up smug, thinking she had won—only to be faced with the consequences of her actions in front of everyone.

Since I didn’t want to traumatize the kids (as my boyfriend and I agreed) and I didn’t know if one of these men was actually their father or just another victim of her lies, I asked that dinner be adults only and offered to pay for a babysitter.

One of her brothers couldn’t come anyway because his wife doesn’t get along with their mom, so he offered to watch the boys. As soon as I got a rough headcount, I called the restaurant and reserved a table right at the entrance on the deck. The restaurant is in a park and the entrance is visible from almost everywhere, so the “potential fathers” couldn’t miss us.

The dinner is set to take place tonight, so I will make sure to update tomorrow with all the tea. Wish me luck! I’m gonna need it…