'AITA for refusing to take responsibility for my dad’s possible secret child?'
"AITA for refusing to take responsibility for my dad’s possible secret child?"
I (39M) have been married to my wife (39F) for 8 years now. We have a great marriage with 3 wonderful kids. I also have a sister (32F) with her own husband and kids.
Our father (~60M) split up with our mother shortly after we were out of the house, so roughly 10-12 years ago and has remarried to another woman with 3 kids of her own, and together they have 2 additional kids (my Sister and I’s half siblings).
Last week, both my sister and I received a letter from social services about a child (11F) we’ve never heard. The letter said she had been removed from custody of her his/her parents and since we were a relative of the child, we may be able to participate in the care and placement of the child.
First off, receiving a letter like that (correction, my wife who had checked the mail) and not knowing your sister had received the same letter titled the child’s name and return address being social services is stressful enough as it is, but to find out your sister also received the same letter, and us hypothesizing that this could be a result of a fling our dad had between marriages.
We’re waiting to hear more details from social services. We both have a rocky relationship with our father and we’re not even sure if or how we should approach him. Both of us are settled down in our lives and we’re not in a position to take on an 11 year old half sibling.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
So this 11 year old just appeared out of nowhere & has never lived with your father or his wife? The first person that would have received this letter (typically it’s a phone call) would be your father. If he is the father of said child. Did he also receive a letter? Just tell them you don’t know the child. End of conversation.
At the very least, you need to call your dad and ask him WTF is going on, rocky relationship or not. That should provide SOME clarity. But also, as you said, you're not in a position to take on another child. That part is very much not your responsibility.
Even if they were in a position to take the child. Its still not required for op and his spouse to have to take on responsibility for anyone.
NTA but why haven't they asked your dad who would already be raising his other two children who are about the same age?
Nobody is forcing you to take in this stranger child. This isn’t an issue that you or your sister need to deal with. Sharing one parent means nothing. You owe this stranger nothing.
Why isn’t your Dad taking care of his own child? Redirect them to him. It’s not your responsibility.
NTA they would have reached out to your dad first and for whatever reason he isn't an option so they are trying other avenues. If you can't or don't want to take in this child then that's fine. It's not your responsibility or obligation.
Call your dad and find out what is going on. He may not have even known about the child before CPS reached out to him or he may not be in a position to care for another child.
An episode of Maury but with less drama and more paperwork. If only there was a manual for navigating surprise siblings or at least a good sense of humor.
NTA to ignore or to reply "No" to the request to take the kid in. It's possible your dad didn't know about this "surprise" kid he had with a fling, or maybe he does. But you aren't responsible for this kid.
NTA. Not your business. Tell your dad to handle his. You’re taking on unnecessary stress and involvement. Dump it in his lap like it was dumped in yours and be done with it.
I don't get how it is your responsibility to care for the child and not your dad's, who apparently is still living. Refer the matter over to him. If it is not his, it will be found out through science.
If it is his, having him deal with it (as he should) will give you and your sibling time to get used to the idea and decide if you want any contact with your new sibling, whose fault none of this is.
I wouldn't lose any sleep about this letter one bit. I wouldn't give even half a care about the child the letter is about, or about how this is handled. It's not your responsibility or your problem to deal with. Send your Dad and his current wife a copy of the letter, and tell them you received this in-error. Done. Nothing more to do with it.
Maybe this is a secret child who is still legally linked to your father somehow. But my first guess would be the possibility that the people they meant to reach out to are a different family with the same last name. The internet mixes up known associates all the time. I would respond that I've never heard of this child and need more information, but just because I'm nosy.