'AITA for refusing to take my ex-husband's girlfriend's kids to Disney with my children?'
"AITA for refusing to take my ex-husband's girlfriend's kids to Disney with my children?"
Maybe I was wrong but I don’t think I was because none of this is my responsibility. I (32f) share 3 kids with my ex-husband, Zach (34). We’ve been divorced for 3 years and try to keep the co-parent solid.
He is with his affair partner, Maya(26f). They both share a 3 year old, and Maya has a 7 year old from a previous relationship. She recently had an emergency c-section with their son about 1 month ago. Kinda said that she wanted this life, she dropped out of college because he made her believe he wanted to marry her, literally cheats on her. Life is a cycle.
I didn’t have an issue with her at first, I treated her well because I wanted her to treat my kids well. She didn’t care if I was being nice, she dint like me. She thinks I’m trying to take her man.
Here’s the problem.
I have been saving the money to take my daughter (10f) to Disney for her birthday and after the divorce, I promised her I will make it up to her. I couldn’t do it then because the were going through a lot too. Poor girl understood and waited, she made no fuss. So I’m surprising her, I let my ex know and that’s when the issue started.
A few days later he asked to speak to me, he said Maya feels like it would be hurtful not to let her 3 year old go. And it would also be unfair if her 7 year old didn’t get a chance to go because she’s never had a birthday like that and she really likes my daughter, mind you they had their own time to make plans for their kids.
This isn’t something you just plan the next day and just go, I had to get the tickets, the hotel, rental, so yeah. My daughter told me who she wanted there and who she didn’t want, she wants her dad there but no Maya.
My ex asked if I could consider taking all the kids, I laughed in his face because what made him think that was my responsibility? No hate to their kids but I spend my money on my kids, i save my money for the to have these opportunities. Zach can do that with his money, Maya too.
Zach is so funny because he said it’s not about money but blending family, I don’t think he was getting it lol. I am not financially responsible for his new family, he can use his money to take HIS family to Disney.
So I told him being a blended family doesn’t mean bankroll kids I don’t have no responsibility to. Now poor Maya is upset because she thinks my kids and her kids should be in every event they have in life.
She said I’m excluding her kids because I’m not over her and Zach relationship , oh I’m definitely over that, he’s cheating anyways. She also said I’m causing siblings resentment, God forbid my kids want to have their immediate family at their events.
I responded, "your household choices aren’t my responsibility or financial obligations. If you want your kids to go to Disney then you’re more than welcome to plan it yourselves."
I probably was harsh because she started crying and I didn’t think I was wrong. I think she’s scared for him to leave because she thinks him and I are messing with each, I don’t do leftovers. So am I?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. Zach and Maya's audacity is astounding. I think you worded it very well.
Maya is delusional. Ignore her, and tell Zach to get a handle on his family before you embarrass the heck out of him in front of his wife and their kids. This is your daughter's trip -- Maya doesn't get to set the rules for it. A "blended" family is the one he has with Maya, his stepchild and his 3 year old. Trying to "blend" YOU and your credit card into the mix is a no-go.
NTA. Nacho kids, nacho problem. Based on the timing, it would seem the 3 year old was born before or right around when your divorce happened? And this woman still expects you to include her children? She is delusional. She wants the shared finances of a “blended family” but won’t give the respect. Nah.
NTA. She thinks you’re trying to steal “her man”?? You mean YOUR EX HUSBAND WHO CHEATED WITH HER? She wants you to not only supervise her two children (one who is three) but bank roll it? Laughing in their faces was the right move. Cray cray cray. Stand strong. You owe them less than nothing.
NTA, this is not your issue and do you with your daughter. They need to make the choices that support their own family. I'm so confused why they would even ask you, probably because you are a good person and try to do the right thing because of your daughter.
Don't take this own and have a blast at Disney, it will be a trip that both of you with cherish and don't give your ex and his affair partner a second thought.
NTA. He broke up the family. He can explain now to the other kids how good of a mom he left. You aren't responsible for making those kids feel any sort of way.
NTA. Zach can create the blended family he wants, sure, but that blended family doesn't include you. You're the parent to your children only. You have zero relationship with or responsibility towards his and Maya's kids, step or bio. If they want their kids to go to Disney, they can pay for it and arrange it themselves, that's their responsibility as bio/step parents.
This is your daughter's trip. She's already made it clear she doesn't want Maya there. Whether your ex comes or not, all those kids will be left with you the entire time. The trip would also have to be catered to their ages and preferences, completely defeating the purpose of taking this trip in the first place, as it's supposed to be about your daughter, not your ex's replacement family.
Stand your ground. Go on the trip YOU organised and paid for, with just the people you and your daughter want there. Ex's replacement kids can stay home with not-invited Maya, if ex comes at all. Maya sound possessive and controlling, so probably won't even let him go if she can't, even if you did say yes to their kids.
Also, block Maya. You have no reason to be in contact with her really. All communication about your shared kids should be with Zach only. Plus, Maya is openly accusing you of trying to 'steal her man'.
The same man you literally threw away because he cheated on you with Maya, and probably many others. He's cheating, sure, most likely, but not with you. You already learned that lesson, and I think you've made it fairly clear that Maya can keep the loser.