'AITA for refusing to tell my wife I love her more than my dad?'
"AITA for refusing to tell my wife I love her more than my dad?"
This is a stupid argument, but we both think we're right, so I'll let Reddit decide. My dad babysat for us last night so we could go on a date. I picked him up and drove him over because he avoids driving at night these days. My wife and I said to put the baby down for the evening by eight.
When we got back my dad was sitting on the couch holding our (sleeping) baby. He said he was sorry he wasn't in the crib but that he fussed whenever he tried to put him in the crib so he just gave up and held him. My wife was upset, and it was obvious. I took the baby to put him in the crib. When I went back into the living room they were whisper arguing.
I told dad we should head back. He got in the car, and I drove him home. He apologized for not putting the baby in the crib and said he was very fussy and probably just missed us and was anxious we weren't the ones putting him down. I said he was probably right and it was no big deal.
When I got home my wife was still upset. She asked me what my dad said about her. I said he didn't say anything about her, just apologized and said the baby probably missed us. My wife said he won't adjust to his sleep schedule unless it is consistent. I agreed with her and said it's been a long time since my dad took care of a baby, so we should cut him some slack.
She asked why I was taking his side over hers. I said I'm not, but that we had a great night, and I didn't want us to let something minor ruin it. She said it isn't minor, and I'm supposed to back her up, not gossip about her with my dad. I said I didn't gossip about her. All I did was drive him home.
She asked why I drove him home when she was clearly upset. I asked what else I was supposed to do. She said I could have ordered a rideshare or a cab. I said the plan was always for me to drive him home. She said "right, because we have to stick with the almighty plan."
I asked her why she didn't just tell me she wanted me to do something different. She asked if I would have if she asked me to. I said I wasn't sure (because of the cost and time delay). She said exactly. I said we could have talked about it though. She said I'm always trying to sit on the fence when I should be on her field. I said I am on her field.
She asked who I love more, her or my dad. I said that was a crazy question and I wasn't going to answer it. She said she needed to know. I said I don't rank people I love. I love my wife as a wife and my dad as a dad. She says I'm an AH for not choosing her. I say I'm not, because I don't think love is a numbered list like some kind of WatchMojo video.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Nta. I get being very on top of a schedule. I am with my child but when other people put her to sleep I already know it’s unlikely it’ll go the way it does when we put her to sleep. And it’s more about baby being comfortable and happy when it’s other people.
She has to learn to be okay when things don’t go as planned. Which isn’t easy for everyone. I’m glad your dad held your child when they were upset. He’s a great grandpa.
And one instance will not break a routine or get a baby to expect contact sleep every night.
Seriously... What's she going to do when the baby gets ill for the first time and screams his head off every time someone puts him down? Just let him scream all night, not feeling well and probably confused and scared? Christ. A good sleep schedule is important, but there will always be exceptions.
Not to mention there have been studies that show when babies are left to "cry it out", they don't actually relax but get more stressed. They go quiet because they learn no one is coming to help them, not because they're settled.
NTA, but your wife majorly is. You can't expect a baby to adhere to normal routines with anyone other than their parents. Grandpa did the best he could and didn't do anything wrong. She is being completely unreasonable in every single way. I would be pretty hurt if I was your dad and not keen to babysit again anytime soon.
My first thought was aww what a sweet memory for grandpa and for son to see. My father in law never held my babies. Certainly didn’t babysit. To come home to grandpa holding a sleeping baby is so wholesome. I would have loved that! Would mom rather come home to a screaming baby in its crib?
Things don’t always go as planned with babies. Grandpa rolled with it and made the baby comfortable. The only thing I ever expected when family watched my kids was for them to be alive when I came home. What a great grandpa! Your wife probably did unrepairable damage to her relationship with her father in law for ever. She’s TA here.
That moment probably meant the WORLD to that man, and OP's unhinged wife ruined it. And then making OP rank his love for his dad vs her? Like I said, unhinged. ETA: let's not forget she wanted her FIL who just provided free childcare so she could have a night away sent home in an Uber. HELLLL no.