My (35) sister, Angie (25) is getting married in May. I’m one of three bridesmaids (me, older sister Taigan (38) and niece Taylor (15).
Some back story: I got married 4 years ago and let my bridesmaids choose their style of dress (I picked the color and fabric) the only stipulation is the dress had to be on a “pre approved” list by me. My sister Angie, picked a dress not on my pre approval list but she felt good in it and it wasn’t hideous so I let her go with it.
Now to Angie’s Wedding: She said she wants us to feel comfortable in the dress and wants our opinions. She also wants us all to be in the same dress. The three of us have very different body shapes. I just had a baby in October and my boobs specifically are out of hand! I also feel like my body is now wider somehow and anything I put on just doesn’t feel good at the moment.
But I recognize that is a me issue that I will have to deal with on my own. I guess my point is.. picking one dress that makes us all feel comfortable is going to be hard!
In addition: My sister, Angie, has chosen the color light pink and navy blue. We are curvy women and have always looked better in darker colors, even Angie. But, she wants us in light pink— okay fine no problem it’s her day we will wear it with a smile on our faces.
The last two weeks she’s been ordering dresses for us to try on. We’ve tried on maybe 10 total dresses. And the three of us bridesmaids have not liked any of the dresses. Angie asked for our opinions and said she wants us to feel good in the dresses but now she seems annoyed that we don’t like any of the dresses she’s choosing.
Last night we tried on 4 more styles and there was only one dress we all liked but the problem is it had zero support in the chest —no one wants a nip slip at a wedding! So it was automatic out.
One of the dresses we tried on Angie loved, but it looked HORRIBLE on all three of us. She asked for our opinions so we gave them honestly. Our mom proceeded to yell at us for not liking the dress and said our opinions weren’t an actual opinion and we have no reason to not like the dress. I argued back that our opinions are just that, opinions, and if they didn’t want them they shouldn’t have asked.
I ended up leaving because I had to get home to the baby but I called my sister, Taigan, and niece, Taylor. And we ended up going online and finding a few dresses that we all felt could look good on us and fit the vibe. I sent them to Angie and asked what she thought about the styles and she won’t respond.
Angie and our Mom are trying to make us go spend more money and go in stores now to get dresses but we all would rather buy online like at Birdy Grey since the dresses are so much more affordable and most likely we will need alterations no matter what.
Angie says she wants our opinions and wants us to feel comfortable in theses dresses, but is literally shooting down every dress we say we would feel good in. it feels like she doesn’t really care about our opinions and just has a picture in her head of what the dress should look like, but isn’t trying to picture what we would look like in the dress.
So, would I be the a$$hole if I refused to try on anymore dresses and simply just told her to pick a dress online and I’ll order it?
Shadow_wolf82 said:
I feel like this might be one of those polarising questions where opinions will be firmly split between the 'it's the brides day, wear what she wants' crowd, and the 'she's being a bridezilla, nobody should be forced to wear something they're uncomfortable with' crowd.
Me? I personally fall somewhere in the middle. I don't think you're an AH for struggling to find a dress that fits all three of you well - assuming, as you said, that all three of you are having issues with the dresses. Every body shape looks good in a different style, and it's damn hard to find a universal fit.
I can't call your sister a bridezilla as such, because she could easily be overwhelmed and frustrated by the entire situation herself - wedding planning has a way of creating tunnel vision.
The four of you need to have a conversation. Is it possible to make adjustments to the one dress you all like to provide solid bust support? Why is your sister so set on a particular style when it's obvious the three of you don't match shape-wise? What is her issue with the dresses you've already found online?
Hopefully, a compromise can be found. If she's not willing to be flexible at all, I'd say NTA here and advise you to question if you're the right 'fit' to be a bridesmaid at her wedding.
BenevolentTyranny said:
NTA. It's unreasonable to think all 3 of you can dress the same. Maybe try the Grace? It's convertible and the CEO has whole YouTube of the ways you can change it.
Nukkeeva said:
To me it sounds like emotions are high and you should give the bride some space. She is fighting with two ideas right now: pleasing her sisters (wanting you guys to love the dresses you’re in) and realizing her vision for her own wedding. She is heartbroken that she can’t have both.
If it were me and my sister… I’d let the other bridesmaids know that we need to suck it up and make her day. Ask her which of the dresses were her absolute favourite. Go for another try on. Pretend you absolutely love it this time. Wear the dress and pretend to feel beautiful. Move along.
To me, it’s one day and in the end your relationship with her matters more than how a dress looks. She has a dream, and you can help her realise it.
And AbjectBeat837 said:
She’s been more than fair. You’ve rejected a dozen+ dresses. My guess is she needs a break from the discussion. Wait for her to respond.
1.) My sister is NOT a bridezilla. She’s a normal woman who has a vision and is trying her best to make her vision come to reality. One person said tunnel vision and that resonated. I remember how hyper focused I got on the smallest details for my wedding. This is probably what’s happening and it’s hard for my sister to see anything else — I totally get it!
2.) not being a bridesmaid is not an option for any of us. All three of us have said time and time again we will wear whatever dress Angie wants us to wear!
3.) she will not be paying for our dresses. It’s customary in my family for bridesmaids to buy the dress. Regardless if they have a choice or not. They paid for their dresses when I got married and I will do the same for Angie’s wedding.
4.) for all those saying it’s the bride day, and we just need to suck it up— you’re absolutely right! I agree with you, but that wasn’t my question! All three of us have said over and over again, we will wear whatever dress she wants but SHE continues to ask our opinions.
5.) for the person saying I can’t see past my own insecurities. I absolutely can. I was a bridesmaid for my sister in law while pregnant and I had none of these issues trying to pick out a dress for her wedding.
I’m going to take the advice of the one who suggested to go one more time and just pretend to love it. I can do that. I’ll talk with my sister and niece and try to convince them to do the same. Even if she asks our opinions I won’t lie but simply “this will work”
At the end of the day I do love my sister and am so excited for her. I will gladly wear whatever dress she ultimately chooses. I think at this point I just won’t give my opinion.