'AITA for refusing to watch my sister's kids after I said I would because of my allergies?' UPDATED 3X

"AITA for refusing to watch my sister's kids after I said I would?"

My (F36) sister Janet (F32) has 3 kids: Maddie (F14), Noah (M10), and Nikki (F8). Janet had Maddie with her boyfriend, Mark. They hadn't been together long, but when Janet found out she was pregnant, they eloped.

For the first several years, their marriage was fine. However, it started getting rocky when Nikki was born because Janet became a SAHM, making Mark work more. It grew progressively more tense between them, to a point where they contemplated divorce.

Because of Nikki's age, Janet and Mark didn't want to divorce, and decided on counseling. They've been in it for a few years now, and their marriage has gotten better. Their counselor suggested a date every two weeks, so Janet will contact me asking she can drop her kids off at my place. They're well-behaved, so I have no problem watching them; typically, it will be after my work day is over.

This is where it's messy. Janet asked me if I could watch her kids for a whole week. Her 15th wedding anniversary with Mark is coming up, and they were planning a Florida trip. I only live 20 minutes away, so I was a convenient choice.

I'm a graphic designer and currently working on a large project for a client's baby shower, but I figured that it would still be okay to watch Janet's kids because they'll be in school most of the day, so I agreed.

Later on, Janet then asked if she could have their dog over, too. I said "no" because I'm highly allergic, have no space for a dog in addition to her 3 kids, and my husband and I both work full time, so we just can't occupy a dog. Janet seemed understanding, and told me she would look into kennels for her dog that week.

The day of their trip, they came over, and Janet handed me a leash with their dog, and gave my husband a bag of dog food. I pulled Janet aside, mentioning that I had explicitly said my husband and I were in no position to take care of a dog, and she shrugged it off, telling me that Noah was getting separation anxiety from their dog, so they ended up not looking into kennels.

She then told me that her trip was important and she saw no reason why I couldn't "put up with my allergies and put time aside for a dog when it's only one week."

I reminded her that I was already taking on her children without getting paid, and now she was forcing the one thing upon me that I said I could not do. Janet rolled her eyes and then turned to leave, because they were going to miss their flight and had nowhere else to take the dog.

I shoved the leash back in her hand and told her she could forget about her trip, then, because if she couldn't hold up her end of the bargain, I wouldn't either, so there was no need for her children to stay since she had to stay behind for the dog anyway.

Long story short, she missed her flight, called me a huge a$$hole, and said I'm causing damage to her marriage because "family would have helped out". Her friends contacted me, also calling me an a$$hole. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

NewfromNY said:

OMG, NTA. I have bad pet allergies and now way could I have handled this

OP responded:

Right?!? I break out in a rash if I so much as touch a cat or dog.

DinaFelice said:

"If you are Janet's friend, why didn't you agree to watch the dog since she knew that I could only watch the kids if she made alternate arrangements for the dog? Or why didn't you agree to watch the kids and the dog? After all, if you think it was so easy that I should have had no problem doing it, why didn't you volunteer to do such an easy thing?" NTA. Janet is entitled and her friends are enablers

Motor_Business483 said:

NTA. You enforced your boundary. WELL DONE. "and said I'm causing damage to her marriage because "family would have helped out". Her friends contacted me, also calling me an asshole." ... Janet is an AH, stop babysitting for her. Let these friends do the work.

And Ok_Homework8692 said:

NTA I'll bet she just didn't want to pay for a kennel and assumed she'd just corner you into doing it. I'm impressed you stood your ground - you were generous enough to watch the kids, what she did was an asshole move. I would refuse to watch the kids anymore until she apologizes and ask her friends what she said to them - I'll bet what she told them is not the truth

She later shared a series of updates. First update:

Thank you everyone in the comments for your support. I have since spoke with Janet and told her that I will no longer be babysitting her children without her paying. I also took the suggestion that someone made about correcting her on social media, and she took down her post almost immediately.

Second update:

To respond to the person that said it sounds like I don't have a good relationship with my nieces and nephew because of how I worded this: I babysit them about twice a month and see them on holidays. I'm a family-oriented person and very close with my sister and her children.

Not really sure how it came across as that I don't have a connection with them when I take multiple times a month to support that side of the family, but whatever.

Third update:

So, Janet found this post (for privacy, I will NOT be disclosing her username) and apparently she was very upset to read all this. I asked if her therapist had suggested the vacation, and she went quiet, but Mark later on told me that it was mainly Janet's idea because she felt she needed a break from being a SAHM.

I let my husband know that we won't be doing them any free favors anymore, and he agreed that it's for the best after this incident. For the time being, I've also restricted over-night stays of my nieces and nephew as well and blocked all of Janet's friends.