'AITA for refusing to travel with my brother’s family because his kids only eat junk food?'

"AITA for refusing to travel with my brother’s family because his kids only eat junk food?"

I (M39) am currently undergoing cancer treatment. In the end of it all, I am planning to take a holiday with a friend or family member to travel to the other side of the world. I am based in the UK and I am thinking Vietnam, South Korea, Japan or somewhere around there where I have never been.

I asked my brother (M43) if he would consider coming with me. He got very excited and said his daughter (F12) and son (M8) would also come along. They are both incredibly picky eaters, and my niece only eats plain beige foods. She won’t even have a burger at McDonalds, just chips and nuggets, and that’s pretty much 80% of the kids’ diet.

I know my brother and his wife have tried hard to introduce them to other foods, but they just wont eat it. I love the two kids to bits, I really do.

However, I want to travel to experience the food culture and that is a major part of it for me. I want to get off the beaten path and experience things in life I haven’t been brave enough to experience before. For me, selfishly, this trip is about the end of my cancer and celebrating that there is life after cancer. It’s also not something I can easily afford.

This is where I might be TA. I asked my brother to come travel with me, and when he said his kids would come too, I told him I would rather travel with someone else. He is disappointed and angry with me, and frustrated that I don’t want to travel with his family. He feels I am being selfish as traveling with his children can also be fulfilling.

I would also like to spend time with them and do some child friendly things during the holiday. He had already gotten my niece and nephew excited about the travel too. To make things worse, we live in different countries so we don’t see each other a lot. They will be very disappointed when they learn I have pulled the plug on the plans. I feel conflicted. So, AITA?

ETA: I am currently having cancer treatment. I only just started. I have grade 3, stage 3 thyroid cancer that is spread to cervical spine. I have chemo now, started first round, and then surgery, then more chemo and then radio. The travel won’t be until late 2026 at the earliest (god willing). ETA: the travel will be 2 weeks ETA: it’s not a holiday to a tourist destination, I look to go off the beaten path.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

International-Fee255 wrote:

NTA. Even if these kids were willing to try everything, kids that age still need to have almost everything edited to suit their needs. This would be a holiday for them, with you tagging along. Find someone else to go with, or really brave it and go by yourself.

OP responded:

Thank you. That’s what I intend to do. I guess I needed someone to say it’s okay to be selfish.

Odd-Resource3025 wrote:

NTA. Your brother is being a horrible parent. You are a reasonable adult to his childish thinking. He knows this is unreasonable, and he's attempting to bully you into a different celebration. Stand firm and explain why to the kids. Pull up Google Maps and show where there are almost no places for them to eat. They are old enough to hear the facts and decide to stay home.

I'm sorry your older brother is being an AH. I'm an older sister who is older than him. As a wiser "sibling," always keep your joy and remember this is your beautiful life. It's too short for second-guessing ourselves. You know he's wrong, and you just need to stand strong. He's trying to make you uncomfortable, and you must not take on those vibes.

Your vibes are joy and celebration of life. His is to bully you into a different trip that doesn't honor you. It's such that your older brother is selfish. On the plus side, I think this is the universe telling you he's not the person to have this trip with. I hope you have a wonderful trip and enjoy all the food.

charismatictictic wrote:

NTA. You invited your brother, and he assumed his kids were invited, and got them excited. That’s on him. Also, cancer is kind of a big deal. Wanting to have a one of a kind experience tailored specifically for you after going through that hell might be selfish, but it’s also one of the few times in life where being 100% selfish is the only right choice.

If you are open to it, you could travel with your brother and the friend, explain what you will be doing on the trip, and tell them that they are welcome to come along, but that this trip is for you and that if they want to eat French fries at McDonald’s, they can do that, but you won’t be joining them. If you don’t want that kind of trip, that’s also completely fine, cancer or not tbh.

OP responded:

Thank you. I have just started the hell and just wanted something to feel excited about, something to look forward to. The next few months are going to suck balls.

charismatictictic responded:

Wait, I misread your post, you are currently undergoing cancer treatment, and your brother is concerned about his little French fry munchers disappointment?

I know you love them, and love him, but as an outsider, in this specific situation, and with all due respect: f him.

OP responded:

Yes. I have stage 3, grade 3 papillary thyroid cancer that has spread to cervical tissue and some nodes. So while it should be treatable, there is a good chance it comes back after treatment. I’m quite scared to be honest.

charismatictic responded:

I’m so sorry about that. That sounds terrifying and really hard. I really hope you beat it, get to enjoy your travel, and get to live a long happy life without it.

fiercequality wrote:

NTA. If rhere is anytime when it's okay to be selfish, it's after you just beat f#$@ing CANCER. This is your trip; you're going for a particular reason with particular aims in mind. Your brother is being incredibly dense here. I don't know what to tell you about your relationship; however, I can state unequivocally that you are NOT on the wrong. Go celebrate your god news.

Pinksocks867 wrote:

Why can't your brother go without the kids?

OP responded:

He wants the kids to come along, it would be a great experience for them. He wouldn’t be able to afford a second trip with the kids nor would he be able to get the time off work. I’d love to travel with the kids, but maybe just not this time. They’re good kids.

spacestonks wrote:

Perhaps you could run planning a real family trip by your brother for 1 year after your post cancer trip? You might explain to the kids:

"I love you so much I want to make a trip with you extra special, but I'm too tired to plan such a fun trip because I'm still ending my sickness. I need a little break after the illness, but the vacation won't be so fun for you--ill still need rest on the trip now. Wouldn't it be more fun if we all plan a real amazing trip together for when I have more energy for fun?! Will you help me?"

Then you could video call your nieces and nephews and have them help plan some of the details. Like offer options at each step you adults would be happy either way with. "Should we go to Japan or Vietnam? Let's learn about those places together and decide!"

Then let them make the final call. They'll feel so involved and important. This planning can start before your post cancer trip so they are building excitement and feel less like they missed out this time.

OP responded:

The more I think about it the worse the idea of Vietnam and Japan with kids is. I think the kids would do well at a tourist destination in Thailand where you can find Italian restaurants or a McDonald’s though. Or Disneyland or whatever. I wasn’t very clear in my post that the holiday I am thinking is like a year from now at earliest.

I’ve stage 3, grade 3, papillary thyroid cancer. That means it’s locally spread. My hope is chemo makes it much smaller and that it kills off all cells in the cervical tissue, but there are no guarantees. So far I have only had one round of chemo and I have 5 more months left, so any travel is long way away.

Melodic-Heron-1585 wrote:

I've been to Vietnam. The kids would likely be miserable. On a bright note, we ate pho every day for breakfast. Off the beaten path places don't generally customize street food, lots of strange ( but yummy) food.

Tell your brother to take the kids to a Vietnamese restaurant- it will not go well.

Edited to add: the rickshaws used for the majority of transport there also only seat two.