'AITA for refusing to visit my mother for Mother's Day because of a hurtful comment?' She did apologize.'

"AITA for refusing to visit my mother for Mother's Day because of a hurtful comment even when she apologized?"

Context: After dad passed away, our mom sent me and my siblings to live with different relatives. After some time, she married again and had two children (12F & 15M) with Carlos, our stepdad.

Three years ago, Carlos contacted us so we could all reconnect and it has been a steady but difficult journey ever since. We have a get together at least twice a year, once on Mother's Day and once on November.

Yesterday, I (26F) woke up to a text from my older brother (30M) in our group chat that just said "she doesn't want us to come". It was a screenshot from a text from our mother that said "Hey Dani, I am telling this to you because you are the most reasonable one of them, but I hope you can tell this to your siblings.

It would mean a lot for me if you all could not come for Mother's Day this year. I just want to have an uncomplicated holiday with my younger children." then Dani asks "lol are we complicated?" and our mother says "you bring complicated feelings.

I can't look at any of you without being reminded of him and I just don't want to cry myself to sleep like the other years in what is supposed to be my day." At this we all obviously cancelled our arrangements.

At night, mom called me. She apologized, said she was just having a bad mental health day and didn't think before she sent the text. That of course she wanted us there for Mother's Day.

I told her that I wouldn't come, and that it was alright for her to not want us there but she chose the most hurtful way to say so. She walked out on us once, she could have just stayed away. She started crying and apologizing and I just hanged up.

So, now none of us want to go to her house for Mother's Day. Her, Carlos and the kids have been calling and sending a lot of messages saying she is sorry and she didn't really mean it, and I feel like an ahole for ignoring it. Two of my older brothers say they are done with her while one of them is as conflicted as I am. AITA?

Here's what people had to say about this one:

meaddison said:

I'm gonna go with NTA. I mean, she sent y'all away to live with other relatives! She willingly gave y'all up and has the nerve to say yall bring complicated feelings? Because losing your father then being ABANDONED by your mother is so simple. She may have lost her husband, but you lost BOTH parents. Sorry for my rant but no, you are definitely NTA.

algunarubia said:

NTA. There are certain things no decent person would say, and "I don't want to see the children I abandoned on Mother's Day" is one of them. Maybe spend time with your other siblings doing something fun - that's what I did on Father's day after my dad passed but before I had kids.

BluBeams said:

NTA. While I understand mom was having a bad day and is allowed to feel how she feels, I don't agree with the way she went about doing it and what she said to you. There's no way on Earth I could ever be away from my kids on my day. They're the reason I'm a mother FFS.

I would never turn them away or tell them their presence hurts me. What an awful thing to SAY to your children. I emphasize say, because it's one thing to think it, but to actually say it is heartbreaking. Do what you feel you have to do.

Interesting-Long-534 said:

NTA. Simply tell her you have decided to protect your mental health and you won't be seeing her. If you feel like maintaining a relationship with her, never see her on Mother's Day again. I'm sure there are people in your life who are more deserving of being celebrated on Mother's Day than the person who abandoned you when you needed her most.

AffectionateCable793 said:

NTA. You egg donor is selfish. Instead of being an adult or a parent, she chose to forego her responsibilities. She didn’t even reach out to you. Her husband did. Clearly she doesn’t want you guys around. You guys should just go back to being no contact. It’s what she really wants.

Srvntgrrl_789 said:

NTA. Your mom abandoned you and sent you away right after your dad died. Whatever the circumstances were, that doesn’t matter. She should’ve gotten you all back when she had the chance, but she didn’t.

She doesn’t get to be an AH like that and blame it on a bad mental health day. That’s narcissism. Maybe she doesn’t realize it, but it is. I don’t know what to say beyond that she clearly needs professional help with her issues.