'AITA for refusing to watch videos of a family member's wedding?' 'I had a right to stand my ground.'

"AITA for refusing to watch photos/videos of a family member's wedding?"

I heard the grapevine that one of my first cousins on my dad's side (his sister's child) was getting married. Apparently it had been planned for months, but neither I (30F) nor dad and I got an invitation. Another uncle (her uncle as well) did get invited and went to the wedding out of town, but we were clearly snubbed.

No one including this first cousin's siblings (my first cousins as well) said anything to us - we only heard through word of mouth from other extended family members. Keep in mind that my dad has a huge family of about 9 brothers and sisters plus their children, etc.

I saw this cousin last year when I attended her dad's funeral, and we've talked periodically since then. As a child, she used to visit us and we always took her around, hosted her, etc. So I'm not a stranger to her.

She has a reputation for being selfish and spoiled (not the good kind - disrespectful and demanding), so when I found out that I wasn't invited - I was like "screw that then." I don't have any issues with her otherwise but my extended family can be mean spirited at times.

My other aunt was invited to the wedding and told months in advance, but couldn't make it. The day after the wedding, and she messaged me saying that she will send me the wedding video link. Apparently, a YT video link was created for streaming...but my cousin nor her mom or anyone planning the wedding called to give us an invite or tell us about the date.

I sitting here thinking "I wasn't invited, so why are you sending me a link to sit and watch a wedding that I was excluded from?" I got mad and told her - "Thank you for reaching out to me but I'm not interested in viewing the wedding." Then she told me "Ok, I know its still a difficult time for you, I will send you photos instead."

Its not a difficult time for me per se, but ever since my parents divorced, there's been a pattern of me being left out of family events and gatherings even though I live in the same area as most of them. It's neither here nor there, but I've moved on for the most part with my life and career.

Then I told her - "My storage is quite full, I don't want photos either." Isn't it kinda weird and rude to send photos/videos of a wedding to a family member who was clearly not invited? Wtf was my aunt thinking? She knew my dad and I weren't invited because we told her beforehand.

I don't feel entitled to be a guest at anyone's wedding, yet if I'm not invited or wanted there AND treated as an afterthought, I don't really care to engage or have anything with the couple. My mom thinks I shouldn't have said anything and let it go, but I think I had a right to stand my ground. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

MallowsMariana said:

NTA. You weren't invited to the wedding, so you're not obligated to watch photos or videos of it. It's completely understandable that you feel excluded and hurt.

Dwinxx2000 said:

NTA. I'm sorry you are getting snubbed because your parents divorced. But you seem to be handling it like an adult.

HsinVega said:

NTA it's fine to not be invited at a wedding most times, it's not close close family so kinda whatevs. But they didn't even bother telling you? That's definitely snubbing from their part so I'd say absolutely NTA for not wanting to have anything to with it. They're ignoring you it's fair that you also ignore them.

LosAngel1935 said:

NTA. Why bother looking at a family video or pictures of a wedding your family couldn't bother to send you and invite to.

GreeeeenBeeeaans said:

NTA. Not invited means not invited. I would tell her this.

Ralynne said:

Sorry, but YTA. It's fine to be mad, and it's fine to not want to look through the photos or video. But literally nothing is gained from telling her or your other family members about your disinterest.

Lots of weddings have very spotty invite lists and cousins are usually not invited-- it may not have been an intentional snub. You may be bringing a lot of purposeful angry conflict into a situation where the other person is just not thinking about your feelings very much.

Return her energy and give her back simple "thanks" type responses. Don't waste energy being angry or trying to make this into a huge dramatic fight.

Sportychicken said:

NTA. Why would you sit through a video of a wedding you weren’t invited to? You’ve made your point though so let it go. You’re not close and remember that if your cousin needs a favour in the future