'AITA for refusing to wear the 'special' bridesmaid dress my sister chose for me?'

"AITA for refusing to wear the 'special' bridesmaid dress my sister chose for me?"

I (20F) am in my older sister’s (27F) wedding in two weeks. She’s always dreamed of a fairytale wedding, and I was thrilled to be included as a bridesmaid. Everything’s been fine until she revealed our dresses. She sent me a separate package with a note saying mine was “special” and different from the others.

When I opened it, I was surprised to find a bright orange dress. Like… construction cone orange. The other bridesmaids are all wearing elegant shades of champagne. Confused, I called her and asked if this was a mistake, and she laughed, saying it wasn’t. She said she wanted me to “stand out” since I’m the youngest and to “add some fun to the lineup.”

I told her I wasn’t comfortable with the color because I felt it would make me look ridiculous standing next to everyone else, but she brushed it off, saying it’s her day and I should just go with it. When I tried to push back, she got defensive, saying, “You don’t even like weddings. You’ll survive a few hours.”

Here’s the thing, she’s not wrong. I don’t enjoy big events or being the center of attention, and she knows that. But I think it’s unfair to single me out for her amusement when this is supposed to be about her and her fiancé. I said I’d happily wear the same dress as everyone else or even step out of the bridal party, but she got upset and said I was ruining her vision.

Now my mom is involved and says I should “suck it up” because it’s just one day, and my sister’s stressed enough. I feel bad, but I also don’t want to spend an entire wedding feeling humiliated for a joke I didn’t agree to. So, AITA?

Let's see what readers thought:

veagion writes:

This sounds like it could be an "own it" scenario. I'm picturing an orange dress next to champagne and I can't see it looking good. Mind you, I'm bad at colour coordination...

Assuming I'm right, own it, and when people being up the dress put emphasis on your sister picking it. "Thanks! The bride picked it." "Isn't it an interesting colour? The bride picked it."

Chances are in a few years she'll look at the wedding photos and regret the decision.

But also, does the dress fit right? It is flattering on you otherwise? If yes, it's not a big deal and your sisters issue if she regrets it.

If no, the dress does not fit right and is unflattering, I'd understand dropping out. I'm not really sure what to judge so maybe INFO on if the dress fits properly.

frivololuss66 writes:

it's an ESH for me. i think there's a LOT of jumping to conclusions about your sister doing an elaborate scheme just to embarrass you on a day im assuming she spent a lot of money on. unless there's a history of you being the butt of the joke, this just sounds kinda ridiculous to me.

it's also crazy for your sister to not think about how you might feel, even if it is her big day. i couldn't have a great day knowing someone close to me was having a bad one.

if you and your sister don't have a good enough relationship for you to suck it up, wear the dress, and laugh off any potential comments about it with "yeah, sister picked it out. not sure why but hey, it's her wedding!" then it doesn't sound worth it to be in the party.

if you do have a decent relationship... well i don't think you'd be afraid she's setting you up.

now if she's expecting you to buy the dress, then hell no, text her and tell her to get her head on right.

it's also one day of your life and hers. again, if you guys get along for the most part, i don't think this is a big deal.

laianus writes:

Question: what are the lines of the dress like? Does the cut and fit look good? Orange isn't flattering on most people, so the choice seems like deliberate sabotage.

However, there is a possibility of turning the tables on her if the dress fits well. I have a weird skin tone and bright orange looks great on me, so I'm more aware of the potential than some might be.

Can you find a necklace in a color that really flatters you so you are wearing a different color near your face? White, silver, navy? Get a great haircut? On the other hand, if the dress is an unflattering cut, I'd exit the wedding party.

aroup writes:

If OP is the maid of honor it’s not uncommon for them to wear a different color or dress than the rest of the bridal party. The bride also didn’t say she was doing it to make fun of OP just wanted OP to stand out which again isn’t uncommon if she is the maid of honor.

I know some families also like for their siblings to outshine the rest of the bridal party. While I think construction orange is tacky and a terrible color choice she didn’t say the bride is choosing it out of malice just that she wanted her sister to stand out.

I have been in plenty of weddings where the colors were terrible and I hated the dress and 3 of those I was the maid of honor so my dress was substantially different both in style and color. I hated 2 out of the 3 but it’s not my day and if that’s what would make them happy then why not?

If the bride is intentionally doing it to make OP feel uncomfortable then OP is NTA. However, if the bride genuinely loves the color and thinks she is doing something special for her sister then OP is TA because it’s not about her, it’s about the bride.

joangae writes:

NTA - In my experience people who pull this crap would never do it if the roles were reversed. You could just let your mom and sister know that weddings aren't your tiny and being in the bridal party is too much.

You just want to sit quietly in the back. If they push tell them nevermind you'll just stay home if they are going to make it more stressful but you have to be willing to follow through.

rath writes:

Yeah you are kinda being TA. But do not forget turnabout is fair play. Ask her to be your bridesmaid when you get married...

agaort writes:

NTA and your sister doesn’t like you and is being deliberately cruel. What happened when you two were growing up? You’re much younger than her at least as kids you’d be the baby . Are you favored a lot over her, just asking.

Did she get blamed or punished for stuff you did. What she’s doing with this bridesmaid dress is bizarre and there’s a reason. I don’t know what to tell you to do. You will standout like a sore thumb and for some reason she’s ok with this. Good luck.

garoungder writes:

Sorry babe, going against the grain-you’re being TAH here. Its her wedding. If she wants you to wear a dress made of traffic cones, that’s weird bride taste. You will not be the first or last bridesmaid in a hideous dress. Especially since there doesn’t seem to be any reasons you sister would choose to make her wedding about you.

Additionally, orange is one of the colors people see differently the most. What you find a a garish bright orange might look like a joyful tangerine to her. Assuming it is an actual bridesmaid dress and not a custom dress, it’s probably way more boring than it looks to you, they don’t get that exciting.