'AITA for rehoming my brother-in-law’s tortoise without telling him?' 'It'll suffer the same fate as the gecko.'

"AITA for rehoming my brother-in-law’s tortoise without telling him?"

My (31F) husband (30M) and I let my brother in law (20M) move in with us late last year following graduating trade school. He’s young, struggling, and has been having a hard time adjusting to adulthood. We wanted to give him stability and support while he figures things out.

But since moving in, his behavior has been difficult to manage. He acts much younger than his age (almost like a rebellious teenager), struggles with basic responsibilities, and has been very apathetic about things in general. Recently its become clear he is utilizing chosen helplessness and weaponized incompetence.

My husband has sacrificed a lot for him; money, time, emotional energy, and recently admitted it’s wearing him down. Just in the last 2 weeks my husband is reaching his wits end (I never thought the day would come as my husband has this sort of guilt/obligation to his family).

One of the biggest issues has been my BIL's pets. He brought a gecko and a tortoise with him. Earlier in June, I texted him to remind him that he needed to step up his animal care, because I noticed he was neglecting them (tanks so underkept that my house smelled, covered in feces, water bowl bone dry, their food in the fridge that had gone bad WEEKS ago).

Within a week, the gecko died. He didn’t really show much emotion about it, and it was clear to me that neglect was a major factor. Now, I’ve noticed his tortoise is also being neglected. I feed and check on it sometimes just to make sure it’s alive, but it’s not my pet and I didn’t sign up for this responsibility (we took care of his pets the year he went away for school, our part is done regarding his pets care).

I’m worried it’s going to suffer the same fate as the gecko if nothing changes. I’ve thought about quietly rehoming the tortoise to someone who would actually take care of it. I wouldn’t tell him beforehand, because if I do, he’ll either promise to do better (and then not follow through), or get defensive.

I also don’t want to wait until it’s too late, like with the gecko. There's actually a nonprofit zoo nearby that takes in exotic animals as well as cats/dogs people can no longer care for.

On one hand, I feel like this would be crossing a boundary; he’s an adult, and it’s his pet. On the other hand, I don’t want to sit by and watch another animal die because of his apathy. So, AITA if I rehome his tortoise without telling him?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Merrik4t said:

NTA - rehome it and tell him it died.

Briiiiiiyonce said:

NTA. You would be if you let an innocent animal die because of a terrible pet owner. He shouldn’t be allowed to have any pets. Good on you.

Spare_Necessary_810 said:

NTA, do it. I can’t stand people who neglect or abuse animals and l don’t consider they deserve anyone carefully stepping around their feelings.

RoboTaco_ said:

NTA. Rehome the tortoise. When he notices and asks about it tell him it died and you took care of it. It will die if you don’t do it. And tell him no more pets or he is out!

richb0199 said:

NTA You would be saving a life. However, you need to kick this irresponsible loser out. It's stressful for your husband. He can join the military and they'll drill responsibility into him.

Inconceivable44 said:

NTA, I'd rehome it. Be aware though, it is technically theft. BIL would have a case if he decided to report it. I'd go with saying it died.