'AITA for rejecting my dad's efforts to stay in my life after he cheated on my mom and moved in with his pregnant other woman?'
"AITA for rejecting my dad's efforts to stay in my life after he cheated on my mom and moved in with his pregnant other woman?"
My parents separated last year after my mom found out my dad had been cheating on her with a woman he worked with. He got her pregnant and he found out that when mom learned he was cheating. She broke up with dad and filed for divorce.
Dad moved into an apartment with the other woman. He tried to set up chances for me to meet her and spend weeks or weekends with them but I wanted to stay where I was and I didn't want to see him with her. Like wtf why would I want to meet the other woman?
Dad told me he hadn't wanted any of this to hurt me but he fell out of love with mom and always intended to leave her when I turned 18 and moved out. He said that the affair was to help him survive the last few years of being with mom.
I told him they were weak ass reasons and he told me I was too young to understand but he only married mom because she got pregnant with me and then she never gave him other kids and their sex life was awful. I asked him what was wrong with him telling me something like that.
At the time he was like Oh you're 17 now so you're old enough to know this kind of thing and I told him it was waaaay TMI to say to his son. He told me he'd be brutally honest with me even if it was TMI to save our relationship.
I told him to save our relationship he'd have to undo the affair and making another baby. Dad showed up outside my school every Friday trying to take me out to lunch or trying to take me to meet his other woman.
After the other woman gave birth he showed up with the baby and tried to introduce me to her but I ignored him and would text him that I would not be the involved big brother to his affair kid and he couldn't make me meet them for real. The divorce was finalized three months ago and my dad immediately married the other woman. I was invited and didn't go.
Then he announced that she was pregnant again and he told me we're officially family now and I should meet her and their daughter and actually join in the family. He said he loved and missed me and didn't want to lose me and he could show me that none of this had to end our relationship and we could all be happy.
I told him that his actions made me see him different, that he lost my respect when he cheated and knocked someone else up. I pointed out how I'm 18 now and just like he was ready to leave mom when I turned 18 I was ready to leave him and legally could. Then I asked him to leave me alone and I told him I wasn't going to give in because I don't want to be a part of his affair family.
He gave me a couple of weeks to come crawling back before he was like please don't give up on us and stuff like that. When I didn't reply I got a call from my grandma and she was asking me why I was giving up on my dad and why I'd pass up the chance for siblings.
She said even imperfect parents can be important for us and to imagine how I'll feel in 30 years when I miss the chance to say goodbye to dad and don't known my only siblings.
I told her I really didn't care because his affair kids will never be real siblings in my eyes and I feel like I already said my goodbye's to dad. I had nothing else left to say. She said that was disappointing but also a very 18 year old way to look at things. AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. your dad is an AH. You are not required to do anything you do not want to do with him, his affair partner, and your half siblings. If he forces the issue, you can always ask him(in front of her) if he told her she was just supposed to be a temporary bang buddy until the divorce, but he apparently never learned how condoms work and got baby trapped again, then walk away.
Calvyyyx1 (OP)
I still haven't really met her so I really don't want to do that just for a moment like that. But I might say it in front of other people and it might embarrass him enough to leave me alone.
Had your dad been adult enough to be honest with his feeling, perhaps you could still have had a relationship. But no, he claims your mom baby trapped him, but isn't that exactly what this new affair has done as well? Doesn't sound like the brightest crayon. Better for your dad to accept that actions have consequences. NTA.
Calvyyyx1 (OP)
He didn't even say mom baby trapped him. Just that he stayed for me because he wanted to be a full time dad. Kinda hard to buy that when he was out screwing some woman when he could've been doing stuff with me.
NTA, I’ve been estranged from my father for over 20 years now. He was a philanderer and he never thought his cheating should affect his relationships with his kids. It did. He is very religious too 🤣😂 so the fact that I’m no longer Christian and won’t forgive him is comical.
Even religious he cheated. I have simply told him he is not the kind of person I want in my life. He cheated on his family and he has shown who he is as a person. He can hide behind his sky daddy all he wants but as a woman he has severely altered my view of men.
He is not a good man and I’m willing to interact with my very flawed mother because she showed up. His 🍆 was more important than his daughters. PS. I have no regrets not having a relationship I don’t. No matter what his family says I have no feelings for him. You won’t regret it.
I’m so glad you aren’t falling for his manipulative bs. He’s trying to blame you. He cheated so he could survive? Dude no one dies from lack of sex. He’s a selfish bastard. In spite of having a terrible male role model, you are a level headed young man.
NTA. Your dad is though. He was stringing your mom along with plans to leave her. That’s cruel. He’s going to have the same story with his affair partner. He married her because she got pregnant. Then he was stuck when she got pregnant again. I’m sure he’ll make his exit plan and cheat on her as well. He’s a jerk. Update me.
Calvyyyx1 (OP)
I know!! I was so pissed on mom's behalf and it makes me ask if he ever cared or if he married her thinking he'd get more babies than just me.
As others have said, NTA. Your dad betrayed your trust and no amount of begging on his part will change that. Thank goodness you're 18 now—you're under no obligation to engage with your dad's new wife and children.
If you're grandmother has gotten involved, please know that they might try to trick you into meeting them. They might "randomly" show up at a family gathering or something like that.