'AITA for rejecting my dads new wife (AKA my ex best friend)?'
"AITA for rejecting my dad's new wife (AKA my ex best friend)?"
The events unfolded in 2018 when I (37F) was struggling with my long time friendship with “Betty“ (48F). Our relationship involved a period of years of “co-counseling” which matters in context to this story.
She was extremely possessive of our friendship and would get mad at me that I was spending more time with my new boyfriend than with her. She also would share my business with people despite multiple conversations about not talking about me with others.
And would not respect my boundaries around topics I did not want to be a part of knowing anything about. I was frantically figuring out how to extricate myself from this relationship, when my dad (61M) and her hooked up and started dating (they knew each other from community circles my family is in).
I was irate as you can imagine, and after a few months of trying to figure out WTF, told her and my dad in a long email I no longer wanted to be friends with her in any capacity or otherwise speak again.
My dad told me she felt “betrayed” and he was so “heartbroken” and they both want reconciliation. In my mind, this is a severe betrayal. I want nothing to do with either one of them, but I love my dad and we had a very strong relationship up to this point. I am also one of many children in a big extended family unit that I treasure.
I tried for 2 years with my dad to find acknowledgment and accommodations for this betrayal, but he always defends her and their relationship. I secretly just hoped it would just end of its own destruction. But now they are married.
At this point Betty is at most every family function. My dad doesn’t even bother to tell me if she’s coming, or ask my permission for her to come to my house. I finally lost it when he added her to my family group text thread.
Can I have One Single Place where she doesn’t exist for me?? If I’m cordial at a gathering he says things like “it’s so wonderful to see things between you two softening” (barf. I’m not softening. I’m just not an ahole).
I restated my boundaries with my father and my siblings, stating I need consent for her invitation to my home, not add her to my texts, and give me a heads up if she’s going to be at a family event. And stop pushing reconciliation on me!
Now my dad is upset, he doesn’t understand why I can’t just “find healing” and the whole family Xmas is likely ruined because I put my foot down around my boundaries. AITA? Bonus. How would you handle this cray cray situation knowing you want to keep your family you love in your life?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Itchy_Juice_2528 said:
NTA. Just keep doing what you're doing so you can still have a relationship with your family. If you dad says anything about healing etc, roll your eyes and move on.
morbidnerd said:
NTA. I'm petty, so I'd make it a point to bring up every scandalous and humiliating secret she has at family get togethers.
grayblue_grrl said:
I would not have a relationship with my father or my ex friend. Of course she would not have been my friend after the first incidence of her not respecting boundaries. So this is just her taking that disrespect of your boundaries to the limit. NTA.
Vestiel said:
Hot take: she was so jealous and possessive of OP that she married OPs father. NTA.
Briscogun said:
"How would you handle this cray cray situation knowing you want to keep your family you love in your life?" You can't. She's a part of your dad's life now. Your siblings don't have an issue with her. It's just you and her. You either suck it up and figure it out or you remove yourself from the equation. That's it. NTA but you have a decision to make.
okilz said:
At this point I'd just start being rude, make it uncomfortable enough for everyone that people have to choose between the two of you, because that's the only way it's happening. Nta.
TheeFlipper said:
NTA. But I think you should stop being mad and start being indifferent about her existence in your life unless you plan to cut off your father.