"AITA for rejecting my mom's 'loving gesture?'"
I (Autistic Adult, M) live with my mother. She works with cooking, while I work at home doing art. My mother works at a restaurant that focuses on pastas and noodles. She has brought home food from work, and it's often, you guessed it, pasta.
I do not like pasta, but I will eat it if I'm very hungry. However, I've gotten very tired of pasta really quick. I'd say it's on my list of "disliked foods," and she should know this because I've told her a couple of times already.
It's not like I don't cook, I do. In fact, since she works all day, I'm the one who cooks for me and for her (when she comes back from work) She often times doesn't eat what I made because she's too tired, or because she already ate at work. That's fine with me.
Anyway, a few weeks ago, I told her about how I was craving some fried rice (from Chinese takeout) and she told me she'd bring some one of these days. Well past forward to today, she texts me saying she's at one of these places that sells fried rice, and then she proceeds to tell me she wants to order PASTA instead of fried rice because she's not feeling fried rice.
I tell her that it's confusing of her to tell me that, KNOWING I wanted fried rice and am tired of pasta. I told her "That's like me telling you I want donuts, and then you walk into a donut shop and buy me a cupcake instead. Why?"
She got pretty angry at me and started saying "make your choice already" but what choice? She did not give me a choice? I mentioned this to her and she went on about how I'm ungrateful.
It really stung, so when she asked me if I still wanted the pasta, I told her she didn't need to buy me anything if she did not want to waste her money (because during her rant, she mentioned her money being tight) I thought this would ease things up.
This only made her more angry, and she sent me a message saying how this was a "loving gesture" and how ungrateful I am, etc. I hate being called ungrateful, because she uses it towards me a lot and it really does hurt me.
Especially since I am autistic and a picky eater, despite that, I still eat pasta whenever she brings some home, I'm just tired of it. She has a history of bringing me things I do not like, and expecting me to like it. It feels like she doesn't know me at all, even though I am her son, and I've communicated with her about my likes and dislikes. So AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
ConflictGullible392 said:
NTA. This is weird. Why couldn’t she just get fried rice for you and pasta for herself?
Final-Dirt-5250 said:
NTA. Huge sigh as I have very similar experiences with my mother. It isn't about pasta, it's about her history of bringing you things you don't like and expecting you to be happy about it, because to her it's an expression of love.
It's frustrating, especially when you've communicated your dislikes to her before. I've given in and just accept whatever she brings, but you don't have to, you could try to communicate (which often leads to no ends), or be firm and reject.
Gaberahamj said:
NTA it's not really a nice gesture to buy something for someone when you know it's something they do not want and do not enjoy.
Trixie6090 said:
If she was already at the place that had fried rice why didn’t she just get it for you?? And make pasta for herself? Nta.
Nice-Bad-930 said:
NTA. You shouldn't be forced to eat something you don't want to eat. I think it's absurd that she made the effort to go to a place that sells fried rice only to order pasta. I don't understand how you're being ungrateful for not forcing yourself to eat something you're tired of forcing yourself to eat.
JuliaJupeter said:
You are NTA for being honest and straightforward about your preferred preference.