Dating dad labeled ‘boring’ after rejecting single mom's 'wild' lifestyle. AITA?
"AITA for rejecting a single mom based on her life style and friends?"
I’m a 43 year old man who lives in Canada. My wife ended our marriage 3 years ago. She started having an affair with her married friend. She filed for divorce and left me and the kids (14m, 12f) to be with the new love in USA. I have full custody of the kids.
It was really hard at first but now we have a good routine going on and kids are doing great. They see a therapist regularly. I never dated after my divorce. I started working out mostly for stress relief and joined a running club called “boring running dads”. I’m mentally in a better space.
My best friend’s wife messaged me that she thinks she found the perfect match for me. She said “she is perfect! She is a single mom, she is cute and very outgoing! What are you doing on Friday night?”
I told her I’m driving my daughter to her practice and my son wanna bring a friend over for playing video games later. She said she will volunteer to do so I can go on the date. I told my kids that I have dinner with a friend and she ( my best friend’s wife) will be helping me.
Here is the thing: she showed up. She is 37, and she was very pretty. She has 3 kids with two dads. The dads are in the picture and get along great. Her kids (the two oldest) are around mine.
Then she started saying how fun she is! She goes clubbing with another single mom all the time. I was surprised because at our age clubbing is weird but I thought maybe because I’m a boring person.
She was laughing and bragging about how she got drunk once and her other mom friend I convinced her to do a line. Then said her sister is her best friend too and always gives her great advice.
I was like oh! That’s nice. Does she have kids? She said no haha doesn’t fit her lifestyle . She works as a dancer at club. Here is what I might have been an AH. After I paid the bill she asked me to go back to her place because kids were with their dads. I lied and said I can’t because I have to get to my kids.
When I got back I told my best friend’s wife I really didn’t click with her. She tried to convince me to give her another chance and it’s been so long for you and I’m out of touch with reality.
She said I was a judgy AH that I judged her based on her sister and friends. I told her I’ll think about it. I thought about it and texted her. I said thank you for going out with me but I think we want different things in life. Good luck. Then I blocked her.
Apparently, she called my friend’s wife and got mad for setting her up with an asshole and got angry because she didn’t expect a rejection. My friend and his wife are mad and said I should have at least given a chance and I embarrassed myself by being a backward person. My friend’s wife even said I can see why your wife left your boring ass! Was an I an AH?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
NTA. If you don't like the club scene, why would you be with someone involved in the club scene!?!? You seem to value family and home, a woman doing lines, getting drunk, hooking up with Randoms doesn't exactly align with what you are interested in.
He needs to ask his "friends" why in the world they thought he would agree to all the above as well! They don't know him at ALL!
You're not wrong. I missed the part where you gave them permission to set you up with someone. I also missed the part where you are expected to force yourself into a relationship that you didn't ask for in the first place.
Do not ever let anyone destroy your peace. It's also not your fault that a grown ass woman, or man as the case may be, can't seem to handle rejection. You're clearly better off.
ChampionshipOne3674 (OP)
I didn’t ask or gave permission to be set up. She convinced me and I was like okay why not it’s just a dinner.
That is a truly terrible thing your friend’s wife said about understanding why your wife left you. Completely unacceptable. I think you should go with your gut on this one. Guarantee a single mom pushing 40 who brags about going clubbing and snorting coke has a whole host of issues you’d rather not become a part of. Think of it this way. If those are the things she’s proud of, imagine the details of her life she’s ashamed of.
ChampionshipOne3674 (OP)
Honestly, I can never expose my kids to this. Yes I’m a boring man I know.
Who brags about doing lines of coke on a first date if you are trying to find someone to date? Sounds like she expected dinner and a hook up and she is embarrassed to be rejected.
I can't imagine running around bragging about the single life partying it up while trying to raise 3 babies ... Like grow up and settle down and maybe you can find someone for a serious relationship...NTA... She wanna act like she in her 20s... And that won't stop if you are dating .... 🤦🤷
I would absolutely not be compatible with someone who “goes clubbing” or “does coke”and hooks up with random strangers…..Nope, nope, nope. She honestly sounds like a train wreck…..maybe a fun train wreck…..but still a train wreck. You aren’t wrong.
I’ve had friends try to set me up too - their criteria was “you’re single and so is he”. I found out pretty quickly that I didn’t want to entertain that kind of thing any more. When you’re ready, get back out there. It’s a cesspool…..so pick and choose carefully:)