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'AITA for rejecting all my stepdad's attempts to be given father of the bride duties for my wedding?'

'AITA for rejecting all my stepdad's attempts to be given father of the bride duties for my wedding?'

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"AITA for rejecting all my stepdad's attempts to be given father of the bride duties for my wedding?"

My parents divorced when I (26f) was 2 and my brother (30m) was 6. Mom remarried when we were 4 and 8. We spent an equal amount of parenting time with our mom and our dad. There was no primary parent or one house we spent more time in, it was equal.

Our dad wasn't some deadbeat. He wasn't neglectful or a bad dad by any means. But our mom and stepdad expected us to consider our stepdad our new dad. There was some pressure to call him dad or something fatherly. We resisted.

My brother was grounded for saying some stuff that was disrespectful toward our stepdad. It was after that his relationship with our stepdad went from annoyed but I'll accept you being here to my brother rubbing it in his face constantly that our stepdad wasn't a real dad and had no kids.

I never fought with my stepdad or my mom. But I never saw him as my second dad either. It always made me unhappy the way they spoke like my dad was somehow lesser than my stepdad and that he didn't provide us with a real home or family because he was single.

I admit I always thought it weird when they saw it like that because my stepdad technically our real family either. Like if we're going into specifics I would say he was less the real family than my dad. It was always a weird relationship. I never really got close to my stepdad and my relationship with my mom was never the greatest.

The relationship I had with my stepdad bothered her. She wanted us to be the tight knit family unit, she wanted my dad to be the outsider and she hated that her husband was really the outsider and over time she was more of the outsider too. We didn't trust her or lean on her like we did our dad.

My brother was 13 when he started staying with dad full time and he didn't ever go to mom's house after that. I think if he had he and my stepdad would have killed each other. I made the choice at 15 to live with dad full time.

My mom and stepdad did everything to try and change my mind but it didn't work and I have less of a relationship with them every year, by choice. They try to make it better but to them it means they're my parents and he's my dad and he's just not.

They gave up on my brother because my brother has continued to say he will never speak respectfully to our stepdad. When he got married it was a big shitshow with my mom and stepdad.

My brother asked dad to be his best man and when my mom found out from a relative on her side she and my stepdad were beside themselves over it. They saw it as the most unexpected thing even though my brother had made his feelings clear. They weren't invited to the wedding which was the final nail in the coffin.

I never went no contact as my brother but low contact fits better. I had intended to invite them to the wedding and it was mostly because a small part of me feels bad about my mom losing both kids. But now I'm questioning that because of the issue of the father of the bride duties. My stepdad wanted to walk me down the aisle or do the father-daughter dance.

I told him I was doing both with dad, alone. He offered to pay for the wedding if I'd let him do it. I said no and he bargained for just one of them and he'd still pay. I said no. This was all done via text.

When mom found out I had rejected all his attempts she texted me that I wasn't showing him the respect and I could've had a much worse stepdad and I never fully appreciated what a great man he is and all the effort he put into trying to be our dad. That actually did end in a fight because I told her they went about it wrong.

Now I'm left with my head buzzing and a lot of doubt. AITA? Should I go no contact now and be done like my brother. All this stuff. But for the point of the post I'm asking if I'm TA.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

“You never appreciated all the effort he put into trying to replace your dad 😭”

Exactly! That and "you never appreciated all the effort that you never freaking asked for and made abundantly clear you didn't want!"

NTA. You were gracious enough to give them an inch and they try to take a mile! I would rescind their invitation. Also I imagine bro wouldn't be happy to see step-dad at your wedding at all considering that he absolutely hates his guts.

Nah, you’re not the asshole. It’s your wedding, and your real dad has always been there for you. Your stepdad can’t just buy those moments. Respect isn’t forced, it’s earned. Do what feels right for you and don’t let them guilt-trip you.

You can always do what I did with my stepdad: "You are the man who married my mother, not my parent. You never will be my parent. I had a father, and he may be gone but he is still my ONLY father. Your own son doesn't even call you dad, so get out of my face or the names I call you will be a lot more embarrassing." He never tried to push it again.

NTA. It sounds like you've made it clear from the start about your feelings towards your stepdad. Respecting someone as a person doesn't mean you owe them parental titles or roles in your life. It's your wedding, and you should feel comfortable and happy with who is involved and how. It's unfair of them to try to buy their way into a role that has significant emotional meaning to you.

NTA. You have no obligation to include them in the wedding at all. You are generously inviting them to attend.. At this point, I would say that they don't even deserve that.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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