Simple anniversary photo proves that couple's relationship has been 'living rent free' in her head for 15 years. AITA?
"Found out my relationship lives rent-free in a 'friend's' head."
Good day everyone! A bit of drama popped into my life over the weekend, and I need some place to share it as I need to rant. I’ll hop right in. It’s a bit lengthy. Sorry. So, my husband and I dated through college and got married within a week of graduation, which means our anniversary was this month.
I posted a photo on Facebook of us having celebratory sushi and a little blurb along the lines of: “15 years together. Married my best friend. Together till the end.” It was a bit more than that, but that’s the gist of it.
On Saturday, my husband’s high school friend (We’ll call him Todd) called my husband and asked to have the post taken down because it was “Pissing off his wife”. (We’ll call the wife Susan)
My husband doesn’t really use Facebook but looked up the post while on the phone with Todd and was confused and pushed back. My husband’s usually the peace-keeping type but he thought the post was cute and didn’t understand why Susan (who was also a high school friend of his) would be upset.
It was just a selfie of us each holding a piece of sushi up and smiling stupidly. Todd and Susan love sushi, too, so it’s not a food thing. Per my husband, Todd was a bit cagey about WHY he wanted the post taken down, and just kept asking for my husband to “Do him a solid.” Husband refused and Todd hung up after calling him a few choice words.
My husband and Todd’s little sister (Jessie) are also friends. She moved to our town to attend the same college as us and likewise stayed in the area. Todd and Susan live about 5 hours away back in my husband’s hometown, so we only see them a few times a year when we go visit the family for holidays.
Sometimes Jessie and her partner ride with us when we make the trip. Since she lives super close to us, we see each other a lot. My husband and Jessie are “Sourdough sisters” and share baking recipes. Since Todd was acting stupid, my husband called Jessie to see what was going on. Jessie came over to finally spill the beans.
For a little background: Todd and Susan are a year older than us and got married the year before my husband and I graduated. They had a grand wedding. 250+ people. Two wedding dresses. A ring you could see from space. A honeymoon on a beach somewhere.
For two kids from Nowhere Missouri, it was a massive celebration that cost them a ton of money because their parents couldn’t afford to chip in. It was LOVELY and the two looked super happy.
When my husband and I got married, we did it in a park with an open invitation for anyone to come. There wasn’t really anything planned. Just a “I want to marry you, but not at a courthouse. Let’s do this.” $50 on a dress from Sears, an ordained family member, $150 for a ring I picked out with my husband, and my dad found me my favorite wildflowers to make a bouquet with.
The ceremony took all of 20 minutes and since there was only a dozen or so people who made it (mostly immediate family) my dad announced he was taking everyone out to a local place for brunch on him.
I know I’m biased, but it was the best wedding ever. Those who made it still talk about how much fun they had and how they enjoyed the small ceremony and chillness of the entire thing.
Todd and Susan didn’t make our wedding, which was fine, as they had a newborn and were 5 hours away. I wouldn’t expect them to drive that far for such a short shindig. They sent us congratulations and Susan called me personally to gush about how lovely everything looked and to ask about our honeymoon plans. I thought we were friends as she’s always nice (to my face, apparently).
From what Jessie spilled, Susan originally liked us in college. Todd and Susan also went to the same college as us but moved back to their hometown after graduation. She knew my husband from high school and the two were close friends. Todd and Susan had been dating since they were Freshmen in high school.
According to Jessie, Susan would jokingly say we were “two ugly ducklings who were destined for one another.” Which, quite frankly, was rude as frick to learn. I mean, yeah, we aren’t conventionally attractive (both a little overweight and both short enough to be hobbits) but my husband is totes-adorbs and I love the way he looks. And he seems to like me well enough.
As it turns out, Susan HATES us. With a passion that I just cannot comprehend. She hates our hobbies (Dungeons and dragons, video games, LARPing with friends in a park, and gardening).
She hates our clothes (basic normal human clothes. Tshirt, pants, hoodies, sneakers.). She hates our house (800 sqft 2 bedrooms in a quiet subdivision). She hates that we don’t have kids (childfree. Mostly by choice but also due to medical reasons).
According to Jessie, Susan’s hatred really kicked into overdrive after our wedding. It began with little digs about the wedding itself. My wedding was cheap, tacky, low-class, poor. The kind of thing we should be ashamed of. That we shouldn’t have bothered if we were going to have a wedding like ours.
According to Jessie, Susan seemed to take our wedding as a personal attack against her. Like we insulted her by having a wedding that was so completely different. There was nothing wrong with Susan’s wedding. It was great, just not a wedding I would want for myself, and since none of our guests overlapped, it wasn’t like people in her social circle were comparing the two.
At that period in my life, I was posting a lot on Facebook, so she had a window into our lives. Since the wedding cost us almost nothing, we started our marriage with only school debt, which she hated because they were drowning in both school and wedding debt.
We both got full-time jobs right out of college, which she hated because Todd bounced from job to job for years because he hates having a boss. He even tried to start his own business a few times and each fell through.
A year into our marriage, we went house hunting and found our current home, and because of a rural development government loan, we were able to get the house with no downpayment and roll all the fees into the home loan.
Basically, we went from paying $500/month in rent to $500/month in mortgage with no change in our bank account. Whereas they had to live with their parents because of debt, which she hated.
Susan hates that my husband and I enjoy spending time together. She hates that his hobbies are my hobbies, and my hobbies are his hobbies. She hates that we used the snowball method to crush our student loans into the dirt and now our only debt is the house.
She hates that we’re on the same page with everything in our lives. She hates that we never seem to fight (we bicker and argue like any married couple, but we don’t post about it on Facebook so I guess she thinks we just always get along).
Jessie never said anything to us because she didn’t want to cause a rift between my husband and Todd. Because my husband would not put up with that level of disrespect and would cut Todd out of his life and Jessie was afraid she’d be cut off as well in the crossfire. And since Susan was always able to keep a lid on the crazy around us, Jessie never told us the unhinged things Susan would vent to her about.
Susan, seeing that post I made, about 15 years of happy marriage, really pissed her off because her and Todd have been fighting a lot this year. They still owe a ton in wedding debt, and they somehow were approved to buy a house during the housing COVID craze and now they owe more than what the house is currently appraising at.
They can’t afford the payments because Todd quit his job and now has one with a lower salary, so Susan’s parents have been helping with the mortgage shortfall, which isn’t sustainable so they’re trying to sell the house.
According to Jessie, Susan doesn’t think we deserved to be happy and that we should never have been married in the first place. (I don’t follow her logic at all) Apparently, she does a lot of “people like them” talk.
Since we’re the same race, background, religion, and upbringing, and our only difference is our appearance and hobbies, it’s either a dig at our looks or our interests, which is just plain stupid. Jessie says Susan compares her marriage to ours all the time and Todd hates it.
Part of me wants to block Susan from my Facebook so she can’t see my posts anymore. Another part of me wants to go back to posting like I used to when I was in college and fill Susan’s feed with my ‘perfect marriage’. But I think that’s too far. I think Susan needs therapy and marriage counseling.
At the moment, I’ve done nothing and we’re waiting to see if Todd calls again about the Facebook post. If he does, my husband wants us to go with Option B and start petty-posting every day. So, yeah, that’s the stupid drama in my life. Thank you for letting me vent. Good day to all of you.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
I love the way your husband thinks😂😂. You married a good one, I wish you both the best!
A_Specific_Hippo (OP)
Thank you! He is a delight to have in my corner! I hit the jackpot with him. I mean, sometimes I do want to throttle the guy because he'll do something SUPER DUMB but usually he's perfect!
May you and your Husband roll all the nat 20s you’ll ever want and to roll as few nat 1s as possible.
Good. God. Sincerely. SINCERELY! From the very bottom of my heart I cannot imagine being a grown AF adult with my job and my Husband and son and my bills to pay and responsibilities (even if I didn’t have any of these things) being so hateful to a couple who don’t do anything that impacts me. The woman is in her 30s. She needs help. She needs a therapist. That’s not normal. That’s not how adults behave.
And yes op, do petty post. Just for a week or so.
A_Specific_Hippo (OP)
I'm very tempted to. Husband thinks we shouldn't as it'll be "poking the bear" but he's also the one sharpening the pokey-stick by suggesting we go to a farmers market this weekend and take "lots of photos for your mother to see". I only share photos with my mom via facebook. I think he feels betrayed and vengeful.
This has a lot of the how dare you be happy because I'm miserable vibes. The entitlement on "Susan" can also be seen from space just like that engagement ring. You do you, if she wants to be salty about your happy life let her.