"AITA for remembering and mentioning a gift was from me?"
My (29F) friend Jen (30F) and I have been friends since childhood. We have always been very different in every way, our lifestyles, tastes, the way we think and deal with things, and I find it hard to relate to her.
But as we shared such a close childhood and into our teens together our friendship bond remained in a way like sisters who you might not necessarily share much in common with but have a bond from growing up together.
Jen had a baby a couple of years ago and I gave her gifts and flowers. I took photos of the day I visited of ourselves with the baby and the gifts and sent them to her so she’d have the memories especially as she wasn’t able to take any photos herself. All very normal and standard things we always do with photos if one person has taken them.
This week Jen posted a photo on her Instagram and I recognised it as the flowers I gave her back then. It was definitely my flowers as they were distinctive and I don’t give big bunches like that often and none of my other friends have had babies, and it was definitely the actual photo I took as I recognised it and literally have the same photo in my camera roll.
I made a comment saying “Aww memories, the flowers I got you guys when baby was born ❤️ Glad you liked them” to simply acknowledge the photo and reminisce about that moment in life.
Jen private messaged me specially to say “Is it? It’s my flowers."
I figured she doesn’t remember which is totally fine, you don’t remember everything everyone gave you and just said “Yes I remember getting them!” Later Jen briefly called about something else and then brought up the photo and said the same thing as above and I said yes I remember as I took that photo and she said “It’s not, it’s my photo”
I explained they were photos I took and then sent her which is why she has them on her phone. The conversation got really awkward and she didn’t seem convinced or believe me at all and she seemed quiet and almost upset? And then said in an annoyed sarcastic laugh:
“I can’t believe you remember everything like that. Even what flowers you got me?” as if I was holding it against her or something. We had to wrap up the call but it felt so awful after.
I felt really surprised and hurt as I wasn’t trying to remember anything to remind her, but I can’t help that I do remember? Is it unusual to remember? And my comment was just meant to be a sweet one to acknowledge something she put up herself and reminisce as I assumed she was.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
onithshaanambra wrote:
People who have a worse memory are often weirded out by people who have a better memory. They don't remember x, so they think you must be obsessing about x if you do remember it.
OP responded:
I can understand that, but memories are like that, we don’t remember some things others do, and they don’t remember some things you do. I find that quite normal. Some things stick in your mind for you, like I don’t remember most of the gifts I’ve given in my life and never thought about this one either.
But when the photo came up I remembered it as it was the only baby gift I’ve had to get for a friend and was memorable to me. Either way, I didn’t bring it up which would be weird, just acknowledged the photo she put up.
peachpeachfuzz wrote:
NTA. She seems like she is being weirdly hostile about flowers tbh. If you’ve been friends since childhood I would just ask her what’s up especially if it’s out of character. Maybe there is more going on or she is annoyed about something else but it just seems odd.
OP responded:
I did ask her within that phone conversation when she acted clearly annoyed with me by the end and she just reiterated the last line as if I’m problematic for remembering and acting like she finds it laughable and stressing her out. I had no idea what was going on and it just felt like I had to drop it.
IHaveBoxerDogs wrote:
The way you wrote it "the flowers I got..." reads like you received them. Not "ah, the flowers I bought for you..." She may have thought you were saying she was sharing a photo of flowers that belonged to you, not her.
And then, like too many people, when she realized she'd misunderstood, she just decided to double down instead of admitting it. NTA. I think it was a misunderstanding, and your friend made it weird.
OP responded:
I just checked what I actually wrote to see if it was worded ambiguously as I was probably not quoting it word for word when writing my OP and I wrote “Aww memories, the flowers I got you guys when baby was born ❤️ Glad you liked them."
But yes as I said in OP I do understand if she misunderstood or forgot, certainly don’t expect anyone to remember everything they’re gifted, neither do I of everything I give or receive myself. Sometimes some things stick in your mind more and my first friend’s baby and shopping for this bouquet was special and memorable to me I guess.
I figured after clarifying on the phone she’d just say “Omg was it, I didn’t even realise!” and that would be it. But instead she seemed to get actually annoyed and defiant only at the end when it was clarified instead, which really confused me. Maybe she remembered the flowers as being from someone else and I shattered that false memory for her?
FearlessProblem6881 wrote:
That’s a weird interaction overall. Of course it’s her flowers, you bought them for her, but did she think it was from someone else??
OP responded:
Yes I’m actually convinced now that she thought they were from her husband and I’ve ruined that memory for her which is why she got indignant and upset with me. I was surprised she posted them on her feed as she normally only posts very rarely and things that very significant and personal, so I wouldn’t expect her to post flowers from me.