Man plans to sue biodad after learning he raised his son for 18 years. AITA?
"AITA for removing my wife’s child out of my will because I discovered he is not mine?"
External-Reindeer918
I’ve been married for 15 years with my wife and our son is 18yo. I think I was a good father to him, always present, always supporting him, I was the first he talked to when he had a bullying problem, a math problem, when he needed romantic advice. He is straight but likes dressing up and doing makeup, and I was the first one to support him on that too, while his mom was trying to make him more “masculine”.
However, recently I discovered that he is not actually my child. My MIL said he had to tell me something important, so I went to meet her and told me that my child is actually my wife’s high school boyfriend baby.
She gave birth at 20 but apparently she was cheating on me with her old boyfriend. My MIL said my wife told her the truth after he was born because she had suspected that the baby didn’t exactly look like me and MIL confronted her about it, but the baby was already born and nothing could be done.
I was mad and asked her why is she telling me this right not? She told me it’s because she saw my son hanging out with his biodad at a park and believes that he is back in their lives.
I decided not to shoot the messenger and went out to confront my wife and son about this, after a long argument they told the truth. The biodad was back and wanted to meet his real son.
A lot of horrible things happened and I’m divorcing, and also cutting my wife’s son out of my will, because, I never had a real son and all this time I was putting all my energy and effort raising another man’s child. I’m also consulting if is possible to sue the biodad for all the money I’ve spent raising his bio son thought out the years.
My wife is obviously mad at me, but my (step?) son is just devastated, I can see him depressed, not talking to me, and constantly apologizing. My plan was to divorce and cut contact with them right after that, but now I’m wondering if I’m going too far by punishing him too.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Give-Me-Wine55
Pretty convenient for bio dad to come into the picture when his financial duties would be over...
The OP responded here:
External-Reindeer918
Yes. Im sure it was no accident.
thatactorjoe
NTA to divorce her, she sucks, but treating your son like he hasn't been your son for the last 18 years? What the fuck? He didn't choose you anymore than you chose him; he clearly loves you and sees you as his father. Imagine yourself in his shoes.
LadyBug_0570
The only reason I can see OP's hurt from the son is that apparently he did recently find out, kept that information from OP and was meeting with his bio dad. That's problemmatic. But I think with some conversations between OP and son, it can be resolved.
hilltopper06
Absolutely. I understand the son wanting to meet bio-dad, but keeping the man who actually raised him in the dark is a low blow.
BurgerThyme
I mean, the kid was kind of in between a rock and a hard place. He was put in the position where he could blow his parents' marriage apart through no fault of his own by telling on his mother and obviously he had questions about his biological father. He must be so mixed up with his feelings right now. I'm not seeing any malicious intent from him.
seriousbigshadows
But it might have seemed to the kid to be the mother's job/role to tell her husband about their kid's dad. He might have been under pressure from the mother to keep the secret, or to not tell him right away, or whatever other possible scenario. That's a lot for a kid-just-turned-adult to cope with - I'm not sure how I would navigate it.
Doble_C13
NTA OP, hope you sue them all for paternity fraud, parental alienation and get an annulment from the marriage cause I’m guessing you married bc of the then baby. And usually I’ll say to cut some slack to the kid but he knew for months if he had an inkling of love and/or respect for you, he’d have told you himself.
Baruu
ESH, except your son. Your son didn't betray you. Short of some cartoon villain plot, he just found out you aren't his biodad. Your MIL betrayed you, your wife betrayed you and likely the Biodad betrayed you, but your son didn't.
For 18 years you thought he was your flesh and blood and loved him as your son. Same for you as his dad. The only thing that changed is that your wife is trash. 100% divorce her, cut MIL and wife out of your life. I doubt you get any money from the Biodad, but lambast him to your community if he knew.
But your son didn't do anything wrong. Burning your relationship to the ground is just your pain lashing out. And I bet you'll regret it down the line. Your son can't help that his mom, Biodad and grandma are trash. But he also didn't ask to be born or choose his bio parents.
Context becomes important and he is old enough to lay in the bed he makes. If he wants to pull some "you're not my real dad" crap, he's 18 and an adult. But imagine if you found out you had a sibling you never knew of.
Maybe a parent was unfaithful or they just gave the kid up for adoption. Would you think it's okay for your parents to demand you never meet your sibling? NTA for divorcing the wife, but YTA if you also blame your son for the sins of his mother.