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'AITA for refusing to rename my cat even though she has the same name as my GF?' UPDATED

'AITA for refusing to rename my cat even though she has the same name as my GF?' UPDATED

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"AITA for refusing to rename my cat?"

I (26f) just started dating this woman named Jade (28f). Things have been going pretty great so far and I really like her. However, we just had our first disagreement, and now I am wondering if I am the asshole because she blames me for the argument.

The argument is over the fact that my cat is also named Jade. She is five and I have had her since she was a kitten. I named her Jade because her eyes resemble the color and stone, and I am very into earthy things and crystals.

Well, when I first told Jade (human) about my cat and her having the same name, she chuckled and didn't make a deal about it at all. It was only recently when she was over and I was cuddling my cat that she asked me to rename her because she didn't like that I had a cat with the same name as her.

I thought she was joking and laughed, saying, "no way! it's been her name for as long as I've had her and I don't want to change it." She got upset and said that I'm basically choosing a cat over a person and that the cat doesn't care what her name is.

But once I realized she was serious, I said that I won't make a decision like that on such a fresh relationship, and that having two jades in my life just makes the name even more special. She got quiet and we moved on from the subject, but she left soon after and has acted distant since.

I'm not sure if the relationship will work out if she can't handle my cat having the same name as her, but now I am wondering if it's going to be because I won't change the cats name. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

said:

NTA You should call the girl "Human Jade" from now on.

said:

"I'm really glad you brought that up. Jade was wondering if you could change your name instead. After all, she was here first."

said:

Tell her you’re not going to rename your cat every time you get a new gf.

said:

Never rename (or rehome) a cherished pet to appease a potential partner. NTA. Human Jade is weird to be upset about this.

said:

NTA. Human Jade is ridiculous & weird she’s competing with a cat to be the only Jade in your life. Sounds controlling & weird thing to get worked up about.

And said:

You just started dating and she’s already revealed how fucking crazy she is; consider that a blessing! Also, cats absolutely do care about their names, in as much as they recognize it and know when you are speaking to them!

Completely out of line and reveals a poor attitude towards pets; I find that an important incompatibility. Do the girlfriend a favor and break up; if she can’t handle the cat, she’s not worth the trouble.

She later shared this update:

First of all, I did not expect so many replies! Thank you everyone for the support. However, things have gotten weird since my initial post. I decided to have a conversation with Jade that I intended on being our last (breaking up). However, it did not go as I thought it would at all.

Some extra backstory that is now relevant: I was mutual friends with Jade from a larger friend group for a few years prior to this. Within the time we've known each other, some of my past has been brought up (trigger warning for abuse and abandonment and self-harm). In short, I was abandoned in public within a week of being born and was adopted by people who abused me.

I haven't spoken to them since I was 18 and they have since been incarcerated for the abuse. I don't keep this a secret from people who know me, as I missed out on a lot of childhood and adolescence that has impacted my emergence into adulthood, so I explain where I've come from to lessen the abnormalities I may exhibit when I am comfortable.

I also use dark humor to cope, so I am overall just open about where I've come from. I met this friend group in college seven years ago, when I was at my lowest point (suicidal and an alcoholic). I have since discovered what it means to be sober, healthy, happy, and loved.

This is relevant because our conversation did not go well, and Jade's follow up to it has been to attack my past as a part of her "revenge(?)" against me for "choosing a cat over her." so for those of you who were warning me, you were right. After some consideration, I realized she has been controlling me more than I thought in the past six months of us dating.

It would be anything from how I ate to how often I spoke to my friends, but I was blind to it because I had a crush on her for a few months before we dated and was grateful that things were finally going my way.

Well, I sat down with her and told her that I noticed that was a pattern and that asking me to rename my cat was unreasonable. I said, "I think we were better off as friends, and since we will still be around each other, I intend on being civil with you and hope you feel the same." She agreed-in that conversation-but has since done everything she can to not be civil.

For starters, she made an Instagram post about how great it felt to be" wanted by her parents" and how "at least my parents want me too." then, she posted about people having a victim mentality and excusing behavior, LIKE BEING AN ALCOHOLIC, with "trauma" (and yes, she put it in quotes).

So I slid up and said that it felt targeted and asked if I should take it that way since everything was so specific. She sent a smile emoji, screenshot it, and posted my message to her story with laughing emojis. I blocked her, because I have done so much reflecting, growing, and learning from my past that I am not going to tolerate that treatment, and don't believe it is a fair judgment of me.

My friend group doesn't either, but told me that she has been messaging all of them lying that I said terrible things about them while we were dating, trying to discourage them from staying in my life. Obviously, they have brains and hearts and knew I'd never say anything like that (tbh I'm overly honest to a fault sometimes) and have decided to unfriend her.

This is still all happening, so if there are any more updates, I'll let you all know. But for those of you saying she's immature and such, you were right, and I'm thankful for all of your kind and funny responses.

Sources: Reddit
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