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'AITA for replacing my MOH in my wedding because she refused to buy her dress?'

'AITA for replacing my MOH in my wedding because she refused to buy her dress?'


"AITA for replacing my MOH in my wedding because she refused to buy her dress?"


I’m getting married in Sept and all of my bridesmaids and I went dress shopping a couple months ago. For some context we’re all in our mid 20s, employed, with no children, my wedding is out of town for my MOH and a couple other bridesmaids, but I’m getting a hotel room for all out of town bridesmaids for the wedding.

I’ve known my MOH since 5th grade and we were best friends all through school. I moved away for college and we drifted apart, but I’d see her every time I came home.

The dress shopping trip was out of town so I paid for the 2 hotel rooms while we were there and I drove, my mom brought my MOH and a couple other bridesmaids a since they still live in my hometown.

For the dresses my only requirement for them were that they had to be a specific blue color and no satin material. We spent the whole afternoon trying on dresses and everyone found one they liked, including my MOH. I’ve been told she picked out a $350 dress when most of my other bridesmaids had dresses in the $100-$150 range.

The next day was spent relaxing at the pool where my MOH began complaining to one of my other bridesmaids about having to pay for her dress. Saying it was my wedding, and if I wanted a specific dress for them to wear I should pay for it.

She said that I didn’t pay for the bridesmaid dress when I was in her wedding (she got married at 18 and we wore old prom dresses we already had). My bridesmaid told her I was being pretty reasonable with my request and that she can get any dress she wanted in her budget. MOH disagreed and the bridesmaid shrugged her off, but told me about it later.

A month later my MOH called me and asked for me to buy her dress for her. I told her it wouldn’t be fair if I bought her dress and no one else’s and I couldn’t afford to buy everyone’s dress.

She said she is the MOH and that everyone would understand it was a privilege she got. I disagreed and our argument got a little heated. It ended with me saying if she could not get the dress, she couldn’t be in the wedding and I wasn’t budging on this. She hung up on me.

Her mom has since called me saying I’m being very rude for not doing this one thing for her so she can be there on my big day and that I don’t understand what it’s like to not have money for things. I told her I have struggled before too and understand, but said I’m not paying for the dress because it won’t be fair to all of the other bridesmaids.

I’ve since made one of my other bridesmaids that has helped with all of the planning my MOH and I’ve told my ex-MOH she is still invited and sent her an invitation, but some family is telling me I should have just paid for the dress.

I know ex-MOH is tight on money, but she’s known she was going to be in my wedding for nearly two years at this point so I thought she would set aside money for it. AITA for not paying for her dress?

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:


NTA. It would not be fair to the other bridesmaids if you paid for her dress and not theirs. The most egregious part is the fact that all of your bridesmaids were given your criteria for the dresses and she picked out a $350 dress while the other bridesmaids picked out dresses in the $100- $150 range. Then she wants you to pay for the $350 dress!

If she truly wanted to be in your wedding, she would have save $100-$150 over a two year period. Clearly, her desire was to score an expensive dress that she did not have to pay for. As to her mother's comment, it sounds like you are welcoming her to be there for your big day - just not as a bridesmaid who won't pay for her dress.


Heck, she could have hit the mall after the prom season to find a good enough dress for less than $100.


Or hit a couple thrift stores and find an old bridesmaid dress in the right color for $10-20 + do some alterations if necessary or hire someone to do them for $50. If the only requirement is formal + color, people can make it happen for pretty darn cheap.


Yeah, if she had picked a cheaper dress (more in line with the other bridesmaids) I would have been inclined to say offer to split the cost and help her with it. But if she was short on cash, then getting her heart set on the most expensive dress in the group has a smell to it.

I have been broke during a lot of important events in my family - I understand not thrifting or finding another dress ahead of time, because I have gotten burned by finding out too late that the outfit I bought on my own was not acceptable and I wasted money.

But I start the "hey can I get some info on what I need to know to buy a dress?" and "hey I might need to borrow $50, can you spot me" conversations before the shopping starts. I sure don't even try on the dresses more expensive than everyone elses by even $100 nevermind $200! NTA she is asking for special treatment on too large a scale.


NTA. Sometimes brides pay for bridesmaids' dresses. Sometimes they don't. MOH knew you weren't and picked a dress at least twice as expensive as everyone else's, then whined that it was too expensive.


NTA-It’s common to buy your own MOH/bridesmaid dress so if she can’t afford to be in the wedding (understandable if money is an issue), it’s quite alright to replace her.

In my opinion, it was rude of her to complain about the dress to others when that was something she could have brought up to you one-on-one which makes me wonder if she is really struggling with money or simply didn’t want to buy the dress. Either way, you made the right decision.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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