'AITA for reporting my boss to HR after discovering her secret side hustle?'

"AITA for reporting my boss to HR after discovering her secret side hustle involving my husband?"

I’ve been struggling with this for weeks now, and I’m hoping for some clarity. My life has gone completely off the rails, and I can’t figure out if I’m the villain in this situation or just someone trying to set things right.

I (28F) have been married to my husband, James (31M), for three years. He’s always been supportive, and we’ve had a pretty solid relationship—or so I thought. I work as a marketing analyst at a tech company, and my boss, Claire (35F), is someone I’ve always admired professionally.

She’s sharp, ambitious, and highly respected in our field, though she can be intimidating and aloof. Despite her somewhat cold demeanor, Claire started showing more interest in me a few months ago, asking questions about my personal life. At first, it was small talk—questions about my relationship with James, our plans for the future, even general stuff about managing stress in marriage.

I didn’t think much of it until she started making odd comments, like how “lucky” I was to have someone like James and how she wished she had a similar dynamic in her life.

Once, during a team meeting, she joked, “You never really know what someone’s hiding behind the perfect marriage,” which seemed out of the blue. I brushed it off, assuming she was being her usual cryptic self, but looking back, it feels more sinister.

Two weeks ago, everything unraveled. My company hosted a retreat at a nearby resort. It was mandatory, but Claire didn’t attend the first day, claiming she was sick. That evening, a coworker casually mentioned she’d seen Claire at a high-end restaurant in the city, very much not sick, and with a man who wasn’t her usual crowd.

This alone wouldn’t have concerned me, except my coworker snapped a quick picture from across the room, and the man in the photo looked disturbingly like James.

I stared at the photo for what felt like hours, my stomach in knots. The lighting was bad, and it wasn’t entirely clear, but the resemblance was undeniable. Still, I told myself it couldn’t be him.

When I got home after the retreat, I casually asked James about his weekend. He said he’d been home working on some freelance projects. He even showed me the edits he was working on, which made me feel crazy for doubting him.

But something wasn’t sitting right. That night, I did something I’m not proud of: I went through his phone. I wish I hadn’t, because what I found completely shattered me. James had been messaging Claire for months. The texts weren’t romantic, but they were intimate in their own way, filled with inside jokes and plans for “shoots.”

At first, I couldn’t make sense of it. Then I found messages referencing specific locations, props, and even payments. The truth hit me like a truck: Claire runs an OnlyFans account, and James was helping her manage it.

Claire’s niche is the “dominant boss” fantasy, and James was heavily involved—scheduling her photo shoots, handling her social media, and managing her subscribers. Some of the content had even been filmed in our office after hours. I felt humiliated. My husband, who claimed to be working late or freelancing, was helping my boss build an adult entertainment empire behind my back.

When I confronted James, he admitted everything but insisted it “wasn’t a big deal” because it wasn’t physical. He claimed Claire approached him months ago, knowing about his background in photography and video editing, and offered him a cut of her profits. He argued it was a smart financial move for us since we were saving for a house, and he thought I’d “overreact” if he told me.

I was furious and decided to report Claire to HR. This wasn’t just about the betrayal; Claire had crossed major professional boundaries by involving my husband and using company property to create explicit content. HR took the situation seriously, launching an investigation. Within a week, Claire was put on unpaid leave, and word began spreading around the office.

That’s when the backlash started. Some of my coworkers think I overreacted. They argue that Claire’s OnlyFans was her personal business and that I should’ve handled it privately instead of “ruining her career.”

James is livid too. He says I’ve destroyed a good opportunity for him and Claire, who he claims was “doing nothing wrong.” Claire even sent me an email before HR locked her out of her accounts, accusing me of being jealous and vindictive.

Right now, I’m staying with a friend while I figure out my next steps. James keeps begging me to come home, insisting he’ll cut ties with Claire and stop working on her account. He swears he only did this to “help us” and never thought it would blow up like this.

I can’t stop second-guessing myself. Did I overreact by going to HR? Should I have confronted Claire directly? Was it wrong to snoop through James’s phone in the first place? And am I really the bad guy for blowing up their little operation when I could’ve just walked away quietly?

For now, I’ve told HR I’m open to a transfer to another department because I can’t imagine continuing to work here with everyone gossiping. I’m also seriously considering divorce, but part of me wonders if I’m being too rash. I feel like my entire life has been turned upside down, and I don’t know what to do. So, AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Stephen_Noel said:

If it wasn't a big deal, he would have told you. NTA.

Turmeric_Ping said:

NTA. If HR thought you had overreacted, they would have said so. The usual thing is for HR to back the manager and fire/drive out the subordinate, which was where I thought this was going. The fact that this may destroy her career proves that other people than you see it as a big problem.

I suspect that you'll want to change employer in the near term though, but at least at a time of your choosing. And I'm quite sure you should lose the husband: he lies much too readily.

RightsOfFathera said:

NTA. You think take pictures and videos are all they have done? Your boss saw something she wanted and took it, and she doesn’t sound like the person who would take no as an answer if things were to turn intimate. She’s been plotting this and specifically against you.

cutteteenbaby said:

You did the right thing. Your husband was out of line, and your boss? Total creep. She crossed professional lines and used her position to manipulate the situation. You had every right to report that mess. If anything, you’re just protecting yourself and your boundaries. Don’t let anyone guilt-trip you. What they were doing wasn’t okay, and you’re not in the wrong for wanting to stand up for yourself.

Heavy-Quail-7295 said:

NTA. If it wasn't a big deal, he wouldn't have been hiding it...and her jabs at you make her an even worse person. Their agreement was out of line, your husband is full of it. They literally went on a date that first day she missed the work event.

PipcosRevenge said:

NTA. Your husband lied to you again and again. Not worthy of keeping him in the picture ever again. I'd lawyer up this week and even investigate going after your employer if you feel that they are not making diligent efforts to protect you from retribution from coworkers.