'AITA for reporting my ex and her husband to the police for stealing my property?'
"AITA for reporting my ex and her husband to the police for stealing my property?"
My ex-wife (39f) and I (41m) share custody of our three children (16, 14 and 12) equally and no child support is paid. Our marriage didn't end on the best of terms and we communicate through an app only when required to for the sake of the kids. She has since remarried and has a 15 year old stepchild and a 13 year old stepchild. Her husband and I do not speak also.
We've had some issues with my ex keeping property that is mine if the kids have it on her time. It started with a cell phone. I gave our eldest my old phone when one of ex's stepkids broke his phone.
My ex then told our oldest they were keeping it at her house and she refused to return it even when I went over there and asked. I was told she had every right to confiscate it. I followed up with an email and she told me to get over it and she would not hand it over.
The next time our daughter (14) brought some of my tools into school with her for an assignment but it was a custody exchange day so she left my house but went home to her mom's. My ex believed it wasn't appropriate for her to have them so she took them and refused to return them to me. Again I got a written exchange as proof.
This last time was with our youngest. I let him use an old iPod for a class assignment on recent old tech gadgets. Apparently her 13 year old stepchild had the same assignment on a different day and she decided both should get to use it. I told her it was my property and she had to return it, got another email exchange and then I contacted the police.
My ex gave the stuff back but she lost her mind over me getting the police involved for petty stuff. She said I could have demanded it back after her step kid used the iPod and I told her she wasn't giving any of it back and what I give for my kids is not for her step kids.
She brought up how more serious trouble could have come from it and I told her it would be deserved because you cannot steal someone else's property. She told me it was just my spiteful side emerging because none of it was a big deal or I never would have given them to my kids, which I think is the dumbest argument.
The phone was because her step kids broke our eldest's phone and she wasn't about to replace it, our daughter needed tools for school and it was only for school and she wanted to return them to me but her mom said no and then the iPod was just for our youngest.
I'm not here to help her step kids in any way. My ex and her husband and their mom if she's still in the picture can do that.
AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. Next time she will think twice about stealing your property.
Paulozoo (OP)
Well we can hope she does. But at least she's warned if she tries something like this again.
NTA! that phone incident makes me wonder how often her hatred for you is directed towards your kids. talk to your kids, make sure she isn't treating them badly!
Paulozoo (OP)
Their complaint is she allows unfair things to happen to them and there's nothing they can do about it. Like the phone being broken by the steps and they've ruined other stuff too. Ex just expects them to deal which has fractured her relationship with our kids a lot.
Go back to court about custody. I can’t imagine a judge allowing the kids to be treated this way. Y W B T A if you don’t talk to a judge about this.
Paulozoo (OP)
A judge has let her away with this. We were back in court 6 months ago over similar-ish issues. Not with the stealing but the issues with what our kids were expected to tolerate over there and the judge insisted custody remain the same.
She sounds insufferable. NTA and congratulations on not being married to her.
NTA, but to prevent future issues tell your kids not to take anything else over to their mother's house anymore unless absolutely needed, and then to bring it home afterwards.
Paulozoo (OP)
The problem is when an item is needed for school on a custody exchange day. That's how most of this happened with the exception of the phone. But trust me there won't be another phone incident. She can just explain why the step kids get to break their stuff and it doesn't get replaced.
NTA I find it rich she said it was your spiteful side that made you call the police, but yet doesn’t recognize she started this whole thing by being spiteful and stealing your property. Honestly I would tell her “Take this as a lesson learned. I am not here to play games. I am here to co-parent with the children we share. I am not responsible for your Step kids.
Any further escalation on your part and I will take you back to court to adjust our custody agreement and let the judge know you have been stealing our children’s belongings and giving them to your Stepkids and making a toxic coparenting relationship.”
Had the same issue. She is under the mistaken belief that the kids default as moms property and she has absolute rule over anything regarding them, even after a judge says different.
She also was working with one of the secretaries at the school to violate (FERPA) Family Rights and Privacy Act, restricting my ability to visit him at school, having access to his records particularly his attendance, and other stunts that really pissed the judge off. This isn't a petty issue, it's her testing the water to see how far her BS can float.