"AITA for reporting my fiancé missing after he disappeared for 7 hours?"
My (30F) fiancé (33M) went out on Saturday night to the store for a couple things he needed (I.e. deodorant) around 10pm while I stayed home with our kid (2F). He told me he was making a quick run to the store and would be right back.
He borrowed my car and left and I thought nothing of it. Fast forward to midnight and he’s still not back. I sent him texts and called but he didn’t answer. At 1am I got really worried and called my mom to come help me search for him while I had my sister look after our kid.
My mom and I drove around for hours searching the parking lots of the stores, the gym and the downtown bars then I called 3 local hospitals to see if he had been admitted then called the police to see if he’d been arrested but we couldn’t find him anywhere.
At this point I’m really starting to freak out because it seems like he’s just disappeared, it’s dark out and what if he got into an accident and no one saw or has found his car yet? I keep trying to message him but still got no response.
Around 3am I end up going back home and talked it over with my mom, this is when I decide to call the police and report him as a missing person. You don’t actually have to wait 24 hours like the tv would lead you to believe.
Around 5am the cops come to the house and I tell them what’s going on, they do a search of the house just to make sure everything’s good here and as they finish searching, my fiancé pulls up. At this point I’m relieved he is safe, but also annoyed that he is seemingly fine and has just ignored me for the last 7 hours.
He tells the cops that while he was buying deodorant he ran into some friends then decided to go to the bar and watch the game with them, then went back to their place and hang out and he didn’t realize how late it got because his phone died so he didn’t know anyone was trying to contact him.
The cops left and didn’t end up filing anything since he wasn’t missing anymore. I don’t understand how he couldn’t send a text before he went to the bar telling me he’d be out for a while and not to wait up?
Like did his phone die the instant they asked him to go to the bar? Did they not have a charger at their house he could have used to charge his phone and send me a text?
He was annoyed that I called the cops and said I was overreacting and he didn’t have to let me know his whereabouts 24/7. Which is true, but I still feel annoyed that I spent all night worrying and neither me, my mom or my sister got much sleep.
I was kind of upset with him all day but mostly tired, this isn’t the first time he’s changed up his schedule to where it affected me without telling me so I should have known not to react that extreme. I just don’t know anymore if I overracted and if I should apologize and accept the fact that I can’t control everything. So, AITA for reporting him as a missing person?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Meta2048 said:
NTA. If he wasn't cheating on you, he was certainly doing something that you wouldn't approve of. Lying and gaslighting is not a particularly good sign in a future partner.
You live together, have a kid, and he took your car. Barring a major accident, it is completely unacceptable for him to disappear without a word. What if you or your kid had an emergency? Would he be okay stranding you like that? It sounds like he would be.
MaeSilver909 said:
NTA. Seriously doubt he met some friends buying deodorant @10pm & left to watch a game. Like what game is on at 10pm? He’s cheating.
petallist said:
NTA and he was cheating. Do not marry this man.
Ok-Pilot3944 said:
He knew what he was doing when he left. Who goes to the store for deodorant that late at night?
revengeofthebiscuit said:
NTA. He’s lying about something major.
sparkypants_ said:
NTA - who needs deodorant at 10pm? Nobody. Weak excuse and even weaker explanation for his subsequent behavior. Do not marry this man.