'AITA for respecting my BF's wishes not to dig into his father, despite my friend's insisting?'
"AITA for respecting my boyfriend's wishes not to dig into his parenthood when he asked, despite my friend's insisting?"
So a quick intro. I (25f) used to be best friends with -Let's call her Maggie (also 25f), since primary school. When we went to middle high school we met another friend - let's call her Ivy. Both Maggie and Ivy come from a bit of a "bad" houses so they bonded real well.
I couldn't get along with Ivy as well as Maggie did, because she had moments when she acted really toxic. But we stayed on friendly ground for Maggie's sake. One time we all met along with Ivy's boyfriend who brought one of his closest cousin - my now boyfriend. That's how we met and got together.
We've been together for almost 8 years now. During that time me and Maggie grew apart, due to lockdown, distance and Maggie's anger issues after drinking - the "official" fallout was when she nearly broke a wine glass on my BF head because he "had the nerve to mention he talked with his high school female friend in the park earlier that day, while I was standing nearby and could hear him" after she got drunk.
The fallout was nasty but we made up, although the friendship was never the same again, obviously. After some years in college we decided to meet up. We got some drinks and she confessed that Ivy's boyfriend told her that my boyfriend's dad is not his biological dad and all their family know who is.
I got concerned because I'd want someone to tell me if that was my father. So I went home and the next morning I told my boyfriend about it. He looked at me and said "I've only ever had one dad my entire life, I don't care if it's biogical or not - he's my father" (for context - his mom left them when he was about 3, so he was raised by his dad, older sisters and grandma).
I respected his choice and didn't dig further Some time later I once again met with Maggie and she asked if I told my bf about it. I admitted that yes, I have but I respected his wishes to drop the topic. She got kind of frustrated and told me I should look for the real dad myself then.
I got a bit annoyed and told her I'm not going to cross my boyfriend's boundaries and I'm not going to go against his wishes. She got visibly angry but decided to change the topic. I realized the atmosphere got a bit uncomfortable so I decided to end the meeting earlier. I believe I did the right thing but seeing how angry she suddenly became I started wondering - AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
partlypartisan wrote:
NTA - But why are you entertaining this person in your life? Cut them out. They will do nothing but continue to bring drama.
OP responded:
Honestly, that's what I intend to do.
linseymz wrote:
Sounds a whole lot like your bf already knows or had guessed / figured it out. You were right to drop it and respect his wishes, and I also think it was right to tell him what you knew. As for Maggie, I think I'd be tempted to leave that friendship in the past where it belongs and move on with life. Giant NTA.
Huntress145 wrote:
NTA. But this is neither of your business. Your bf is the only one who has the right to decide about what they want to do. He already made his decision, so who cares what Maggie thinks or gets angry about it. Why would you even care what she thinks about this, since this doesn’t affect her at all? Why are you still friends with her?
OP responded:
That's what I thought, but her reaction got me so confused.
And I think we're not friends anymore. After that incident we stayed on neutral ground. Spoke only once to wish each other happy birthday, since then we basically have no contact anymore.
https_ej wrote:
NTA. I’m still on the part where you are still talking to her after nearly broke a wine glass on your boyfriend’s head. Clearly this girl has some sort of animosity towards your boyfriend and it’s a little weird that you’re continuing to let her in your life after she’s shown this behavior. Protect your peace by stop being her friend.
fit-refuse-1447 wrote:
NTA.
Has Maggie explained why you and your BF should be interested about the genetic father? If it's just idle curiosity, let it drop. If she has a solid reason to suspect that, say, he's actually related to you or her, it'd be a whole different a story.
Trevena_ice wrote:
NTA. You did the absolutely right thing. For your bf his dad is his dad and not some anonymous sperm donor maybe. Your friend Maggie has absolutely nothing to say here. This is not her topic, not her problem - she is just nosy and hoped that you would give her new gossip not carying what anyone else including you and your bf wants.
OkManufacturer767 wrote:
NTA. Respecting his wishes is the right thing.
It's okay to not be friends with toxic people. Just because you became friends early in life is no reason to keep them as friends when they act like she has.