Restaurant owner kicks child with autism out, 'CONTROL YOUR KID OR I WILL.' AITA?

"AITA for kicking an autistic child out of my restaurant for misbehaving?

My Name is Gina,(55F) from upstate New York, and I run a family owned pizzeria. My husband and I have been in the service industry for decades and over the past few years, We've noticed a huge increase in rude customers, rude children and a crazy level of entitlement.

One of the rules we have in our restaurant is that nobody is allowed to talk on speaker phone, play music out loud, or have anything playing on speaker from a personal device. This is such a simple request and something that has always been the standard.

This was not even an issue or something that needed to be said before the pandemic. But now it seems parents feel attacked if their children cannot watch Bluey on volume. We have signs up asking people not to do this and we actually do enforce this rule (politely but firmly).

A few weeks ago, a woman was sitting with her 9 year old son who was watching cartoons on his tablet at full volume, while also scrolling TikTok on a phone. I nicely explained to the woman that we do not allow this, as it is disruptive to other customers and asked her to please turn off the volume.

The woman rudely replied that her son has both ADHD and autism so he needs to do this in order to sit down without making a fuss. I asked if she could please use headphones and she snapped that her son does not like to use them. I told her that this is not acceptable and to please either use headphones or set his devices to silent.

About 10 minutes later, I was in the kitchen and heard loud banging noises coming from the dining room. I came out to find the child furiously banging his fists on the table while the mom just sat there ignoring it. It was almost as if he was waiting for her to say something but she did nothing.

I asked her to please stop him and she replied that he is on the spectrum and this is just his "normal behavior" if he doesn't have a device to calm him down. The boy then stood up and started running around my restaurant, punching and kicking the other tables and chairs, and knocking things over.

Another customer yelled at the mom to "CONTROL YOUR KID OR I WILL!" She launched into a what sounded like a pre rehearsed monologue about how autistic children deserve to occupy the same spaces as everyone else. I agree with this, but everyone still needs to behave appropriately.

I told the woman that if she could not get her son's behavior under control that she needs to leave. She was furious and stared yelling about how it is illegal to discriminate against people who are on the spectrum and that she would report me.

My husband came out, put her food into a togo box and just said to her "get out right now!" She looked genuinely shocked and said that kids should not be expected to just sit quietly and that the world needs to be more accepting of those who are different.

I love kids, my husband and I raised 5 of them, even one with special needs. But autism or not, nothing gives you the right to behave this way in any setting. If your child's issues are so severe that simply sitting in a restaurant without a device makes them freak out and throw a tantrum, then maybe reconsider taking them there in the first place.

I'm tired of rude kids and lazy parents who embolden them to behave this way, refusing to discipline them or set any kind of rules or boundaries. This is not about ADHD, autism, or any other condition. This is about entitlement, bad parenting and bad behavior as a result. Am I the ahole?

Here's what people had to say about this one:

Pinepark said:

I have an autistic son. When he was younger (4/5ish) he was AWFUL in restaurants. So guess what we did? We didn’t go out to eat. Some autism people will say I deprived him of experiences but I see it as I avoided triggers. Guess what? He is a well behaved 24 year old who wasn’t traumatized because he didn’t get to go out to eat for a few years. We were ALL much happier.

Egoy said:

You know who else would hate someone behaving like that in a public space they expected to be quieter? Someone with autism.

xuserx12345 said:

NTA. Her not learning how to be the proper parent for her child is not your fault. Her bringing her child to a place where he cannot watch his tablet on full volume is not your fault. Her child having adhd/autism is not an excuse for not having coping steps in place for a meltdown.

Her child having adhd/autism is not an excuse for her inability to navigate a meltdown. Your restaurant is not collateral damage for her inability to be a proper parent and care for her child. The way they require.

AceHarleyQ said:

NTA, I'm on the spectrum, though high functioning. The world doesn't revolve around neuro-diversity. It doesn't change to suit our sensory needs. If you're a parent of a neuro-diverse child, your responsibility to them is to teach them the best ways to manage that in public so that hopefully they can exist as functioning adults when they get there.

Yes, sometimes that's a device like a phone or a book - and that's perfectly fine - if like you say, no volume or headphones are used, but as someone who's autistic - my literal worst nightmare would be a room full of people staring at me.

I have a friend who really struggles to function day to day, who was brought up with the "it's just his autism" mentality, and even he recognizes that had he been brought up with boundaries and guided as to what was acceptable and not in public he would struggle considerably less (he is low contact with his mum at this point as she appeared to enjoy the attention he got). I feel sorry for the kid.

seaglassgirl04 said:

NTA! Special Ed teacher here. This behavior is not tolerated by the Autism Program teachers in my schools- they have behavioral strategies and incentives in place to manage behaviors. Autism is NOT a free pass to be an ahole or disruptive. Unfortunately I've seen increasing numbers of kids in regular ed acting out this year and nothing is happening to address it.

Significant-Half-189 said:

NTA at all. I feel like these days any diagnosis is an excuse to not put in any effort to act appropriately and expect the world to cater to you and your children. People treat it like a badge of pride now and want to be all shocked Pikachu face the moment society tells them “no." That woman and that poor child are going to have a rough road ahead.