'AITA for refusing to eat at a restaurant that served me gluten? My family thinks I'm overreacting.' UPDATED

"AITA for refusing to eat at a restaurant that messed up my order once?"

Okay the title sounds ridiculous I know but hear me out. I am gluten free, not by choice but out of medical necessity. I became allergic about 5 years ago so it’s not new and I have gotten pretty good about eating out without being completely obnoxious, and I know my limits with ingesting gluten.

When I went out with friends last month I ordered a cheeseburger with no bun and subbed the side of fries with steamed veggies to avoid leftover gluten in the fryer. When the plate came it had fries and a bun. I asked the waitress if my plate could be remade because I was allergic to gluten.

She gave me attitude, told me potatoes don’t have gluten so I can eat fries, and to take the bun off because the kitchen was slammed. I told her I could wait and didn’t need to be prioritized, but to please just have my food remade. When it finally came, it came out in a takeout box with all the checks.

I wasn’t about to make a fuss and I was just planning on going home after so I figured I’d eat the takeout at home and say oh well. But on my check I was charged for two meals, with an upcharge for substitutions on both. I went to the bartender and got one meal taken off my bill and tipped her nicely in cash, but decided to never eat there again.

So last night I had family over and they wanted to order in, specifically from the same place that got my order wrong last month. I told them that’s fine but I would order from somewhere nearby and just go pick them both up.

I thought this was reasonable, but my family looked at me like I just suggested a lion go vegan. They told me they thought I was out of my childish phase and that not eating gluten wouldn’t help me drop the extra weight I’d put on.

It was such a massive overreaction to me, and I don’t know why they felt the need to comment on my weight (which I wasn’t concerned about until they said that!). So I explained the situation that I had a bad experience there with a simple ask and they doubled down that it’s immature to never eat there again and to inconvenience everyone else just because I don’t want some carbs.

I dropped it because I was so shocked and just ordered from the restaurant next door. Turns out they have the same generic brown takeout boxes so when I got back and we ate everyone was telling me ‘see don’t you feel silly now, everything is fine’ and that I needed to stop being ‘a Karen’.

It’s the next day and I just feel like it was so weird and I wanted to share what is kinda a funny and lighthearted story, but I’m also slightly wondering AITA by not going there again?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

vulchiegoodness said:

as someone with multiple food allergies, your family sucks, and that restaurant sucks. I would not trust anything that came from either kitchen.

BadCompany919 said:

No you’re not overreacting lol you were perfectly reasonable in just ordering somewhere else and picking it all up. Does your family know it’s medically necessary for you to avoid gluten???

OP responded:

They do! That’s why I was so baffled. Apparently they didn’t think I was serious? Or I’d grow out of it the same way I developed it. Who knows.

solomons-marbles said:

Hell no. If it’s about getting a burger pink instead of med-pink, yes. BUT when food allegories are concerned; you’re completely on the money. My wife has celiac. You need to make sure the frier is dedicated GF. Also no pizza place or bakery is GF if they’re not dedicated GF. They can be friendly, but there will be cross contamination.

One-Plantain-9454 said:

Your family doesn’t seemed so concerned about your health. Just your weight. Why they made such a big deal out of where you decide to eat is so odd. I wouldn’t go back either. Probably put in a complaint about the waitresses behavior and dismissal about your concerned and then to be charged twice? Nope! I wouldn’t not go back. You are not overreacting. Your family however is wild.

713elh said:

No, your family is weird. It’s your life, your choices. You offered to go pick up your own food, it seriously didn’t affect them. Question are they bigger? Do they eat crap? To me it sounds like they’re on you for being “healthier” & totally disregard that you have an allergy.

OP responded:

My family is and always has been pretty average, and eats pretty healthy. I learned all about balance growing up and yeah ice cream is great but don’t eat it every day. Get the fries when you eat out or order the pizza when you’re too tired to cook, but make sure you also drink all your water and maybe have a grilled chicken salad the next day.

Make sure you fuel your body properly, etc. I just developed an allergy as I got older. It didn’t change much of how I eat, just subbing in some gluten free things and totally omitting others.

The next day, she shared this update:

What i thought would be a pretty lighthearted am i overreacting question turned into quite a family saga and a trip to the er real damn fast so i wanted to update my ‘silly’ restaurant boycott story.

But before the saga heres a happy update: One of my friends saw this post on it and called the health department herself and reported the restaurant, then left a long and seething review, and even went back and talked to the manager about our exact waitress. She was there and had already sh!t talked the restaurant with me, but knowing all this made her go nuclear. God I love her.

So the drama, I wrote this post the morning after the original dinner happened. The dinner was decent but I was very quiet and then reading all the supportive comments calling out my family’s behavior was really making me think. So when my sister called me later in the day to ask why I was so weird at dinner I had already been thinking about it and I kinda snapped.

I said that I was quiet because I was so hurt by the things others said and nobody defended me, per usual, meanwhile my friend went out and fought for me even when she didn’t have to. So she and I fought about what was said, if I was being too sensitive, and even about if my allergy was as serious as I claim. I told her I didn’t need this and hung up.

My mom texted me later, so did my brother, and again my sister. All saying that we should drop it and we’re family and this is silly. I put them all in a group chat and said yes, it is silly to fight with me over my own medical diagnosis and the food that I eat that has nothing to do with them.

I didn’t need my family to treat me like this when I have friends and other family that don’t and they can talk when they’re done being the immature ones. I put my phone on do not disturb and finished my work day. Yes, this was all during a work day!!

My night was relaxing, my husband cooked a delicious gluten free meal while I explained all this (he was out of town when it happened) and he was the perfect hype man and started highlighting more toxic behavior from my immediate family I have been blind to.

And then like a sitcom with ironic timing, there’s a knock on the door. My mom and sister came over to ‘make amends’ and brought dessert from a gluten free bakery. There are multiple around us, I didn’t question it. I’m sure you’re yelling at me to question it…I should have. We sat down to talk and I grabbed a cupcake, one bite in I knew by the texture it was not gluten free.

I spit it out and just looked at them, waiting for them to admit it. My sister had a look of slight fear while my mom sat there looking smug. All she said was ‘gluten won’t kill you honey, you grabbed that cupcake pretty fast, that’s a bigger concern’.

I was holding back tears from the feeling of betrayal and ran to my husband who was giving us space, he already had the keys and gave me my shoes to put on and we left to go to the er. He stopped at the door to say ‘you are never welcome in this house again’ and he took me to the er. I could feel my throat tightening as I was sobbing in the passenger seat.

I was seen right away at the hospital and I’m fine now, and writing this while waiting to be discharged as a way to process what the hell just happened. I feel like I opened my eyes and lost my entire family in under 24 hours. But you guys sure knew what was up, and my husband and my friends are plenty for me to feel loved and taken care of.