"AITA for returning all my sister's gifts?"
My (23f) sister (25f) just announced to the family that she's not going to go to any Christmas celebrations this year. My family planned Christmas out in late November. Our parents are divorced (they've been divorced for several years), so we made sure to schedule which day we would spend with each parent before December even began.
My sister and I have been talking to each other about how excited we were for Christmas, how we would carpool between houses, and how nice it would be to spend time with each other.
The two of of have gotten a bit closer to each other this year, and we both agreed we'd get nice gifts for one another. And then...out of nowhere, she calls everyone up this morning and says she just doesn't want to deal with the hub-bub Christmas and is just going to stay home alone instead!?
I just don't get it: She doesn't have to host anything, and both our parents live in the same city as us, so there isn't even a lot of driving. But she says she would just rather stay home and sleep in and avoid the "stress" of seeing "everyone" (me, my mom, and my dad).
Some more info: we are both uni students. I'm a grad student, and I have a job, so I am working right through the holidays. But-- I've booked off Christmas Eve and Christmas Day just for family. My sister is still in undergrad, and she doesn't have a job, so she has a completely free winter break from December 19 - January 12. (So, she gets to "sleep in and avoid the stress" for nearly a whole month.)
She knows this is the only time I have off all month!! I would get it if she had a significant other that she would rather spend time with, but she doesn't. I'd get it if she planned a last-minute trip to Vegas or something, but she hasn't. I'd even get it if she planned this further in advance, but she just told us all today!
Now I feel like I've been completely abandoned, and honestly, I'm really, REALLY hurt that she's choosing to spend Christmas alone in her apartment rather than together with family. She knows I low-key balled out on gifts for her, and I feel like I just want to return everything I got for her now.
Like- if she can't even show up for Christmas, why would I buy her so many cute things??? The whole point is to open things together on Christmas morning, and I think I'd just feel weird just dropping a bunch of presents off for her some evening after work. Like-- where is the Christmas spirit in that!?
Part of me feels like I'd be a giant AH for returning all her presents instead of waiting until January to give them to her. Even worse, part of me actually wants her to be hurt by this because she hurt me. But honestly, I just don't even know what else to do? I'm just so disappointed, and also mildly in debt from my holiday shopping, so maybe this is the cathartic and money-wise thing to do?
TL;DR: My sister backed out of all our Christmas plans last minute, and now I want to return all her gifts. AITA??
Here's what people had to say to OP:
MikeRoykosghost wrote:
YTA. Your sister may have a hundred valid reasons she doesn't want to do Xmas stuff this year that you just don't know about. One of them would be that she simply doesn't feel like it.
You wanting to hurt her intentionally because she hurt you unintentionally makes you TA.
You need to grow up and realize not everything is about you and that hurting people when things don't go how you'd like them to is what psychopaths do.
Naomeri wrote:
NAH—She could be suffering burnout from school, she could be having a sudden mental health meltdown, she could be more introverted and be wiped out from all the time spent with people in school and she just needs some time alone to recharge.
None of these things may have been happening when you all planned your holidays out. But you’re also not an AH for being annoyed at the sudden change in plans—it’s a hard thing to deal with.
Please check in with your sister and see if there’s something deeper going on that she could use some support for. Maybe start with a text message so she doesn’t have to answer right away, but don’t be accusatory or interrogate her. Just ask “is everything going okay with you?” or something
Grouchywhennhungry wrote:
Is she's depressed, because thats what this feels like. Or is she struggling financially and just cant face Christmas where she can't give gifts as this seems to be very important to you? Why don't you call her and talk to her.
Find out what's going on rather than just ditching her presents. YTA is you return gifts instead of communicating. The whole point of Christmas is being with loved ones - not presents.
Wise-Matter9248 wrote:
It sounds like your sister is feeling kind of mentally overwhelmed and stressed at the moment and is clinging onto whatever will give her the most peace and rest.
People who are excited about Christmas don't suddenly change their minds if they are in a good headspace. Maybe instead of returning all her gifts, you should check in with her. Make sure she's okay, and offer to do a low key get together later, or to drop off her gifts on your way to your parents and call her on Christmas Eve.
HorkerSaurus wrote:
If one of my siblings pulled a sudden 180 like this I’d be pretty worried about them and not really worried about getting revenge. Maybe take a step back and try to have some perspective, it’s understandable that you’re upset but it feels like you’re focusing on the wrong thing. NAH.
smart-wing-5757 wrote:
Check in on her. This could be a sign that she needs her sibling to check in on her. Without any other context It sounds like depression.