'It was revealed that my dad has a secret other family and now there is drama.' MAJOR UPDATE

"It was revealed that my dad has a secret other family and now there is drama."

The story is that my dad had a child with another woman shortly after he married my mom but before I was born. My brother that I didn't know about is 32. I'm 28F and my younger brothers are 26 and 24. My dad gave the other woman money over the years and her and my brother knew my dad was married and had a family but none of us knew about them.

The only reason my brother 32M revealed the secret is because his son needs a bone marrow transplant and they are looking for a match and anyone with a blood relation is the best chance for one. My mom feels betrayed obviously and I doubt their marriage will survive. But I hate all the drama and gossiping that is happening in my family. I hate drama in general and this is like my worst nightmare.

The internet had a lot of comments and follow-up questions.

ivoryleo wrote:

So was your dad a father to your half brother as well or was that just cheques and birthday cards in the mail situation? Your dad absolutely fucked up and imo, fucked up continuously by not telling his wife there's another child. From what you shared in the post it seems that beyond financial aid he did not take any responsibility for your half brother. Dear old dad has A LOT of explaining to do.

OP responded:

"So was your dad a father to your half brother as well or was that just cheques and birthday cards in the mail situation?"

My dad sent money to his mom until my dad grew up. My brother didn't meet my dad until he was an adult and has only met him two times in his life.

Medium_Classroom2600 wrote:

Looks like a Chinese drama 😅

OP responded:

My boyfriend is Colombian and he said it sounds like a telenova.

DegreeComfortable198 wrote:

This is shockingly similar to something I experienced this year except I was first born and my parents were divorced. I’m 28 and about 8 months ago found out my dad got another woman pregnant when I was about 9. It was a one night fling with a woman he met online right before he met my stepmom.

He knew he had another daughter out there and told no one except my stepmom, even his parents didn’t know until a few months ago. She’s 19 now, and knew about our dad and that she had siblings from him. Her mom apparently told my dad he was off the hook if he didn’t want to be responsible for his child and my dad took that opportunity and just buried it away that he had another child.

We haven’t met still but occasionally talk over text and phone. It’s a life changing experience, finding out you’ve had a sibling for years. There was definitely the drama because after he told me he then told his parents. My dad not only made my sister grow up feeling unwanted, but robbed her and I of a relationship. Even though we are sisters, we are strangers.

nandoo_sabka_bandhoo wrote:

What I'm more interested in knowing is - did they find a bone marrow match for the kid?

OP responded:

We only found out about my brother and my dad's secret family two days ago.

New-environment9700 wrote:

Your poor mother...and really all of you. Your father betrayed your entire family which is a huge trauma. And it seems the other woman knew he was married which is lovely also. I’m sorry for the pain your family is going through.

239shawty wrote:

I can’t imagine what your family is going through. The fact that the “other family” knew and never felt the need to say anything is absolutely insane. I’m sorry, I hope your mom can find healing from this cause I can’t even imagine what she’s going through.

[deleted] wrote:

Yikes :(

Even if anyone could actually believe that the sexual infidelity was a "one time indiscretion", your dad misappropriated money for at least 18 years, which is not something that is tolerated - even by no-fault states.

And as if keeping the secret son and concealing (and stealing) money from your family wasn't bad enough, he was either a complete deadbeat who had no relationship with his child or he repeatedly lied to and betrayed your mom by spending time with your half-brother and his AP (probably claiming he was at work when he could've been spending time with you and your younger brothers).

OP responded:

He never spent time with him. My dad gave his mom money but my brother didn't meet him until he was in college, and they've only met twice before this.

The money part I agree with you definitely.

A bit less than three years later, OP shared an update.

I forgot about this post for a while because of everything that was going on. I want to thank the people who posted supportive comments towards me and my family and weren't negative about it. My mom divorced my dad. She could not get past the infidelity and didn't believe my dad that "it was only a one time indiscretion."

She was devastated when she found out. She's doing better now but it still hurts sometimes. They were married for 34 years so it's been a big adjustment for her. She moved into a new flat and is trying to move on. My relationship with my dad has been destroyed over this and how he acted. Same for the rest of my family.

Regarding my nephew, it turned out that while no one in my family is a match (my brothers, my uncle and my cousins all got tested) the then girlfriend (now fiancée) of my cousin was a match. She agreed to the transplant. It was complete fluke because she isn't genetically related to my nephew.

But she has given him a second chance and had no hesitation about agreeing to give. Everything went as well as it could have and my nephew is doing great. I was ineligible to give my bone marrow because I've had cancer in the past, or I would have been tested too. My nephew is doing great and that's all we can really ask for. We have gotten to know my brother, his wife and my nephew.

My brother has only met or talked to my dad twice in his life (once when he was in university and once to tell my dad that my nephew needed a bone marrow transplant). Total time for both meetings put together was less than 30 minutes. My dad was never involved in his life and was against my brother contacting us. My dad tried to intimidate him into staying away even knowing my nephew was sick.

We don't care what my dad says though. My brother wasn't trying to get money or anything from us. It was just about trying to save my nephew. I've never met my brother's mother but apparently she's doing well and is in a committed relationship and my brother gets along with her boyfriend. But me and my family are focusing on getting to know my brother and his wife and son.

The internet was glad to hear the update.

Black-Cat-Enthusiast wrote:

I’m happy you’re nephew is alright and hope you all continue to thrive. Except your dad of course, he can rot.

Illustrious_Bird9234 wrote:

This is the best way this terrible situation could have played out.

cgm824 wrote:

That’s honestly amazing that you’ve been able to reconnect with your brother, his wife, and especially your nephew, it sounds like a real second chance for your family, and I’m glad to hear your nephew is thriving after everything. It’s wild how things lined up with your cousin’s fiancée being the match, like it was meant to be.

As for your dad, of course he tried to keep your brother away, if he had his way, he’d still be living the high life, pretending none of this existed and coasting through life, instead of facing the consequences of his choices. The fact that you all ignored him and chose connection over his intimidation says a lot about your strength as a family.