'AITA for revealing that the baby shower surprise had already been ruined?'
"AITA for revealing that the baby shower surprise had already been ruined?"
I (f25) was invited to the baby shower of my partner’s sister-in-law (F28). I’ll call her Jenny. The surprise party was organized by her best friend (Melli) through a WhatsApp group. I didn’t know anyone there.
The surprise was planned for today at late morning at Jenny’s apartment. Her husband was supposed to distract her, and her mom (Sandy) was going to let us in quickly. Last night, Jenny’s family invited us to dinner. It was nice at first.
Good food, but the restaurant was very loud. After eating, my partner and I went outside for a quick smoke. I went back to the table, and he stayed briefly at the bar with his brother and his father-in-law (Mike).
When he came back, he told me Mike had accidentally let it slip to Jenny that the baby shower was happening today, and Sandy was yelling at him for it. I could actually hear her shouting across the room. When they came back to the table, Sandy and Mike were still arguing. She accused him of spilling the secret while drunk, and he kept saying he didn’t know it was a secret.
I wanted to be honest and warn the girls, so I wrote the following in the group, “Um… Let’s put it this way…it wasn’t me, but Jenny knows. Her dad let it slip while "slightly drunk" Sandy is really angry. Just wanted to let you all know.” Everyone in the group reacted with humor, except Melli, who said it was a pity but thanked me for telling them.
Today at the shower, everything seemed fine at first. Later, Melli and some other girls pulled me aside. Melli told me she’d messaged Sandy last night: “Hey, I just heard Mike told Jenny about the baby shower. I’m honestly really sad because I put so much effort into making it a surprise. I’m a bit upset.”
Sandy replied calling me names, then deleted it. After that, she told Melli to “send my regards” to me and said I’m a stupid person and she’s very angry with me. This morning, before I arrived, Sandy again called me names in front of several people and admitted in anger that she didn’t tell Mike that the party was a surprise.
Now Jenny, Sandy, Jenny’s sister, and even partly Mike are mad at me for “revealing the betrayal”… basically, for telling the group that Jenny already knew. I didn’t mean to badmouth Mike, I just wanted to be honest and warn the girls. But now I’m apparently the villain. So...AITA for revealing that the baby shower surprise had already been ruined?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Useful_Language2040 said:
So... Sandy didn't think to tell Mike that the party was a surprise, but named calling for letting people know that he spilled the beans?! Sounds like she's embarrassed and deflecting because she screwed up. What does your partner think?
Like, it might have been tactful to check with Jenny "How do you want to play this? Would you like me/your sister to message and give people a little heads-up that you know, or do you reckon you can convincingly fake being surprised?" But it sounds like you were acting in good faith to try to minimize any drama? So NTA!
Wild_Ticket1413 said:
NTA. You didn't ruin the surprise. Someone else did. All you did was let them know that the surprise was ruined. That was a reasonable thing to do. You didn't do it in a judgmental way.
suziecats said:
ESH. I don’t think Sandy has the right to be upset since it’s technically her fault the surprise got ruined. That being said I don’t think you needed to say anything. Jenny may have wanted to play it off like she didn’t know so her friends could still have the surprise. She could have let on after the fact if someone asked her if she knew. Feels like you just wanted to stir the pot.
cannycandelabra said:
YTA warn them about what? Most surprise parties get leaked. Everyone goes through the motions anyway and the person acts amazed. This wasn’t your story to tell and it wasn’t about you so no need to say a thing.
Familiar_Shock_1542 said:
NTA. Sounds like all this is entirely the fault of Sandy, the mother of the pregnant woman. She is either totally incompetent or deliberately sabotaged the event. Any normal person would have warned everyone else that it was a secret. Not sure why you're being used as the sacrificial lamb here. Are you sure you want to be in this family?...
CatsMeow_1993 said:
NTA and that family sounds crazy, I would steer clear of them.