'AITA for saying in public that my husband is the infertile one?' UPDATED

"AITA for saying in public that my husband is the infertile one?"

My husband, I call him James (35M) and I (30F). We have trying for a baby for a few months, we can’t get pregnant so we went to the doctor and when the results came it reveal that my husband is infertile, we were sad but live with that and we’re thinking about other options like adopting a child.

Yesterday we went to have lunch with his family (his parents, and 4 siblings and their respective families) the topic of kids was bring to the table and my husband said we can have child’s for our own so we are thinking in other alternatives, then my mother in law (I know she doesn’t love me but she was always polite) said,

“Oh my boy, you should find another women, you know one who is really a women, I know you want kids and I really want to meet my grandkids, I can find a pretty and fertile woman for you” it was very awkward, really awkward, and she said it with that poisonous tone that I hate.

I think my husband was going to defend me, but he just live a little laugh, which make more angry, in that moment I look dead in the eye at my MIL and told her “pick up your words, and said that to me” she look me confused and ask what I meant, and told her “you need to said that to me, that I need to find a men that is really a man, so I can have child, I won’t be mad if you find me a better and fertile man”

I said with a smirk smile, the table went dead silence and my SIL ask “you mean that my brother is the infertile one?” I and said “yes, and I will be so pleased if y’all find me a fertile men, that in one week I can get pregnant, maybe with triplets” I said laughing, “you know that my uterus is perfect so it maybe can be quadruples” I said sounding more excited.

The table went complete silence, and my husband and MIL face went pale, in that moment I stand up, get my bag and take a uber home.

Like an hour later James stormed into the house yelling at me for exposing him in that way. I yelled back that he let my MIL humiliate me, so he have no reason to be mad, in that moment I told him that I need a man who is really a man, not just fertile, a man who stand up for me when people are talking sh*t about me.

He’s sleeping in the guest room, I’m very mad and thinking to divorce, I can’t be with a person who let his parent humiliate me in that way, it was pretty awful, and words can’t express the way that my MIL said that words. AITAH?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

HootblackDesiato said:

NTA. Good for you, for standing up for yourself!

Nononsense7890 said:

Your MIL and your husband went looking for trouble. They found it. They are both pieces of sh!t. You deserve so much more than their cruelty and disrespect. Get out of that cesspit.

No-BS4me said:

NTA. Your MIL is a nasty woman, and you returned her words to her when your husband didn't defend you. If he had told her she was out of line or shut down her poisonous behavior, you wouldn't have needed to say anything. They both got what they deserved.

OP responded:

Omg yes, I was hoping him to say something like “don’t talk in that way about my wife” or “you have no right” But he didn’t. TY for the support ​​​​​​

helpmeimstuckinatree said:

If mil says anything else, ask her if she thinks the infertility comes from her family or her husband's.

NTA. That was your only option, husband deserved that.

TheFeralVulcan said:

Normally, I believe there are secrets spouses should always keep for each other. But the fact that your MIL seems like a poisonous POS (still not a reason to spill secrets) BUT the fact that he did not defend you from said poisonous POS...

well, he should have and whatever came out when he didn't - is on him. NTA, nobody should have to be humiliated like that - but he let her humiliate you first and didn't defend you, so the gloves come off as far as I'm concerned.

OP responded:

We weren’t planning on tell anybody about the real problem, we only said we couldn’t without going in details. But I was in the place to do it, ty for the support.

She later shared this update:

1st of all thank you all for the support, and advice! 🥰 second like lot of you said, it’s not the first time my MIL made comments, but they were passive aggressive ones, not like this, she always find something wrong with my clothes, hair, make up, cooking, car, literally everything, I talk with my husband lot of times about it but he brushes it off.

the worst is my SIL, because before me my husband used to date her bf and she is still hurt by the breakout (I have nothing to do with it). 3rd for all those who said that my answer was bad and nasty I know that I may answer kinda aggressive, but MIL told my husband to GET A NEW WIFE, and none of you were there to know how things happened.

obviously i humiliated James because the actual reason of me getting so mad was that he LAUGH about someone disrespecting me.

Now the update, he came home like an hour ago and we have a short but intense conversation/fight. He said he feels very humiliated about me thinking he is less man because he can’t have children, I told him that his mother humiliated me too and he doesn’t feel bad at all.

He said that in the moment he doesn’t know how to react, I told him “maybe saying that she doesn’t have any rights to talk about me in that way and insinuating things” he went silence and I told him that this isn’t about the fact he can have kids, is about the fact that he let people disrespect me just so his masculinity doesn’t get hurt, is about how he always minimize the bad comments his family said to me.

he said that he is sorry for that but his family is very important and he will be not disrespecting them, I and said “I am your family too, and you let people disrespect me, so your words have no value” he stay silence and I told him “you are not the man for me, you are not the one to get older with, because you are a weak mommy’s boy, and I need a man who knows my value and grow apart his family”

I told him I want a divorce and to pack his things, he said that we can go counseling, I and said that we can better save that money for divorce proceedings. He packs his things and left and tomorrow I would get a lawyer, I am hurt, ofc i am, but I know that I deserve better.