'AITA for revoking my MIL’s baby monitor access after a comment she made while I was breastfeeding?'
"AITA for revoking my MIL’s baby monitor access after a comment she made while I was breastfeeding?"
I (32F) have a 3 month old baby with my husband (31M). His mom lives across the country (we’re on the east coast, she’s in California), and to be honest, she’s always been a little intense.
Not a full blown monster-in-law, but def more “involved” than I’m used to. Like, she’s the kind of woman who will call to say she saw a “cuter” outfit for the baby than the one I posted on IG.
Anyway, when our baby was born, my MIL asked if she could have access to the baby monitor so she could “see her grandchild grow up from afar.” I was a little iffy on it but my husband thought it would be sweet and would help her feel more connected, since she can’t visit often. So I agreed.
We have a Nanit camera in the nursery which lets you view the video feed from anywhere. What I didn’t realize is that she’d be watching us all the time. Like, not just the baby sleeping. She comments on things she has no business even noticing.
Like the other day, I was breastfeeding in the nursery (I wear a robe cause it’s more comfy) and a few hours later she texted my husband saying, “Tell [my name] I’d be happy to send her a nicer robe, that red one’s looking a little raggedy 😳.”
Like.. what?? Excuse me??
I was so creeped out. I mean, that was clearly during a private moment, not just the baby napping.
I told my husband and he kinda just shrugged it off. He said something like, “She doesn’t mean anything by it. She’s just observant. I grew up like that. We never had real privacy in the house.”
Okay but... we’re not kids anymore? And she’s not even here?
She also makes weird little passive-aggressive comments. Like if the baby cries for a while, she’ll text things like, “Poor little guy, someone must be tired today 😬” or “I would’ve picked him up sooner, but you’re the mama!” Which feels like she’s judging me but trying to play it off as casual.
And she always acts like she’s trying to “help” but it’s in a way that makes me feel like I’m constantly being watched and judged. It’s not mean, just kinda… boundary-pushy?
So I changed the settings on the camera so she can’t access it anymore. I didn’t announce it, I just did it. She texted my husband asking if something was wrong with her app, and now he’s mad at me for “making it a thing.”
He says it was harmless and now she feels “cut off,” and I could’ve just told her instead of “going behind everyone’s back.” I told him I didn’t think I needed permission to stop someone from watching me in my own house. He says I overreacted.
I feel like I’m losing my mind a little because to me this is a huge privacy issue, but maybe I’m being dramatic? I just don’t want someone literally across the country watching me breastfeed and make comments on my clothes and parenting. So... AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA, that's invasive and creepy. I would feel incredibly violated if someone was always watching and making comments like that. If you are at all interested in compromise (full disclosure, I would not be) maybe you can agree to turn it on at specific times so she can 'visit,' like nap time or playtime.
NTA. Tell him you'll set up the nanny cam in his office/man cave and his mom can watch him!!!! Solve both of their problems. Your parenting is between you and him. She is not a third parent and it's high time she was reminded of that.
NTA. Ew no. Grandma can FaceTime with the baby like everyone else does. I would hate the feeling of constantly being watched in my own home.
Is DH seriously skimming over how freaking creepy and intrusive his mother is acting? WTF?
“DH, if you’re so used to not having privacy and having your mother comment and every.. single… thing then that’s on you. It’s not normal. She’s overstepping. I tried to communicate this to you. You don’t want to hear it. And now we’re here. Until she learns to hold her tongue no baby. Got it?"
OH HELL NO! You have a husband problem who has himself a mommy issue! NTA! Stand your ground Mama!
Get her one of those photo frames where you can remotely upload whatever photo you want, and cut her access to spying on you all. She clearly can’t handle the social responsibility. I also would say that if she is telling you things out of pocket, she is absolutely telling her book club gals anything and everything. Your life is her social credit.
NTA she's crossed your boundaries and privacy and your husband needs to acknowledge this ,it's disrespectful to you and he needs to be mad at his mother not you.
You are most definitely NTA- the fact you even let her have access to start with was a big deal and she has proven she crossed boundaries many times, sounds like she spends most of her day ’watching’. Kinda weird and creepy.
It’s your first baby and you should be able to sit and relax while breast feeding without worrying she’s watching you- your hubby should be backing u up on this one- I hope he does.
So, if you husband didn't have privacy growing up, does it mean you and your baby shouldn't have it or deserve it? Your MIL is creepy, and your husband is feeding that weird behavior. NTA, your husband and MIL, on the other hand...