"AITA for revoking my GF's car privileges?"
My GF (26F) and I (28M) have been together for about 3 years. We've lived together for the past 6 months. A couple of months ago my GF's car broke down and the repair estimate was really high.
Given that her car was over 10-years old she decided not to repair it and to start saving for a new one. I agreed with her decision and told her we could make it work with sharing my car until she gets a new one.
This past weekend I had to work on Saturday to put the finishing touches on a big presentation for Monday. When I told my GF about it on Friday night she asked if she could use my car to go see a friend while I was at work. I told her as long as she drops me off and picks me up when I'm done that was find.
She dropped me off at my office and I told her I would text her when I was finishing up so she can come get me. She told me that was fine. It ended up taking my coworkers and I about 3 hours to finish what we had to do.
So, I texted my GF that we were almost done and I asked her if she could come get me. She said she would be on her way in a few, since she was only 15 minutes or so away.
As we were locking up the office, my coworkers asked if I needed a ride and I told them my GF was on her way to get me so they left to go home. 30 minutes pass and my GF isn't there yet so I text again to see where she's at. She doesn't respond so I figure she's driving. 45 minutes and she's still not there or answering my text so I give her a call and no answer.
At this point I'm getting pretty frustrated. Finally, over an hour after she responded to my first text, she pulls into the parking lot. She immediately starts apologizing and making excuses for why she was so late. She said her friend is going through a hard time and they got caught up talking and she lost track of time.
I told her that she could have told me that when I texted her and I could have gotten a ride with my coworker. Or, she could have responded to my text or answered my call so I wasn't sitting there wondering WTF was going on. She just kept repeating that she lost track of time and was sorry.
I told her that I think it's pretty messed up that she was using my car and agreed to pick me up and dropped the ball so badly. I told her that until she gets her own car she doesn't get to use mine for anything other than work. No using my car to go get her nails or hair done, no taking my car to see friends, etc. If she wants to do that stuff she has to use the bus or Uber.
She told me I am overreacting and that it was just one time and that her friend really needed someone to talk to. She said she already has plans for this coming week that she needs the car for and I told her too bad.
She told me I am being a jerk and that I wasn't even waiting that long. She has asked a couple times to take the car since then and I've refused to give her the keys. Now she's angry with me for not giving in.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Man, one strike and she's out? This seems a little overly harsh here. I would reiterate that if you lend her your car, you expect to have it back when you need it, and give her another chance.
I understand that waiting an hour sucks (especially with no response to attempts to contact her). This still seems a bit over the top, especially for someone you've chosen to live with, and perhaps spend a life with.
Any further crap like this should definitely result in the end of car privileges, though. ESH. She should've been more responsible, but you should probably at least give her a warning.
NTA. She's mad you're not letting this slide. Hold firm on the boundary. She was borrowing your property, and it came with a caveat. She didn't have the decency to send a text that she was delayed. She failed to communicate with you and doesn't want to deal with the repercussions of her choices.
Bro is literally thinking she got in a wreck bc she ghosted him for an hour. “Be there in 15” and then straight up ghosted, while out with his car. She couldn’t be bothered with the phone reminding her - and - her brain didn’t have alarms going off “I have somewhere to be”. Straight up awful communication and she sounds like a total space cadet at best. Or having an affair.
NTA - These people saying otherwise are the girlfriend. I truly do not see how you can be the AH. You tried to be accommodating, and she dropping the ball so hard. 10 minutes late is 1 thing, A WHOLE HOUR is completely disregarding anyone else but herself.
These are the natural consequences for her actions, its rough, and sucks for her. It is not unnecessary punishment, this is just how the cookie crumbles, just so happens that she took that cookie and smashed it in her hands.
NTA. Total disrespect. She knew your boundaries, but her friend took precedence and YOU were expected to suck it up. Sit you around for an hour! I can imagine if she would be expected to be inconvenienced like that for one of YOUR friends. Actions have consequences. She can still use the care for work, but she needs her nails done, take an uber.