'AITA for not telling my bf that my dad/family is rich?'
"AITA for not telling my bf that my dad/family is rich?"
diamondalarmbells
So, my boyfriend “Callum” and I have been together for 8 months, and over this long weekend I figured it would be a good time for him to meet my dad. He has met my mom and stepdad a couple of times, but always at restaurants or my place. But for this meeting with my dad we went over to his place for lunch.
Looking back on it, Callum was immediately uptight when he saw where my dad lives, but I thought it was just nerves. He was acting pretty strange all through lunch, and was very cagey about any questions my dad or his wife asked. But again, I chocked it up nerves.
Well, when we were driving back he blew up (not yelling or anything, just clearly frustrated) that I never told him my dad is rich. I was confused and asked why he’d need to know my dad’s income.
Callum said he would have prepared himself better if he’d known and that I sent him in there “blind” because you’re meant to warn your partner or potential pitfalls when they meet your parents. I was still confused what about my dad’s tax bracket was a potential pitfall.
I could see warning him if my dad was incredibly snobbish about dress sense or manners but he isn’t. Callum then asked if I’d also “hidden” that my mom and stepdad were rich which I admitted I guess I did, although I take issue with him calling it hiding something, it’s just not relevant.
Callum hasn’t let it go and is now digging into irrelevant stuff such as my previous vacations, my living situation, and my job, apparently so he can figure out what exactly my “lifestyle” is. I think he’s totally lost the plot. But up until now he’s been a really sweet, unassuming, chill person so I’m wondering if I really am the problem?
To clarify, my parents are not rich like what you would think of when you think rich. Both my dad and stepdad have been successful and been able to give themselves and their kids nice lives but we aren’t the Waltons. And even if we were, is this a thing you “warn” people about???
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
KronkLaSworda
Going with NAH.
"Callum hasn’t let it go and is now digging into irrelevant stuff such as my previous vacations, my living situation, and my job, apparently so he can figure out what exactly my 'lifestyle' is."
It sounds to me that this is less about your dad being rich, and more about his worry about your expectations in how much money your partner should be making. If his prospects don't include a country club lifestyle that you're accustomed to, he'll be worried that you'll become upset. I think you two should sit down and talk this out a bit.
Familiar_Practice906
Honest question here, Wouldn’t you think him worrying about that makes him at least a little AH though?
KronkLaSworda
"Wouldn’t you think him worrying about that "
Having anxiety doesn't make you an AH by itself. He hasn't done anything assholish, yet. He's just asking about her lifestyle. Not unreasonable questions 8 months in.
crocodilezebramilk
There’s also the “will I ever fit in with your family” kind of thing too.
ower_of_Atturdy
I was going to say you’re not, but Jesus every response highlights how you are so oblivious to everything going on and incredibly defensive about your situation. You are the picture of “we’re not rich because super ultra rich people exist”. Yikes. YTA.
ThSprtn117
OP's responses just scream "we aren't even that rich, our Lamborghini is only a Huracan, the neighbors have an Aventador"
iama_XXL
INFO even with the clarification, a bit more is still needed. Like either approximate house value or income range. Like sure, he may not be 1% but is his income such that it could be off putting?
Based off what's been provided I'd say NTA but I could understand his side of feeling ill prepared. He only has one shot to make a first impression and feeling under dressed or just ill prepared is hell.
He maybe wondering too if you aren't about to flip script on him at some point and want to take vacations to Europe or Maui, or need a $50k ring, etc. Which is why he's digging.
The OP responded here:
diamondalarmbells
If you Google what would make you “1%” then yeah, my dad fits that bill. He paid seven figures for his house when he bought it. I get he felt unprepared but i feel like he’s carrying out forensic financial analysis on my life now, which seems excessive.
At no point in 8 months have I dragged him to expensive restaurants or expected him to spend more than he could comfortably afford. I pay my way. I know what he does for a living, I’m not going to expect him to suddenly become rich. And if I want a 50k ring, I will expect to buy it myself. It feels a bit unfair that this one thing seems to be negating everything he has known about me since we met.
lazy__goth
As respectfully as possible, being in the top 1% is rich. Very rich. Callum is probably worried about expectations and his own inferiority. That’s not your problem but as his partner you could have been more transparent. Also, it’s only not a big deal to you BECAUSE you’ve grown up rich. To Callum it could be a very big deal, because he hasn’t.
Edit: I really hope others see this comment because you’re purposefully avoiding questions about how rich your parents are. To me that says you know you omitted important information about how privileged you are. That’s not a good look.