'AITA for telling my roommate that she needs to move out before the baby comes?'
"AITA for telling my roommate that she needs to move out before the baby comes?"
I don’t know if I was being harsh, I was just being honest with my roommate. I(19f)share an apartment with my roommate, kayla(21f). We lived together for a year, it was my apartment first but my aunt suggested having a roommate would be beneficial to both of us.
About two months ago she told me she was pregnant, I thought the situation was weird but I congratulated so I wouldn’t be rude. I was shocked because the dude she’s dating is an old guy that’s married, she said they’ve been dating for 6 months.
I believe that the guy cut contact with her. I wanted to see what she would do because having a baby in this situation? She said she was figuring it out, weeks went on. She finally sat down with me and told me she’s keep the baby and wants to raise it in the apartment. I won’t lie, I was upset because that’s not suitable for a baby.
I told her:
- we live in a two-bedroom
- Very thin walls
- I’m in school full time but work night shifts.
- She’s in school to be a lawyer and wouldn’t have enough time to study
- The lease statements that we can’t have long term guests.( lol the baby being a guest)
She’ went on to say the baby isn’t a guest and she can figure it out. She started venting about how her boyfriend isn’t answering her calls, she loves him, the last message he left her was that he will “get her” if she comes around his family, I told her to report this but she thinks I’m out to get him. it was too much.
She also can’t stay with her parents because they don’t condone her having a baby out of wedlock, she said they’ve are going to stop paying her college tuition. I feel like that’s crazy for a parent to do.
She had a plan, she asked if I was willing to help her. Like switching rooms so she can have the bigger one. Help when the baby cries, well dang. I told her then she will need to find another roommate, but no she’s scared because she’s already close to me.
I told her no because I don’t sign up to be a baby sister for an infant. I picked the roommate and not a baby, this isn’t a place for a child. I told her if she keeps the baby then she will need to find another place before the lease renews.
She begs crying saying I’m horrible for wanting to kick out a pregnant woman. She als said I know that she can’t afford a place of her own right now. I also suggested some women shelters and resources that can help her.
Her mural friends told me I was a bad person, if they think I’m a bad person and selfish, then why not take her in? I know why they don’t want to take her in, they’re just showing out. But I feel like this will change the living situation we agreed on.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. She's trying to make you into the second parent. The sooner she has to move out the more likely she is to have figured out housing before her baby arrives. Do not let her con you into letting her stay.
She's panicking and looking for support, but that can't automatically be you.
She should have thought of that before she dated a married man. He is obviously trash but she has put herself in this terrible situation. Also I'm glad to finally have an OP that sends the flying monkeys back by asking them to take her in. OP did the right thing by offering all the resources that are available.
Just don’t renew the lease with her. Talk to the leasing office about getting your own apartment, if you can afford it on your own.
Her crisis doesn’t automatically become your responsibility.
She needs to get child support from her old baby daddy.
This. She has some options. The big one is to list baby daddy as the baby daddy and make sure he helps support his own kid. AH thinks he can just ghost her and the problem goes away. She thinks she can get OP to help, when the first person she should be going to for help is the baby daddy.
Why is it that so many of us just accept that the dad is out of the picture and not even mention him. Maybe he’ll find ways to weasel out of being responsible, but at least he’ll be on the radar of the government who may be providing what he won’t.
If nothing else, the roommate can always resort to blackmail - she'll tell his wife and family if he doesn't provide adequate support. If the blackmail doesn't work, she needs to have child support paperwork ready to go before the divorce does though.
NTA. You are a student and she already wants to pin the baby on you.
It’s the audacity of asking for the bigger room for me. She’s already mentally renovating the apartment into 'her' family home where OP is just a guest who pays half the bills. If she’s a law student, she should know better than anyone that 'I’ll figure it out' isn’t a legal defense for a lease violation.
Having a baby is her choice. Not having a baby is yours. It’s not your baby. You don’t owe her anything. NTA. Don’t get sucked into this situation where she’s not gonna be able to make rent soon. Forget that.
You are NTA. I do hope that you're being as gentle as you are firm. You cannot add a baby to your small apartment. Your roommate can choose to complete the pregnancy and raise the child but she cannot impose that on you.
The only question is whether or not she is on your lease. If she is then you probably have to let her (and the baby) live there until the lease expires. When is the child due? And when does your lease renew?
Being too gentle is going to make the roommate think she can get OP to bend. OP needs to be firm but polite, but not worry about being gentle.