'AITA for ruining my sister’s honeymoon by revealing the truth about our mom?' UPDATED
"AITA for ruining my sister’s honeymoon by revealing the truth about our mom?"
Mom and dad got divorced when my sister Sam and I were 13 and 10. That was 12 years ago. My father was a cheater and still is (onto his fourth marriage).
Mom met her bf George a year after the divorce but she kept it a secret and didn’t introduce him to us until two years later. Until she was sure that he was the one. That was the time I have seen my mother the happiest in a relationship (she’s always been a happy and bubbly person).
Sam hated George with all her might because she loves my father very much and he was very heartbroken that mom moved on. My sister never forgave my mom for it and threatened to cut contact if my mom didn’t dump her bf. My mom did.
Afterwards my mom was very depressed and down but my sister and dad were happy. Then my sister left for college a few months later. I know for a fact that my mom started seeing her bf again a year ago, she’s been happy again.
My sister got married last weekend yesterday we had a lunch before she and her husband were to leave for their honeymoon. When I arrived, she was a bit down. Apparently she asked mom to join us but mom declined. So she opened up saying that since mom dumped her bf she has been very distant and cold with my sister.
Never rude or mean or angry, just cold. If she asked her anything or needed something, mom would be there for her (like when my sister was sick) but other than that, she never contacted my sister on her own volition. My sister was telling me that maybe mom never will be happy again because of her ending her relationship.
I told her not to worry about it because they are still seeing each other behind our backs and that mom seemed very happy. My sister was shocked and she started yelling in the middle of the restaurant and started trying to call mom to ask her.
Then she called an ah for never telling her before now. I just never thought it was a secret that I was hiding. Just a private matter and I thought my sister knew too because how couldn’t she realize that mom has been happy again and have been going for weekend getaways.
My sister is now demanding that mom break up with her bf or she will go no contact and I feel like the ah for everything including miscalculating that my sister still has the same stance.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NTA - Your sister is over-reacting. Not everything is about her. P.S. You didn't ruin her honeymoon.
OP responded:
I feel like it is my mistake to start this again. My mom told my sister that she is an adult now and free to go NC. Now my sister thinks my mom and I are ah.
NTA you should have told her in front of her husband how terrible she was for what she did to your mom.
Now, THAT could have definitely ruined the honeymoon!
Tell your sister to grow up her dad is the one that f up not your mom she deserves to be happy your sister is a ah and you for not stopping her before.
10 days later OP came back with this update:
So my mom and George are getting married and none of us are invited. Just some of their closest friends and George’s children and their parents. They are getting married in September and moving to another city.
She sent my sister a letter telling her that this time she was the one who is asking for NC. That she has done her job now and raised two well adjusted and happy daughters and she believes her duties are being fulfilled. Now we are all adults.
My mom wants space and peace now and she will not be dragged into more drama. That she wishes my sister to stop being like her father believing all people are her property and puppets. And after that she can take the same amount of time to reflect then they could maybe reconsider their relationship.
So if it takes you 5 years to be a decent human, then take another 5 years to make sure and reflect, then maybe we can consider reconnecting. Until then I wish you the best life but I don’t want to be a part of it.
She didn’t write any letter to me and told me that we could always keep in touch (we talk 5-7 times a week) and I am welcome to visit and stay with her and her husband anytime I wanted.
Now sure how to feel. My sister is the one who hurt her and yet she only decided to move on once she made sure my sister was happily married but what about me?
Here's what people had to say to OP after the update:
I think your mom has sacrificed enough for you and especially your sister. She deserves happiness. She's not going low contact with you. She shouldn't have to wait for you to get married for anything.
It sounds like both you and your sister, but especially your sister, are so used to your mom sacrificing herself for the two of you that you just expect.
How about instead of expecting that, you support your mom for a change. Call her. Tell her you love her and support her and want her to be happy. Ask if you can be there to support her when she gets married. Tell her that you want to be there for her and with her on her special day.
OP you told your sister that mom's been seeing bf all along. You knew it was secret, yet purposely told the person who hated your mom about it. You started the ugly harassment by sister and dad all over again.
Mom can't trust you now. Or what you'll tell your sister about wedding details. Surely you can understand that.
OP came back later and added this in response to comments:
We have talked and she honestly was scared to invite me and not my sister because she didn’t want to hurt my sister or make her feel she favored me.So I got very upset and told her that I have always paid for my sister’s mistakes.
She is the problem but I am treated equally to her not to offend her, when I have always loved and supported her. I knew she was seeing her future husband and was happy for her.She started crying and she apologized so now I am invited to her wedding 🥹
I am invited. I was neutral because I was 10. I have not spoken to my dad since I turned 16. That is not “neutral.” You all should be ashamed of yourself accusing me of all kinds just because my dad and sister are trash to my mother. But we have talked and I am going to attend my mom’s wedding so f you and everyone else."