'AITA for 'ruining' my BF's perfect proposal plan because I was hangry?'

"AITA for 'ruining' my boyfriend's perfect proposal plan because I was hangry?"

I (26F) have been dating my boyfriend (27M) for a little over 3 years. He’s great. Smart, funny, decent cook (if you like everything covered in hot sauce), and just a genuinely sweet guy. We’ve talked about marriage, so it wasn’t a surprise that he was gonna propose at some point. I just didn’t know how or when.

So here’s what happened. Last week, he told me to get dressed nice but comfy, and that we were going for a “surprise evening.” First of all, that’s already suspicious, because the man once told me "surprise food" and took me to Taco Bell. But okay. I went along with it. We end up driving like 45 minutes out of the city to this really pretty nature trail near a lake.

Mind you. It’s already 6:30 PM, I hadn’t eaten since lunch, and all I had was a granola bar that I shared with our dog earlier. So I’m getting grumpy. And not cute-sassy grumpy. Like, “Why did I leave the house if there’s no food here” kind of grumpy. He wants to go on this long walk to "the perfect spot" and I’m like bro… I love you, but I’m about to chew on this pinecone.

I start complaining. Not screaming or anything, just “I’m seriously starving, can we go get food first and come back?” He’s acting weird and insists we go now or the moment will be gone (??). I don’t get it and say I’m not walking any further without food. He gets quiet, we leave, and end up getting burgers. Later that night, he tells me that he was going to propose there, and I “ruined the moment.”

I feel kinda bad because yeah… I did complain a lot. But also??? He planned a full-on hike during dinner time and didn’t bring snacks? Does he not know me?? I told him maybe next time, schedule a proposal when I’m not at war with my stomach. He laughed but I can tell he’s still a little disappointed.

Now his friends are saying I was “self-centered” and “killed the romance.” My friends say if he wanted a perfect moment, he should’ve fed me first. So, AITA for ruining my own proposal because I was hangry and needed fries more than a fiancé?

TLDR: Boyfriend planned a surprise proposal in the woods during dinner time. I got hangry. Proposal didn’t happen. Now I’m wondering if I was the AH or if he should’ve brought snacks.

What do you think? AITA? Or did he mess up with his timing and failure to bring snacks? This is what commenters had to say:

LavenderSharpie said:

A series of unfortunate events. He didn't think about time of day and food and hanger. You couldn't read his mind to be able to predict what plans he had. Your collection of friends are not helping by taking sides, btw.

Beneficial-Way-8742 said:

Lots of pressure being placed on these "perfect moments." Everyone is picturing these Tik Tok vids with professional makeup, perfect lighting, etc etc. Don't you guys know none is them are spontaneous, real, or even just planned? They are REHEARSED. He needs to be realistic. You both need to be forgiving. Good luck 😊

Independent_Sign9083 said:

I once had an ex tell me that I ruined his proposal plan (we were traveling by train, he was apparently planning to do it at the station, I thought we needed to catch the train). He ended up later telling me, after he did propose, that he felt like I made him and he never wanted to.

The next time I was proposed to, by a different man, I made us late because I declined to go in the store we were supposed to and said I wanted to go in a different store instead. He humored me, I was late to my own proposal, we laughed about it. He never accused me of ruining anything or messing with his plans.

You can never ruin a surprise by accident. Because you can’t ruin a surprise. What I mean by that is if you are genuinely in the dark about something and don’t accommodate their surprise plans, it’s okay. You can ruin the surprise element, but the moment is still there and the event or plan can still happen.

You didn’t know he was planning something and then messed it up on purpose. You were hungry and wanted food. Honestly, your boyfriend should know by now that you get hangry if you aren’t fed. And his plan wasn’t brief. A 45 minute drive followed by a hike, at dinner time.

Sea_One_5969 said:

So you were expected to know what the plan was when it was a surprise? It’s not possible for you to ruin a plan you don’t actually know about. Yeah you may suspect, but you didn’t actually know.

Why would he ruin it by telling you later? Why didn’t he just pop the question another way? He’s actually the one who ruined the surprise by telling you about it. That doesn’t seem fair.

And OP responded:

Right?? That’s exactly what I was thinking! Like… how was I supposed to magically know I was walking into a surprise proposal while running on fumes and one granola bar?

And yeah, I kinda wish he hadn’t told me after. It lowkey made me feel worse, like now I missed “the big moment” and it’s my fault. But honestly, if he had just whipped out the ring while I was inhaling fries at the burger joint, I probably would’ve cried happy tears with ketchup on my face lol.

dcorra said:

If he really knew you well enough to want to marry you he should've at least packed a picnic meal to eat when you got there or on the way.

OP responded:

Right?? Thank you!! I was out there thinking I was the crazy one for not wanting to get engaged on an empty stomach in the middle of a forest. A picnic would’ve totally saved the day, and probably gotten him a yes right then and there lol.

Beanz4ever said:

NTA because you didn't KNOW what he was doing. All you knew was that you were starving and your bf was ignoring your pleas for food, trying to get you to exercise on an empty stomach. He could have planned better is all I'm saying 🤷🏼‍♀️

He also could have kept it to himself and had a 're-do', where he asks you when you've been fed, instead of being all butt hurt and trying to make you feel guilty.

Hopefully this will be a funny story yall tell your grandkids someday.

ThisIsKellen said:

Genders reversed and you’d be getting flambé’d. YTA

And Efficient_Debate_477 said:

I dont think either of you are assholes, i think it could’ve been planned better though. I get weird when im super hungry tbh. He probably should e taken you out to eat first, but i dont think this is something you can’t work past. Just have super honest conversations and view it as a hurdle to jump over together instead of tripping over the hurdle and throwing it at each other