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'AITA for ruining my BIL's reputation after he cheated on his sick wife before divorcing her.'

'AITA for ruining my BIL's reputation after he cheated on his sick wife before divorcing her.'


AITA for "ruining" my BIL reputation because everyone knows he's a terrible cheater?

bad-in-law1 writes:

My in-laws are currently furious with me for allegedly harming my brother-in-law's feelings and reputation within my friend group. Recently, my single brother-in-law, Chris (38m), has been dropping hints for me to introduce him to women, but I've consistently declined.

Chris has been single for almost three years and has been struggling to meet women. He attempted to flirt with my friend Grace (35f), who showed no interest due to his history of infidelity and lack of physical attraction.

At a small party we hosted last Saturday to celebrate my husband's long-awaited promotion, Chris persistently flirted with Grace, who eventually grew frustrated and privately expressed her disinterest, mentioning his lack of physical appeal and questionable character. This conversation was not overheard by any other guests.

Following the party, my in-laws surprised me by calling to scold me for allegedly mistreating and embarrassing Chris. After a heated exchange on the phone, I reminded my husband that handling his family matters was his responsibility. While he dealt with his parents, I reviewed our security camera footage.

To my surprise, the footage revealed Grace verbally confronting Chris, highlighting his past infidelity, including cheating on his late ex-wife, Lily, while she was battling cancer.

Grace also criticized his character and mocked his professional achievements, suggesting his job title was inflated and his company was on shaky ground. She concluded by advising him to consider cosmetic enhancements and seek divine intervention for his purportedly rotten soul.

My in-laws and Chris believe I should not have shared Chris's past behavior with my friends, as it has painted him in a negative light. However, I countered that his actions spoke for themselves, particularly regarding his treatment of Lily.

Subsequently, I discussed the situation with my colleague Natasha, who accused me of cruelty for disclosing Chris's past, arguing that he had made significant personal growth in the past two years and should not be defined by his past mistakes. Natasha, who is dating one of Chris's friends, is also acquainted with him.

For the record, I only shared information about Chris's treatment of Lily with my immediate friend group, consisting of six individuals, half of whom were already aware due to their connection with Lily. Therefore, it's not as though I broadcasted the information publicly.

Here are the top judgements from the post:

Pleasant_Test_6088 says:

NTA (Not the A^*#ole)! How can telling the truth be perceived as unfair? Chris did this to himself. It was his behaviour that is the problem. Why should you expose your friends to a potentially horrific relationship?

You know your BIL is a cheater but your in-laws want you to keep that from your friends so he can continue to take advantage without consequences. I think you did the right thing.

Tangerine_Bouquet says:

Truth is an absolute defense to defamation. NTA. What kind of friend would you be if you didn't warn your friends about his cheating? If he's 'grown' then he can prove that. You do not owe him any set-ups, much less ones you've lied to by omission.

C_Majuscula says:

NTA. Always alert your friends to cheaters, especially cheaters cheating on a CANCER PATIENT! Whether or not he has changed is debatable but many people have a hard "no cheaters" line.

Fit-Confusion-4595 says:

I love Grace already! Chris isn't in a position to complain about gossip, since he went crying to his parents. But in the future, you should probably not invite him to functions where he might hit on your female guests and ruin their evening. NTA.

WiseConsequence4005 says:

NTA sounds like you did good and protected your friends, he can go somewhere else. It's like a job what if you introduce a friend and recommend them for the job, your reputation is on the line then and same here your friends would never look at you the same if you recommended a cheater to them in any shape or form.

Prudent_Way2067 says:

Oh my word poor poor Chris and delicate ego, running to mummy and daddy to cry that he can’t get a girl to kiss him….. wah, wah, wah! Obviously your NTA Chris’s reputation is already out there and he can’t understand why nobody wants to now kiss the warty toad that he is.

What do you think? Was OP right to tell her friends about her BIL's behavior?

Sources: Reddit
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