AITA for 'ruining' a bachelor party and uninviting myself to the wedding?'
"AITA for 'ruining' a bachelor party and uninviting myself to the wedding?"
I married my husband 5 yrs ago. For his bachelor night his best friends took him out to a breastaurant, the 3 split his cheap meal, drink and 1 shot. It was pretty underwhelming and only took an hour but we didn't say anything. These guys were 25, lived at home,no bills and all worked so they could have done more with the year's notice they had to plan it.
5 years later, his best man is getting married and he is best man for him now. My husband spent months trying to organize ideas for a bachelor night but in the end the Groom told them he wants exactly this:
Everyone to bring alcohol to his home to pre-game, then 2 Uber XLs (on a Saturday night in the most expensive part of town) for the 8 men to go to a Brazilian Steakhouse ($63 per person).
Then 2 Uber XLs again to a club where they will get 2 bottles of table service (Each bottle of 750ml Skyy Vodka is $300 before tip because a cute girl brings it out), then 2 more Uber XLs to the Casino where they will rent a room that sleeps 4 people (for 8 men) for $500/night and spend the night gambling.
So at this point we're looking at being out 1-2k upfront while they "get us back" and now he's saying he wants to rent the room Friday night as well. My husband has agreed to everything but the casino hotel as he's out of his party phase and wants to come home, so we wouldn't be going in on it either.
This has apparently ruined the entire bachelor party and the groom called us last night to ask why he won't just go along with everything and then accused us of having money issues.
Hubby made it clear we're just fine financially but unlike them we own a home, they're all childless and we have 3 kids in a ton of extracurriculars. This is how we choose to spend our extra money now.
On top of this he still has to rent a suit for a couple hundred and we still need to get a nice wedding gift, so I feel like this financial ask is out of hand. I made a comment the groom heard, while he was guilting my husband over the phone for 1.5hours that they didn't do anything for him so they should be happy we're going in on any of this absurd request.
So for the next 30 minutes the groom attacks me and my relationship with my husband. Example he claims he didn't do anything for my husband's bachelor because he wasn't sure we were going to make it.
I had been with my husband for 5 years at this point. So I went ahead and re-RSVP'd for just my husband to attend and declined for me and the kids. I offered to pick him up so he can drink all night with the guys even.
So I've been stewing on this all day at work so please let me know if I/We are the a-holes for not going along with this entire multiday expensive bachelor party and bowing only myself and my kids out of attending the wedding.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
"then accused us of having money issues"
AND IF YOU DID???? As if you guys not having disposable cash is a problem for THEM. The GALL!!!!
NTA. This is not about policing your husband's behavior or being a nag. This is someone who claims to be a friend demanding that your husband shell out an obscene amount of money for one night just to make him happy. Some kind of friend that is!
Fun_Milk_4560 (OP)
That was my take, I cannot imagine in my dreams ever calling someone and telling them they aren't spending enough money on me.
That’s because you actually have legitimate friends and you know how to be a legitimate friend to them. This groom…. Does not. He’s just a cheap bully.
I do not know why your husband simply did not tell his "friend" to eff off, that he would wait for his apology before participating in any further events, and hang up the phone. If I have a "friend" like that who badmouthed my wife and our marriage, I would end the friendship.
Fun_Milk_4560 (OP)
They've been best friends since kindergarten so he's having trouble walking away, and I won't ask him to, but our conversation after we both calmed down was him realizing this pattern of behavior from this particular friend group is toxic and unending so I think he's about to that point.
NTA, obviously. He wants 1-2k of your money after putting in zero effort for your husband's party, he badmouths you, insults both of you. Why would you go? You're being downright magnanimous.
Fun_Milk_4560 (OP)
Thank you, the entire wedding party is mad at us now and I've been feeling like I'm going crazy all day. Who asks this of people.
NTA but why is your husband taking it? No is a no, set some boundaries. My husband would have told this guy to go F*ck himself for disrespecting me at all and spending 1-2k is absurd on someone else’s wedding, especially after the disrespect and entitlement to YOUR money… IMO, especially with children in the picture. The friend seems like narcissistic asshole, is he even a good person?
Fun_Milk_4560 (OP)
He's not a bad guy overall and they've been best friends since kinder so the husband isn't quite ready to let go. We were kind of hoping he'd catch up to us in terms of calming down but he's trying to keep this party phase alive and well.