'Did I mess up by getting emotional about my daughter's birthday party?'
"Did I mess up by getting emotional about my daughter's birthday party?"
My daughter has never had a birthday party before, she has always struggled to make friends. She has really put herself out there and actually made friends with a group of girls and I'm very proud of her so when she asked for a birthday party this year, I was happy to oblige. Her birthday party was this past Saturday.
We had decorated our place with balloons and stuff. We set up the food, snacks, and cake and the party packs that we chose together. My daughter kept straightening things up trying to make sure everything looked perfect, she was very excited. The only people who showed up to the party were the elderly neighbours that my daughter and I are close to and a friend of mine and his fiancee.
My daughter spent almost the whole day looking out the window waiting for her friends to show up and not one of them did, it was sad to witness. When the day came to an end, she cried in my arms sad that not even one of her friends came. It was very hard to witness, she even went to bed earlier than her bed time because she was so upset.
I was really sad for her and found myself messaging the parents of the girls. I went on a rant telling them that it was really inconsiderate of them to not show up to my daughter's party when they said they would.
My daughter was really looking forward to it only for her friends to not show up and she was left completely heartbroken, they could have the decency to let me know at least. I then promptly blocked them. I unblocked them the next day after calming down and apologized for being overly emotional but I think the damage had already been done.
Well thanks to my little blow up, the friends that my daughter worked so hard to make are now avoiding her and although my daughter says it's okay and that she will make new friends, I know that she is pretty heartbroken. I am now regretting and wondering if I could have had a much better approach.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
Nah, it's deserved. If the parents RSVP'd for the girls and then didn't bring them, that's rude. For all of them to
nownot show up makes me think that the parents are a bunch of mean girls themselves and they okay'd them all ghosting. My mom would have never allowed me to do something like this as a kid. If I rsvp'd, I'm going.
CalligrapherDry3424 (OP)
That's what I don't get, you don't RSVP and not come. It does give off that vibe and the group was friends before my daughter joined so there's also that.
I think it's also really weird that every single one of them didn't show up... If it was just a few or even the majority it wouldn't seem like a thing but it almost feels planned that all of them skipped out after saying they would go... And now they're cutting her off for something her mother said? Sus.
As sad as it is, it is ok for her to see that you stand up for her, and that she too should stand up for herself. Because what happened to her was at best, very unkind.
My son was invited to a classmate’s bday party in middle school (they weren’t the best of friends). It was a couple days after the last day of school. Apparently about 6-8 boys were invited to a laser tag place Dropped my son off, checked in with parents and confirmed when to pick him up.
Came back 2 hours later to my son, bday boy and his mom eating cake. No one else showed. On the way home my son said he felt really bad for the kid and was really glad he went even thought he kinda new his close friends probably weren’t gonna go. Since school was out for the summer, we never really found out why no one went.
I hate to say it, but this stuff happened with my step daughter at a young age as well. After the second year of it, we just stopped having birthday parties, and instead let them choose something fun to do (roller skating, mini golf, jet ski rentals, trampoline park, etc.) then a restaurant of their choosing, and bring one or maybe two friends along with us.
Kids are rude, and they learn it from their parents. Sounds like you are teaching your daughter respect and how to stand up for herself and the way she wants to be treated. Those kids weren’t her friends, don’t sweat it.
If the parents actually rsvped and then every single one no showed, your daughter doesn’t need friends like that. I don’t imagine any adult that inconsiderate and thoughtless is raising exemplary children. Your daughter will remember you stuck up for her. Unfortunately these little brats and their parents have also given her the lifelong memory of a miserable birthday. Poor kid.
I don’t think you’ve sabotaged her friendships. It was awful of those parents to not inform you that they weren’t gonna make it if they said that they would. Usually these kind of conversations happen over a group chat in my experience, and parents act like mature adults.
Any decent parent would tell their child to be kind to others or at the very least be honest and communicate. The only thing I’d have done differently is not blocked them to begin with nor apologised. I’m not sure your daughter has lost any friendships but I do know that how you react to this situation will impact her.
Set an example for her. Go out, do new things. Make new memories. Have a bonus birthday! Help her make new friends! Better friends. A very very very HAPPY, slightly belated, 10th birthday to her! ?? I hope she had LOTS of cake!