'AITA for 'ruining' my daughter's wedding by dating her maid-of-honor?'

"AITA for telling my daughter she has no right to police who I date considering her mom had an affair which broke my heart and she had no issues with it?"

I divorced my ex-wife over a decade ago after her affair. She’s now married to her affair partner, and they even have a child together. I’ll be honest, therapy has slowly helped me come to terms with it, but to say it traumatized me would be an understatement.

My ex-wife and I share a daughter (25F), who’s getting married in a month. She’s close with both of us, and I’ve always made it a point to never badmouth her mom despite everything that happened. The affair didn’t affect her relationship with her mom at all.

A few months ago, I was having lunch at a café when someone recognized me. She turned out to be my daughter’s Maid of Honor. I don’t really know my daughter’s friends that well, so I didn’t recognize her. We ended up having lunch together, exchanged numbers, and I initially thought my daughter might have put her up to something.

But the next day, she asked me out for lunch again. Then again. This went on for a couple of weeks or so, and one day she asked me to dinner. I accepted. After dinner, she invited me back to her apartment and… well, one thing led to another and we slept together.

I honestly thought it was just going to be a one-time hookup. But she kept wanting to see me more, like she was interested in an actual relationship. For context, I haven’t dated anyone since my divorce, so I was confused about what she even saw in me. But I’d be lying if I said it didn’t feel nice to have those feelings again after so long.

Still, I didn’t feel right hiding this from my daughter, even though my girlfriend (yes, she’s my girlfriend now) insisted it wasn’t necessary and it would just cause drama. Eventually, she agreed we should tell her.

When I told my daughter, she completely freaked out. She verbally tore into both of us, called me selfish, disgusting, said I was ruining her wedding, and that she couldn’t believe I’d do this to her. She’s barely speaking to me now. My girlfriend says my daughter will have to get over it and that she’s being hypocritical, considering what her mom did to me.

She asked me if my daughter’s relationship with her mom was affected by the affair and I said no, and she said I have to tell my daughter that. I did later call my daughter and told her where was this outrage when her mom, someone I loved dearly, broke my heart? It didn’t affect her bond with her mom one bit. My daughter seemed sad on the call and started crying a bit, and I felt a bit guilty, but I said my piece.

AITA for dating my daughter’s Maid of Honor?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

Agreeable-Review2064 said:

This title is misleading. It has NOTHING to do with your ex and it’s interesting that you and your gf are pretending it does. A lot of women think it’s gross when their dads date women their age especially when it’s someone they know. YTA not for who you’re dating but for pretending that you don’t understand your daughter’s issue with it.

neckfat3 said:

I don’t know if your TA for dating your daughter’s maid of honor, but you are certainly TA for the title of this post. YOU ARE DATING HER MAID OF HONOR WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR PRIOR RELATIONSHIP! Yikes.

Horizontal_Bob said:

YTA. You’re literally sleeping with your daughters best friend or extremely close friend and you think this is about your ex? Honestly my guy…it sounds like this “friend” is using you to hurt your daughter.

She pursued you You have to know that this woman has ulterior motives You’re really not naive enough to think a 20 something woman is infatuated with you..right? Come on bruh

Normal-Giraffe155 said:

Usually the maid of honor is either a sister or the best friend. You do realize you're dating your daughter's best friend, right? On what planet it that okay? Not to mention you're old enough to be her father. If my dad did that to me,I'd be pissed. YTA.

Fragrant_Poet1934 said:

Yta. Using her mother’s affair that happened while she was still a minor in that way is manipulative. Your title made it sound as if you were dating any random person but it’s her best friend and seeing as you didn’t include your age, I’m going to assume you are double their age. To say you thought it was gonna be a one time thing after weeks of dating is also shady.

You are right in that you are allowed to date who you want but your daughter is also allowed to be upset when it’s her best friend. Both you and your “girlfriend” are being manipulative and assuming she would have probably confided in her friend about her mums affair makes her friend’s statement even more manipulative.

And Individual_Plan_5593 said:

You can twist it any way you want, this has nothing to do with your ex and how your daughter feels about you dating, this has everything to do with you dating your DAUGHTER'S FRIEND! So you gaslit your daughter and made her cry before her wedding? Oooh boy no wonder she prefers mom. YTA.

Do you agree?