'AITA for 'ruining' my husband's hiking trip by freaking out when he didn't call or text?' UPDATED

"AITA for "ruining" my husband's hiking trip?"

My (F27) husband (M28) and his 4 friends (all male and between the ages of 27-32) have a yearly hiking trip they take for 2 weeks. They have done it for years and it's fun for me because I really enjoy being alone and it's fun for my husband because he gets to hang out with his friends.

However, within the past couple of years the camping trip has always ended in a fight/argument that kinda ruined the whole thing but they were hopeful for this year.

I will preface this with saying I do not like these friends. These friends are ones he's had since elementary school and they just have formed a lifelong bond even if they don't like each other anymore.

A month before our wedding 3 of them decided to take a random trip to Cabo without "checking the dates" and the 4th one was having a baby (obviously we didn't plan him in the wedding party bc of that) but my husband only had one groomsmen and no support on his wedding day.

They do that kinda crap all the time where my husband is always kinda left in the dust. They also really don't like me because I helped my husband get sober when we started dating and they don't like that I took away their "real friend."

So, on these trips, I always just ask that my husband call/text me when they're winding down at the day so I know he's alive and well. It doesn't have to be long, it could just be a quick text, but he always calls because well.. I'm his wife and he likes me. These calls never ever last more than 10 minutes, ever. I usually make him hang up to go have fun.

His friends apparently HATE that he calls me or even texts me on this trip at the end of the night. This came to a point where they hid his phone from him for 2 days just so he wouldn't call me. I thought he was dead and messaged their respective partners (whom I'm actually pretty decent friends with) about if they had heard from them. One gf called and screamed at bf to give him his phone back.

When they finally did my husband called me in near tears saying that the trip so far had just been a nightmare and he just wanted to come home. He told me they used the trip as an "intervention" to convince him to divorce me because I am "too needy" and demand "too much" from him. Both of those things are severely untrue. I'm not perfect but I'm certainly not those things.

Anyways, this set me off and I messaged their partners about this. I was really upset and wanted to understand what made them do that. Well, apparently I started a whole storm of them all calling their bf's and going off on them for me. I didn't ask them to do it and I felt bad because I just needed to vent. This made the trip even worse for my husband because they just kept calling me names.

Since being home, my husband is not mad at me at all and understands why I did what I did. He knows they're in the wrong. But now I know I've ruined a relationship he's had for years because I just didn't keep it to myself and I also ruined a 2 week trip for him. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Abba_Zaba_ said:

OP's husband : I would like to let my wife know I have not perished.

The group: Toxic. Whipped. Trip ruined. Life ruined. Leave her. NTA

OP responded:

that's how they treat their partners on the trip!!! even the one who has two small children told his gf not to call him for at least a week. HE'S 32 WITH KIDS AND THINKS THAT'S REASONABLE. I'm the only one who gets more than 5 mins of contact for 2 weeks unless it is an absolute emergency.

Kelli113 said:

NTA and you didn’t ruin the trip. Once your husband finally got his phone back he already wanted to go home. That’s on his so called friends, not you. To be honest, even if you were extra needy and demanding you still wouldn’t be the @$$hole. It is not their place to judge your marriage and to push him to divorce you is not something they have the authority to do. Your husband just has crap friends

OP responded:

That was my thing. They define "needy" as "because I treat my husband as an equal he has to do as many adult things as me and can't play more video games with them" as if that's a BAD thing. He even pointed out to him how stupid they sound and they were like "she has you brainwashed man" like... doing dishes/laundry is brainwashing? expecting him to cook every other night is needy?

EveningJellyfish1 said:

NTA...wow. It's perfectly normal to want your husband to check in with you once a day while he's on a trip. I don't think you have anything to worry about though as I highly doubt your husband will remain friends with these children after this.

OP responded:

I just feel so bad because he is genuinely heartbroken to lose them. They are essentially like family at this point and it's hard to break those bonds. He knows they suck but it doesn't hurt any less.

venhhh said:

NTA. It’s about time he let go of his shitty friends, I’m glad he can see what they’re truly like and is sticking with OP, who seems to be the only person in this situation who has his back and gives a shit about his happiness.

tarnishau14 said:

NTA. There is nothing wrong with letting your partner know you are safe. My DH often text me "not dead in a ditch " Just to let me know he's okay. ?

Catfiche1970 said:

NTA. It's hard to finally rip off the bandage and just leave the group, but it's totally necessary here. The fact that he was crying and wanted to come home speaks volumes. I'm angry that they don't like him sober. I know what it's like to lose friends who don't like your improved self.

Maybe he can join a local Meetup group that hikes and make some new friends that way. He sounds like a man who has outgrown those idiots and has a better future ahead.

Edit from OP:

For clarification purposes I want to emphasize that I'm not asking if I'm the AH for wanting a text/short phone call to make sure he's alive. I feel 100% justified in that and am not asking for a judgement call there. I'm asking if I was the AH for contacting their gf's.

She later shared this update:

I am so overwhelmed with all the responses and thank you for every kind word said. I just wanted to give an update that my husband (and my husband alone) has decided to go low contact with the hopes of being no-contact by next year

(for personal reasons regarding his parents being in the same town as two of them that I don't want to get into he can't necessarily go completely NC and I also agreed with him on that).

He has apologized to me for letting it go on this long but openly admitted that it was an unhealthy attachment he had been desperately holding on to. I am not resentful of him, he is not resentful of me, and we're excited to grow from it. Thank ya'll again!