'AITA for 'ruining' my sister’s engagement party by telling her fiancé she cheated 3 years ago?'
"AITA for 'ruining' my sister’s engagement by telling her fiancé she cheated 3 years ago?"
So this blew up over the weekend and now my whole family’s basically saying I’m a jealous b**ch who can’t be happy for anyone else. My sister (27F) just got engaged to her boyfriend of 4 years. They had this big surprise engagement dinner, super romantic, all our family and his family were there. Everyone was crying, clapping, it was like straight out of a movie.
Except I couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that she cheated on him the FIRST YEAR they were together. With her ex. Multiple times. She told me back then because we were close, and I begged her to tell him, but she never did. Said it didn’t “mean anything” and she “never did it again” and “what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”
I kept my mouth shut because it wasn’t my relationship and I honestly thought she’d end things eventually. But nope. Now they’re engaged and everyone’s acting like she’s this perfect angel and it just made me sick.
So I pulled him aside after dinner (we were both grabbing drinks in the kitchen) and I told him. I didn’t plan it, it just came out. I said I thought he deserved to know before marrying someone who started the relationship lying to him.
He went pale. Didn’t say much. Left early. Next morning, my sister calls me SCREAMING. Says he confronted her and now the wedding’s “on pause” and it’s “all my fault.” Our parents are furious with me, saying I ruined her life over a mistake she made years ago and that “it wasn’t my place.”
But like??? You lie to your fiancé for four years and that’s somehow better than me telling the truth one time? Now I’m second-guessing it though. Maybe I should’ve just let it go. Maybe it wasn’t my business anymore. But he’s a good guy. He would’ve never found out.. I think? AITA?
What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:
RudeAlternative8116 said:
YTA … but not for telling the truth, for waiting until now to do it. You knew she cheated four years ago. You knew they stayed together. You knew he had no idea. And you sat on that info until after a big engagement dinner with both families there?
Your sister was wrong but dragging it out like this, letting it fester, and then dropping it like a bomb at a celebration sounds like you wanted to punish her. If you felt this strongly, you should’ve handled it like an adult a long time ago. Waiting until now just makes it look like spite. She’s not innocent. But neither are you.
_iron_butterfly_ said:
YTA for allowing him to waste 4 yrs of his life with someone who doesn't truly love or respect him.
And OP responded:
I get your point but telling him now rather than later is still better isnt it? Idk maybe I should've just let it be
FinePossession1085 said:
If you truly cared about her fiancé, you would have told him years ago. Waiting was petty. It sounds like you are jealous of your sister. Truth is important, but waiting as long as you did to speak the truth has cruel undertones.
MrsSEM84 said:
ESH. Normally I’m 100% on the side of anyone exposing a cheater, because it absolutely is the right thing to do. Always. BUT, if this was about you doing the right thing you would have told him years ago when you first found out. You have been complicit in this by lying to him for years.
By waiting until their engagement dinner, it very much does come across as you doing it because you were jealous & couldn’t stand her being the centre of attention. The way you described the dinner, “Everyone was crying, clapping, it was like straight out of a movie” screams jealousy to me.
You were not wrong for exposing your sister for cheating. But you were wrong for waiting so long. He deserves to know now, but he deserved to know back then too. But I do think you need to have a honest think about WHY you chose to do it when you did. Because I think you have some jealousy issues and/or insecurities about your sister. And for your own sake you should work on that.
I also think you owe both your family and his family apologies. This must have been horrendously humiliating and painful for all of them.
OP has since added this comment:
CLARIFICATION: I found out recently! I would’ve told her earlier if I found out