'AITA for ruining my sister's engagement party?' 'I woke up this morning to a voicemail.'
"AITA for ruining my sister's engagement party?"
I (F25) recently got into a relationship with another woman for the first time. I'm openly bi, though I've only dated men previously and tbh I don't think many people in my family really believed I was bi because of that. It is still new and I hadn't officially mentioned her being my GF with the family yet.
Last night, my sister hosted a small engagement party with close friends and family. I was very very enthusiastically encouraged to bring a partner, but given the fact it's a girl and would be our first event, I didn't want to make a big deal at the party and came alone.
For the entire time I was there, my mother kept pestering me about finding a boyfriend/husband. I avoided her, trying to dodge her questions, but I'm not a very good lying and she quickly picked up on that fact.
So she enlisted the help of my cousin to stalk my Instagram. I don't post much, but they quickly found me tagged in my GFs posts and put two and two together.
It wasn't a *bad* reaction, but it was the main topic of conversation for the rest of the night. Lots of whispers, questions and "Love is love" comments. I just tried to take it in my stride and kept trying to celebrate my sister's engagement, but I was a bit uncomfortable with the attention and left as soon as it was appropriate for me to do so.
Well. I woke up this morning to a voicemail and a few texts from my sister saying she is upset I ruined her engagement party, by making everything about my new relationship.
Not only that, but my mother and several family members who my sister ended up raging at for focusing so much on me at the party for her, have text me saying that it was my fault they're in trouble.
They say I need to apologize and make things right with my sister, so she will stop being so upset with them. That it was only natural for them to react that way to such news and I should have either made the relationship known before the party, or done a better job at hiding it. Am I the ahole?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Accomplished_Two1611 said:
Here's your apology. "I am sorry that I was hounded into revealing my private dating business by people who should have been both adult enough to respect the occasion and my right to speak about my business when I decided it was appropriate to do so.
I am sorry and saddened that these lapses in judgement and decorum by those who should have known better tainted my sister's engagement party. I hope that this episode serves to remind us all that even when curiosity is borne supposedly out of love and concern, there is still a time and place for everything." NTA.
photosbeersandteach said:
NTA. Let your sister know that it was unfortunate that her engagement party was ruined, but remind her that you did not bring your GF and when your mother asked, you intentionally tried not to answer. So the person she should be texting for an apology, is your mother.
As for the other relatives. It’s not your fault that none of them know how to mind their own business or don’t have the common courtesy to know that the focus of an engagement party, should be the couple who just got engaged.
Tough-Combination-37 said:
NTA. You’re the scapegoat in your family. I’m sorry. No matter what you had done, this would have happened. You did try to hide it but frankly your love life isn’t their business. You don’t have to make anything better for anyone in this situation except yourself.
duckoffthanks said:
NTA you legit did everything in your power to not take attention away from her. If your family would get over this “you need to find a man” BS which is wildly inappropriate I feel to harp on you about at your sisters engagement party like one kid is getting married be happy move on. They went down the rabbit hole on their own because they lack boundaries.
Temporary_Agency_599 said:
NTA. Lol. This is so dumb. I guess you could apologize for not having a good poker face or something, but you did nothing wrong. Don't apologize. To any of them. Do not ever make other people's decisions, bad behaviors, or problems your own. It's a bad habit and sets a bad precedence.
Balawulf said:
Nope. You didn't even mention your girlfriend, your mother snooped in your Instagram and I assume either she, your cousing or both spread the topic. Don't you dare apologize to anyone about anything you don't a) even shared and b) have ever to apologize for. NTA.
Squiggles567 said:
NTA. Your mom, cousin and other whispering relatives ruined things. I can kind of understand why your sister is hurt, but she’s wrong to be directing her anger at you. You couldn’t have been more respectful. Better out than in, though. And great that it happened before the wedding, rather than at the wedding.
Maybe once your sister has had some space, take her out for a 121 trip to do something she’ll enjoy to calm her nerves. And ask her if/how she’d like you to intro GF before the wedding to stop the attention steal.
Yes, you could stay mad at your sister, but life is too short. If this is unlike her, I’d give her the benefit of the doubt as weddings have a way of making people a bit crazy.