Brother reflects on engagement toast gone wrong after sister cuts ties. AITA?
"AITA for ruining my sister’s engagement party by bringing up a family tradition?"
Alright, buckle up because this story is going to be a bit of a ride. For context, I’m a 29-year-old guy, and my younger sister Liz (26F) just got engaged to her boyfriend of two years, Jake (30M).
The engagement party was last weekend, and it ended with Liz in tears, me getting accused of being a self-centered jerk, and now half of my family refusing to talk to me.
Here’s the thing: in our family, we have this quirky tradition involving an heirloom engagement ring. It’s not anyone’s actual proposal ring—it’s this gaudy, oversized monstrosity with a weird mix of gemstones that look like they were randomly thrown together by someone who just discovered bedazzling.
My grandma swore it was “fashionable” in the 1920s, but let’s be real—it’s ugly as sin. Still, it’s supposed to represent good luck in marriage, and it gets passed down whenever someone in the family gets engaged.
When I proposed to my now-wife Emily three years ago, I got “the ring” handed to me with all the pomp and ceremony, and we both had a good laugh about it. Emily and I kept it in a little box on a shelf because.
While it’s hideous, it’s also kind of sweet in a sentimental way. Fast forward to Liz’s engagement. Liz has always hated the ring. I’m talking, “makes gagging noises whenever it comes up in conversation” levels of hate.
She’s called it “a cursed toad” and joked that if she ever got it, she’d drop it into the nearest body of water. We all know how she feels, so I figured it’d be funny to bring it up in a lighthearted way during my toast at her engagement party. Big mistake. Huge.
During the party, everyone was giving speeches—our parents went first, then Jake’s parents, then a couple of close friends. When it was my turn, I kept it short and sweet, congratulating Liz and Jake and sharing a funny memory of them.
Then I said, “Liz, there’s one more thing. As the next person in the family to get engaged, it’s my duty to pass down the family heirloom ring. I know you think it’s hideous, but hey, maybe Jake will think it’s charming!”
I pulled out the ring box and held it up dramatically, expecting laughter. And, to be fair, most people did laugh. Except Liz. Liz looked like I’d just told her the wedding was canceled and the venue was being converted into a landfill.
After my toast, Liz pulled me aside and went off. She said I was humiliating her, making the party all about me, and ruining her special day. I was totally caught off guard.
I tried to explain that it was a joke and that I didn’t mean any harm, but she wasn’t having it. She accused me of mocking her, dredging up something I knew she hated, and embarrassing her in front of Jake’s family.
At this point, Jake came over and looked... awkward but not angry. He said something like, “It’s just a ring, babe,” which did not help. Liz stormed off, and Jake gave me a half-hearted shrug before going after her.
The rest of the night was tense. My mom told me I should’ve kept the ring thing private and said it was in poor taste to bring it up in a speech. My dad, on the other hand, thought it was funny but said I “probably should’ve read the room better.” Emily thought Liz was overreacting but advised me to apologize to keep the peace. So, I did. Twice.
Once at the party (she ignored me) and again the next day over text, where I wrote a long message explaining my intentions and apologizing if it came across as rude. Liz replied with, “Glad you finally understand how selfish you are. Don’t talk to me until you’re ready to be a better brother.”
Now, Liz isn’t speaking to me, and our family group chat is a battleground. Half the family thinks Liz is being a drama queen, while the other half says I shouldn’t have brought up something I knew she hated, especially in front of Jake’s family.
Even Jake’s mom chimed in, saying the toast was “tactless” but that Liz “should let it go.”
So here I am, feeling like I walked into a minefield without realizing it. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
NTA. Engagement/Wedding speeches are meant to be serious but also some tongue in cheek comments. You’ve apologised twice. Don’t engage in the group chat drama and it’ll be forgotten in a week. Liz kinda sounds like the sort of person who’d moan at you for NOT passing down the ring as well.
NTA. You did read the room. The room laughed. The groom acknowledged that it's just a ring. You played the part of a teasing brother without bringing up anything embarrassing. She chose to be offended here.
In her defense, sometimes, as adults, we fall into childish patterns of behaviour when we are with the people we grew up with... ie, maybe she's not an immature jerk in her regular life. Maybe this is the version of herself she falls into with you.
However, instead of graciously accepting an apology and talking through whatever issue she's having, she chose to double down on this ridiculous stance. I think you can safely ignore her. Bratty children are insufferable but bratty adults? Just back away. You don't want to be used for dramatic storyline in the soap opera in her mind.
Wow. Maybe your sister shouldn’t be getting married if she’s going to be petulant child and have a massive temper tantrum. This is so cringe. Even if I hated the ring I would have groaned loudly and made a huge sigh about it and just laughed.
All she had to do is stick it in a drawer somewhere until the next person gets married? It’s a joke like holy hell? I’d be making her apologize to you. She seems like a monster.
NTA and I hope your brother-in-law is ready for a very long, tedious life being married to somebody with no sense of humor.
Wow! Liz needs to get over it. Personally, I think half of your family is right and Liz is a drama queen. I don’t know what more you can do. You sincerely apologized, for basically a bad joke (in her eyes). What more does she expect?
Please don’t feel guilty as you did nothing wrong. She ruined her “big day”. Good luck at the wedding. She’ll have everyone walking on eggshells. Just keep a very low profile or you will surely do something wrong like wearing the wrong color tie and ruin her big day!!