I (22F) am a senior in college and just graduated last month. My graduation was a huge deal for me and my family especially since I’m the first in our family to graduate from college. My parents threw a big party for me with all of our relatives and family friends. It was supposed to be a day to celebrate my hard work and achievement.
Enter my older sister “Sophie” (28F). Sophie has always been the "golden child." She’s pretty, charming and gets along with everyone. While I’ve been grinding through college Sophie has been hopping from one relationship to another living a carefree life. That’s fine her life her choices but she tends to hog the spotlight in every family gathering.
At my graduation party Sophie brought her boyfriend “Ethan” (30M) whom she’s been dating for about a year. I was happy to see them, but Sophie was acting unusually excited and giddy all day. I didn’t think much of it until during the toast Ethan suddenly got down on one knee and proposed to Sophie in the middle of my graduation party.
Everyone started clapping and cheering for them and just like that the entire focus shifted away from me and onto their engagement. I was completely blindsided and hurt.
I stayed quiet for the rest of the party but when it was over I pulled Sophie aside and told her that what she did was selfish and disrespectful. She argued that it wasn’t a big deal because the party was “just a family thing” and everyone would forget about it anyway. I told her she could’ve picked literally any other day to get engaged but she just rolled her eyes and called me dramatic.
I couldn’t let it go so I vented to some of our family members and close friends about what happened. To my surprise most of them sided with Sophie saying I should ‘let it go’ because ‘it’s her moment now’ and that I was being bitter and selfish for not just being happy for her.
A few understood where I was coming from but the overwhelming response was that I was overreacting and making the engagement about myself which hurt even more.
Now Sophie is mad at me for “badmouthing” her and says I’m trying to ruin her engagement. My parents are torn because they don’t understand why I’m upset but also don’t want to take sides. So, AITA for calling out my sister for stealing my graduation spotlight with her surprise proposal?
NTA. You don't propose at someone else's event (birthday, wedding, graduation, baby shower) unless the guest of honor has explicitly told you they're okay with it. Also, if she was acting strange before the proposal, that makes me think it wasn't Ethan surprising her and it was her idea.
NTA. How your friends/family are siding with Sophie is bewildering to me. It was your graduation party! Not a joint graduation party/proposal, there was no need for them to hijack your party.
You didn’t ruin her proposal. What you need to do is announce your pregnancy in the middle of her wedding reception.
I’m petty, I’d start whispering how it’s pretty sad her proposal was at a graduation party and not something more romantic and meaningful.
Have you talked to Ethan to see why he chose that time to propose? Was he pressured by your sister or did he honestly think that was an appropriate time. I think your sister is partly to blame but Ethan is the one that got on one knee, I would also hold him accountable.
NTA. Your graduation was your day, and proposing at that moment definitely overshadowed your big achievement. It's understandable that you'd be upset, especially when it seems like your sister just couldn't wait for her own turn in the spotlight. She could’ve picked any other day, but instead, she made your graduation about her engagement.
NTA, you didn't make her proposal about you, she made your graduation about her. That was a shitty move. Please show your parents this. They raised a narcissist in your sister. That is NOT going to get any better.
NTA and your family and friends suck. This wasn’t some random family get together, it was your graduation party meant to celebrate your achievements. I’d have someone fake propose to me at their wedding but i’m also petty and spiteful.
NTA...If Sophie didn't want you bad mouthing her then maybe she shouldn't have been selfish and stole your spotlight. What they did was shitty. It's commonly known that you don't make major announcements at someone else's party. Congrats on your graduation!
NTA. Your sister is a spoiled little bitch. Plain and simple. She is used to getting what she wants when she wants with no push back. She is not the main character in anyone’s life but her own. I’d stop inviting her to things that are important to you. She will keep finding ways to make everything about her as long as people keep allowing it.
NTA. How do your parents not understand why you are upset? How does ANYONE not understand that? In my mind I am plotting your revenge.... Cut to sis's rehearsal dinner. Everything is all about her. You stand up to give a toast but then announce you are pregnant.
The room erupts. They didn't even know you were dating anyone. You double down. The gender reveal is your gift to the happy couple and you're pleased to announce that whatever dessert is coming out will either be blue for a boy pink for a girl or yellow for a spotlight stealer.
NTA. While it's possible that your sister just wanted to share her proposal with family, this wasn't just any "family thing". It was your graduation party. Even if she wasn't deliberately trying to overshadow you, the best possible interpretation is that her choice was extremely thoughtless and inconsiderate. There are no options where she did nothing wrong. She was either bad or worse.