"AITA for ruining a wig my dad tried to make me wear?"

Dad (49M) has a severe hair loss condition, but he's never done anything to hide it and he's at the age where it doesn't matter. I (19F) was really hoping the gene missed me, but apparently not. In my teens I started noticing bald patches and weird regrowth/loss patterns.

I got made fun of for it (nothing extreme, but you know teenagers) and in college I had enough and decided to go bald. It was an impulse decision but I'm young and dumb, and I loved the way it looked after. I'm planning to stay bald for the immediate future.

Recent events (gestures to the state of the world) forced me to leave uni and move back in with my parents, which means they've seen my new hair (or lack thereof) and are upset about it. Mom got over it in a few days when I told her it made me happy. Still looks a bit weirded out sometimes, but that's fine.

Dad has refused to shut up about it. You'd think it was his head I shaved. Says it looks weird, I'll never get a boyfriend/job, I looked so much prettier with my hair, called me a lesbian (he used the slur), etc. I told him to back off because the double standard is unfair and it was his stupid genes that caused this whole problem in the first place, and he shut up. I thought that was it, but I guess not.

Days pass, and yesterday I wake up and the first thing I see is a wig box thing on my desk. I was pissed, confronted dad about it, and he admitted he got it for me and tried to convince me to wear it. I said no and tried to give it back, but he wouldn't take it and suggested I keep it for a few days to see if my feelings changed. I threw it in the trash.

This morning, same thing. I guess dad dug the wig out of the trash and put it back, which is not only annoying but also really gross. I was really frustrated and didn't think more talking would do any good, so I grabbed a pair of scissors and cut all the wig hair off onto my dad's side of the bed. Not too much of a hassle to clean, but there are some strands that will probably linger for days.

Dad found out, screamed at me, I barricaded myself in my room. I didn't hear all of it, but apparently the wig was expensive and I'm ungrateful. Mom told us to calm down and talk things out in the morning, which I'm not looking forward to, because I feel justified. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

PasteIYellow said:

Definitely NTA! It seems like your dad had treated you horribly, calling you slurs, insulting you and yelling at you just because you don’t want to wear a wig. You have a right to do what you want with your body and he shouldn’t be able to dictate this.

cyfermax said:

NTA. He bought a 'gift' you clearly didn't want or ask for. He fished it out of the trash to re-gift it to you. At that point, extreme measures are appropriate.

And FraughtOverwrought said:

ESH but only mildly for you and very much for your dad. His reaction was outdated, over the top, bigoted, uncalled for, unnecessary, all those things. I wonder if he feels a bit guilty though, since he bought the wig after you mentioned you inherited the condition from him.

But if I were you I would have just kept it and refused to wear it, not ostentatiously thrown it away (not that he should have taken it out of the bin) or deliberately destroyed it on his side of the bed. That’s also a petty escalation.

Wigs are really expensive. My friend with alopecia spent ages saving for a good quality one. It’s a shame it’s destroyed now. However obviously your dad is the biggest asshole. Just I would have maybe toned down your response a bit rather than playing his game.

Edit from OP:

Thanks for all your answers. I've read through some of them and will try to respond later, definitely see how what I did was petty and unnecessary (though I still think he was worse). A few pieces of info, I don't know how much the wig cost, but mom probably would have said something if it were in the thousand-dollar range.

I also didn't want to return it or donate it because it had been in the trash and I thought that would be a bad move. Still see how I shouldn't have done it, just wanted to clear those things up.

She later shared this update:

I talked with both my parents this morning after reading some of your opinions. I apologized for cutting the wig over the bed but not for refusing to wear it or throwing it away after my dad wouldn't return it. Dad made up some shitty excuse of "I'm sorry you didn't appreciate what I tried to do for you," so that was a bust and I ended up leaving.

I did ask him how much he spent on the wig and if I could see any form of receipt, but he said no. I thought that was weird because even if he threw away the physical receipt from the sender he buys everything on Amazon and there should have been an electronic one, but he said he deleted it because he didn't want me trying to return the wig.

Our family isn't rich, maybe lower middle class, so I assume it wasn't too expensive. The hair also felt synthetic. I want to talk to my dad about whether he's projecting some of his own issues onto me, but it looks like I'm going to have to wait until things are less tense.