'AITA for saying an acquaintance can’t borrow my entire Thanksgiving setup?'
"AITA for saying an acquaintance can’t borrow my entire Thanksgiving setup?"
We (30s) have hosted a Friendsgiving at our home for a few years with about 20 friends from our community. Last year, a friend of a friend (an acquaintance that we met once briefly at a gathering) reached out to me a few days before the event and asked if she and her husband (40s) could come. I said sure!
They’re notoriously hours late to everything and said they’d bring appetizers. Sure enough, two hours after everyone else was there, she reached out to me for my address (they live two minutes away and everyone else is at our house often). We had to hold off on dinner until they arrived, and it was a little awkward, but no big deal.
The next day, this person reaches out to me and asks if she can borrow our table, chairs, plates, silverware, wine glasses, and decorations for a Friendsgiving that they’re hosting the next day (that we obviously weren’t invited to)!! I was pretty put off, and didn’t want to deal with having to arrange the logistics of that as they don’t even have a car that can transport the table, etc.
I said that no, we were bringing a lot of the stuff to my parent’s gathering for Thanksgiving. I didn’t hear anything from her after that. Now, after not running into them or hearing from them for a whole year, she just asked again if they can borrow our stuff! AITA for saying no last year, and WIBTA if I say no again??
Edit since so many people mentioned it: they were two hours late to the party itself. Lots of cocktails and mingling to be had before dinner. We held off maybe another 15 minutes once the turkey was ready to serve and they walked in as folks were sitting down for dinner.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Assignmentrelevant72 wrote:
If you say no and she never speaks to you again....so what?
OP responded:
Well I did that and now she’s asking again.
FatterthanIthinkIam wrote:
I can’t imagine how people have the balls to call near-strangers and ask if they can come to a party. There’s no shortage of nerve there!
OP responded:
Yeah I was surprised and a bit annoyed, but it’s a small community and I wanted to be nice.
zigwee wrote:
It strikes me as so funny that she asked to be invited just to check out your stuff - and then expected you to deliver it? No way.
OP responded:
I should have just quoted her a price.
unrepentantlibboomer wrote:
NTA. While I'm willing to lend something to a good friend who I see on a regular basis, I would never lend to someone with whom I have so little connection. Chances are you may not get everything (or anything) back. You can simply say that you make it a rule not to lend out your setup because you and your family use it frequently (once a year is relatively frequent).
labfam1010 wrote:
This woman has no tact. Some people are like that. I try to avoid them as much as possible. The best thing you can do is say no quickly. They don’t learn anything from it, they’ll just move on to the next unsuspecting person to try to get something for nothing from. Don’t overthink it, those people never learn. NTA.
Short_Country_850 wrote:
NTA, but you will be TA if you keep contact. I'd act like I got a new phone and number and not even text them back. You owe them nothing, and they are extremely rude to ask someone they barely know to basically furnish their whole party without an invitation. Some people should learn shame.
additional-aioli-545 wrote:
NTA but I think you need to decline in a more emphatic manner: "Here's the phone number for a catering business that can assist you with your setup. I do not loan out my property like that. I hope you have a really nice gathering, though".
If she asks again, I wouldn't even respond and I'd block her.
Picoloimpossible946 wrote:
No! OMG. They are beyond rude. I’m glad you said no last year and you need to say no this year! You’ll never get your stuff back. They can buy their own stuff. YTA in that you shouldn’t have waited on them last year to start eating dinner and by two hours? That wasn’t fair to you or your other guests who arrived on time.
Uttransplant wrote:
I don’t hold food if someone is late. They learn very quickly, and people don’t show up late more than the once. I do warn them that we will begin dinner at X o’clock, and I hold to it. I plan dinners carefully, and I refuse to leave things to overcook or get dried out because someone can’t get their act together.
Head-Emotion4598 wrote:
"Hi Entitled Acquaintance, so good to hear from you again! I'm great, thanks for asking! We will, once again, be using all of our things but here are some links to similar items that you can find on Amazon and have them shipped directly to you! And then you'll have it for NEXT year as well! Well, I'm really busy so I hope you have a great rest of the year!"
eowynsheiress wrote:
This person is unbelievably rude. If you don’t have table chairs, plates, and glasses, you cannot host. Period. Borrowing one small item or a folding table is one thing. To borrow an entire kitchen and dining room is another, unspeakably rude thing. Please block this person with alacrity and move on without a second thought! Clearly you are NTA.