'AITA for saying I don't want my MIL in my pregnancy doctors' appointment?'

"AITA for saying I don't want my MIL in my doctors' appointment?"

Okay, so...I'm (35F) 5 weeks pregnant. It is my very first pregnancy and my husband and I are over the moon! (We've been trying to get pregnant for almost a year and I found out last Wednesday - 7 days ago - a day before his fertility doctor's appointment, so life has been crazy!)

I've told my parents and he told his parents, that's all. No friends, nothing like that. We are waiting for the 12 weeks mark. (And now I'm telling all the internet lol). Here is the issue: I have an appointment on Friday and unfortunately he will be working and cannot take the time off to go with me, so I asked my mom and she is super excited to be able to go.

The appointment was at 5:30pm but their secretary texted me asking me to come at 3pm. I mentioned it to my husband saying I was gonna text mom to see if she would still be able to go or else I'd go alone, no problem. He said he'd feel better if I went with company so if my mom couldn't, he'd ask his mom.

Now, don't get me wrong...I like my MIL. I really do. But she is not someone I'd like to be with my while in the doctors' office. I told that to my husband. He was like..."why?" I just told him I wouldn't feel comfortable having her there, that's all.

I can tell he got a little upset, not a lot, but a little and I totally understand but, I mean...she is not my mom or my husband, you know? I intend to have a conversation with him as soon as I get home just to explain... but honestly...

AITA?

The internet did not hold back one bit.

Katiew84 wrote:

NTA. First off, you’re a 35-year-old adult. You most definitely do not need someone to go with you to a doctor’s appointment. And if your husband would “feel better” with you not going alone, then he needs to get his own butt there to go with you.

I would not want my MIL at any doctor’s appointments, let alone early pregnancy appointments where there is a very high chance they will do an internal ultrasound. I would d*e if anyone other than my husband was with me while I had a medical wand up in my vag.

He doesn’t get a say over who goes to your doctor’s appointments. You aren’t his property. Say no and follow through. You aren’t a fragile or feeble little woman who can’t manage on her own. So that whole narrative needs to stop.

MusicWithRocks_In wrote:

Would he like your father to go along with him for his next prostate exam? This isn't the babies doctor appointment, it is YOUR doctor appointment - and it's very weird to have anyone come along that you aren't comfortable seeing you naked.

Pregnancy is hard enough because suddenly the world feels ownership over your body, we don't need to make it any harder or more stressful on the pregnant lady. It's important for him to understand NOW that this is your body, and it's going to be accessed in some very private places, and just being a woman does not qualify you to have access to those places.

It's a good time to start talking about a birthing plan, that the birthing plan is about YOUR comfort, and that no one should be there unless they will make you less stressed and not more. Him saying "But she's MY mommy" is not a reason for you to feel more comfortable with her. NTA.

Zealous-idealbat708 wrote:

Yeah, your husband needs to understand quickly that for the length of the pregnancy, your baby lives exclusively in your body. And you and your body are entitled to privacy and respect. That doesn't go away with pregnancy.

As long as your body is involved, your comfort and dignity and all your wishes trump everything. Including his mom's feelings. And that message needs to be sent very clearly now before they start on you over the delivery room.

LissaBryan wrote:

You need to explain to your husband very clearly and distinctly that your body is not community property now just because you're pregnant. Your MIL should not expect to go along to your doctor's appointments like she's taking a cat to the vet, nor should she expect to be allowed to watch you give birth. You still have bodily autonomy and privacy even if there's a grandchild in your uterus. NTA.

girl_with_no_swag wrote:

NTA. I’m guessing (hoping) that when your husband formed his opinion that his mom should be there, that he doesn’t realize at this appointment you will be pantsless, feet in stirrups, and getting a big a** wand shoved up your hoo-ha for an internal ultrasound. Ask your husband if he’d like your mom to hold his hand during his next prostate exam.

mfruitfly wrote:

NTA. There are a lot of people I love very much, or like very much, and I wouldn't want them to be in medical appointments with me. This is an opportunity for you to talk to your husband, and make it clear that while a baby is a family thing, HAVING a baby is a medical issue.

Yes, there are lots of things about having a baby that are shared, and that should (ideally) be equal between the grandparents/other family. For example, telling the family members at the same time, ensuring everyone (aka both sets of grandparents) meet the baby at about the same time, that kind of thing.

But, the medical stuff that goes all the way through the baby being washed off, clothed, and ready for the public, well that is about the person who is pregnant and is ONLY about you and your comfort.

In these appointments you are going to be undressed to some degree, you will be asked personal questions and medical questions, and you may want to ask the doctor personal medical questions, so you only want people there that you feel comfortable with.

You can love and respect MIL very much, and still not feel the same way about her being around as opposed to your own mom. And you need to hash this out now, before your husband assumes that your medical journey should be a spectator sport for whomever he feels deserves a shot at it.

pinkfigtree wrote:

Couldnt be less of an AH! Also in case no one told you yet- your first ultrasound will be (beyond exciting!! and) transv*ginal- meaning they stick a wand up your vagina instead of over your tummy like in the movies.

You are also told to come with a full bladder so it gets a wee (no pun intended) uncomfy! Obviously super fun and insane to see your tiny coffee bean wiggling in there and hear its heartbeat but you absolutely, most certainly should not bring someone you are not 10000% comfortable with!