'AITA for saying I was blindsided by what my dad and step mom did?'

"AITA for saying I was blindsided by what my dad and step mom did?"

I'm genuinely unsure what to do in this situation anymore. I'm a 22-year-old and my dad is 50 while my step mom is 47. I have really struggled with mental health problems my whole life and last year it got bad and I was in treatment for months.

I was in family therapy with my dad at some point, we have had a lot of differences for many (many) years. Since I got back from treatment my dad and SM have been very admit that they want me to get a job (which I have now and have had for months which I'm proud of myself for) and move out.

Which like I don't have a problem with as it would be cool for me to work towards finally be able to be okay enough to be on my own. However a couple months ago my dad and SM sat me down with them in the living and gave me a contract. There was a lot of things on the contract that honestly I don't really mind like getting a job, doing chores etc.

But then they wrote that I needed to be out of the house by January 1st. This threw me off because I have talked to my dad multiple times that having time crunches especially with huge changes can really trigger me and make me spiral. Now of course that is a me problem and I know I have to deal with that and I am working on getting better with my emotions it's been a struggle for years.

I was honestly completely blindsided, I wasn't really sure what to do and my brain immediately just turned off. This happens very often when me and my dad have any sort of conversation by brain just immediately goes to dissociation, which annoys me to no end as I become unable to really talk or think if I'm being honest. After they gave me the contract they made me sign it.

My therapist and case manager both agree this is kinda insane but I'm not really sure. Anyway flash forward to about two weeks ago and my dad calls me as I'm heading to work and he just kinds says a bunch of hurtful things. During the call which if I'm being honest was him just talking at me about the things I do that upset him, a very normal phone call.

But then he said that if I moved in with my mom he would consider that a failure which made me snap slightly. This is were I said somethings along the side of "well you don't get to have an option like that when you blindsided me with your contract" and then I know I said that what he said was mean.

I know that I shouldn't have snapped at him I can totally see how I am an AH for that. But when I got home from work him and my SM both said that, that it was a very hurtful thing to say and that I shouldn't have been blindsided and I should have seen this coming.

The three of us have talked about me moving out before as my dad always says he doesn't want me living with him till I'm 30 which makes no sense to me but okay sure. I would also not like to live with you till I'm 30, if I'm being honest I don't even want to live with him now. I'm unsure what to do they both have been mad so AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

AdaptableAilurophile wrote:

NTA. You felt blindsided and you expressed that. You are allowed to have emotions and say what you feel. Your Dad is allowed to say move out, he isn’t allowed to dictate where you move or pronounce judgment on your life choices when you have professionals weighing in already.

Especially when he is part of who contributes to your mental health issues. It sounds like your Dad does offer practical support and he deserves kudos for that. He clearly wants to stop offering that support so that also means he doesn’t have a right to give opinions on what you do going forward.

Are there social supports available where you live? Ie. subsidized living/rent? Where you would not have to live with either parent? Maybe your therapist and case manager could help you explore local resources IF you feel able to live solo.

SunshineSeriesB wrote:

Okay, so let me get this straight, you were recently in in-patient treatment for mental health disorders, and they gave you several months to get yourself together and move out. They made you sign a contract agreeing to move out by a certain date.

When they brought the contract up you felt blindsided. Your therapist and mental health case manager both think that your dad forcing you to sign this contract doesn't align with the best interests of your mental health.

Your dad continues to nonchalantly tell you all of the problems he has with you. In the meantime you have made arrangements for you to move in with your mom. You dad says you moving in with your mom is a failure. I really think you're NTA. Your dad seems to consistently belittle you and honestly, in the year of our ladies and lords 2025, moving out solo at 22 is HARDDDD.

Your dad created this timeline and a goal for HIM. He doesn't get to dictate how you hold up your end of the contract. If he really wanted you to be independent, you would have worked TOGETHER, ideally with your therapist and case manager, to identify milestones and a reasonable timeline. If you were in in-patient, not to sound harsh, but it's not like you're ready to just jump and fly.

ReceptionPuzzled1579 wrote:

NTA. I don’t understand some of these comments. OP stating they struggle with their mental health and have been in patient as recently as last year plus they have a therapist and case manager is surely enough information to infer that OP may need a little bit of extra time/management/help etc in managing life.

The fact that OP has met some of the targets set by his dad and step mother like getting a job should also inform that OP isn’t lazy or ignoring said targets. And lastly the fact that OP’s caseworker and therapist both agree that the contract is wrong should also help show that dad and step mother are not doing their best by OP.

Honorary mention of them not doing their best by OP goes to the part about OP’s dad calling a child he knows struggles with mental health a failure and proceeding to list everything said child gets wrong in life. And according to OP that’s a normal call meaning a regular occurrence.

So what are these comments criticising and chastising OP? OP you are not TA in any way shape or form. If you need to move in with your mother before eventually getting a place on your own then please do so. Focus on yourself and what is best for you. And do not let your dad and step mother pressure or rush you into taking steps you are not ready to take.

As I wrote above, you are meeting your targets, you may not have met them all but it’s only a matter of time, and that time should be set by you and your needs and capabilities. Not an arbitrary date set by your dad and step mother who clearly do not have your best interests in mind. I wish you all the best in life.